To think I am not 'uncultured' just because I can't use chopsticks

[FargoFGS]

I really should be over this but it's still on my mind.

I went to a Japanese restaurant over the weekend with DP and another couple. I briefly recall DP being on the phone with his friend making arrangements and trying to change the venue but I wasn't too bothered and didn't take any notice - I thought that perhaps he just fancied something else but I now suspect that he was trying to get out of the Sushi place because I can't use chopsticks.

Anyway, his friend must have convinced him or had already made the reservation so thus the 4 of us set of to this restaurant. We ordered. All we and good so far and the food came.

The chopsticks were already laid out on the table so I asked a waiter for a fork and was met with sniggers by the girlfriend of DP's friend. I continued to use my fork (as otherwise I wouldn't have been able to eat anything) and as the conversation went on she made a comment about me being uncultured and that using chopsticks is like riding a bike or swimming. It's just one of those that everyone knows how to do.

I've now got myself a some chopsticks and watching youtube videos on how to use them as I did feel embarrassed but I think she over-stepped the mark.

[Helmetbymidnight]

I lived in Japan for several years, and have certainly seen people eat sushi with their fingers and was told many times it was fine to do so.

[BadLad]

I don't doubt at all that sushi is eaten with fingers - I am disputing the implication that, in Tokyo, that is the usual way to do it. Some of the links in TheNewStatesman's post have Japanese people saying that they didn't know that it was correct to eat it with hands.

[meowmeowmeow]

I tend to assume that everyone can use chopsticks in much the same way I assume everyone can swim or drive so it does surprise me when people can't. I grew up in the Far East and now live in the Middle East so most people I know can.
That said I would never snigger at someone like that as that's incredibly impolite. Manners matter although if honest I'd be wondering why someone hadn't learned in my head. I might ask if they had tried but only out of curiosity and not if I thought it would offend.
In Japan nigiri sushi is eaten with the hands but there's an awful lot more to Japaned food than sushi.

The only person I would laugh at in my head is my MiL as she is terrible but as she's a total cow she totally deserves it.

[victoriahal]

YOUR culture uses knives and forks. You would be "uncultured" if you insisted on eating with your hands. Not knowing how to use the tools of a different culture is just a happenstance depending on fanily and experience.

I have a vision and coordination difficulty including poor depth perception, and as a child had to work hard to learn to use a fork. Chopsticks took a lot longer and I was in my thirties before I got the knack. If anyone had insulted me like that I would have explained clearly that they have no right, and if they did not back off I would have escalated and possibly left the restaurant.

Yes, that girlfriend is definitely the uncultured one here. Any Japanese person hearing that comment would be burning with shame.

[Lweji]

You would be "uncultured" if you insisted on eating with your hands.

You would be "uncultured" if you did not know when to eat with your hands, rather. :)

[Orda1]

Well I've only used chopsticks about twice.

Most of the populous can't even use a knife and fork properly, let alone chopsticks.

[Mrsnoo72]

I only learned to use chopsticks in my 30s as my husband taught me (parents didn't know how and never really knew anyone who could (or cared) until then) - wanted to master the skill. I was still practicing but I thought doing rather well when we went on holiday to visit friends in Singapore. We went out one night for a meal with friends (all westerners) and I was quite pissed chatting a lot so took a while to eat with my chopsticks, but was persevering and showing my husband how chuffed I was whenever I managed to grasp a particularly slippy morsel. Suddenly the guy beside me - a stranger before that night and happily never seen again - snatched them out of my hand and replaced them with a fork, telling me to "get a bloody move on", or similar. I got really upset as it was so rude and unexpected and I had been so proud of my progress. I then proceeded to get rather teary and vocal about it as I was quite pissed mortified and also angry that my husband didn't stick up for me...
So I completely understand where you're coming from with the rude girlfriend in the restaurant. Don't waste your time on such an ignorant bitch in the future if you can avoid it. Who cares if you can use chopsticks anyway?? Am still practicing!!

[FargoFGS]

Small update for anyone who cares and those that gave me such good advice.

I moved back in with my parents over the weekend and ready to start again. I do feel as though I've moved backwards but I also feel like this is a fresh start - especially now that we're nearing the start of a new year.

I didn't go into the specifics with him and just left it at 'we're not right for each other, relationship has run its course' etc. I did pay rent for this month, however.

Thanks for the advice and I really should have been more upfront in my original post - this was never about Chopsticks or frying pans.

I'm sad but relieved. Bit of an odd emotion but the sky hasn't fallen in and I feel ok.

[EnaSharplesHairnet]

Good luck!

[londonrach]

She was rude and very uncultured by the fact she made that comment. . Its only been the last time we visited the chinese resturant that the chop sticks clicked with us when eating dim sims. No idea if my new skill can be used on rice yet. Solution, hold further down. Still think fork is easier to use!

[DannyFishcharge]

Good luck!

[RaspberryOverload]

Good luck.

[zoobaby]

Oh wow. You did it! Way to take control of your life. Good luck.

Now go out and find someone wonderful who won't give a flying toss about fine motor skills.

[RaptorInaPorkPieHat]

Good Luck Fargo

[Seriouslyffs]

As posters up thread said,'Fargo - you sound so lovely, self-aware and articulate. You are wasted on this man.'
Onwards and upwards. Were you able to extricate yourself with,'this isn't working anymore'.
Maybe you'll bump into her in years to come and and can say,'I remember you! You were really drunk and insulted me in a Japanese restaurant and the ensuing row with wankbadger led to us breaking up- I wouldn't be married to gorgeousman and have these gorgeouslittledarlings if it wasn't for you!'

[Lweji]

Oooh, update. :)

Well done.
I hope you have a great Christmas with people who actually do care about you.

Fresh start for the New Year and all that.

[FargoFGS]

To all of you!

[BathtimeFunkster]

Well done. I was hoping that would be the update :)

[Lynnm63]

I've only just seen your update and Im glad for you. I hope you have a fantastic christmas and that 2016 finds you with a man who you deserve.