Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I am not 'uncultured' just because I can't use chopsticks

269 replies

FargoFGS · 17/11/2015 12:37

I really should be over this but it's still on my mind.

I went to a Japanese restaurant over the weekend with DP and another couple. I briefly recall DP being on the phone with his friend making arrangements and trying to change the venue but I wasn't too bothered and didn't take any notice - I thought that perhaps he just fancied something else but I now suspect that he was trying to get out of the Sushi place because I can't use chopsticks.

Anyway, his friend must have convinced him or had already made the reservation so thus the 4 of us set of to this restaurant. We ordered. All we and good so far and the food came.

The chopsticks were already laid out on the table so I asked a waiter for a fork and was met with sniggers by the girlfriend of DP's friend. I continued to use my fork (as otherwise I wouldn't have been able to eat anything) and as the conversation went on she made a comment about me being uncultured and that using chopsticks is like riding a bike or swimming. It's just one of those that everyone knows how to do.

I've now got myself a some chopsticks and watching youtube videos on how to use them as I did feel embarrassed but I think she over-stepped the mark.

OP posts:
Marzipanface · 17/11/2015 13:40

I can't use chopsticks either. In fact I probably would have burst out laughing at her comment. It is so rude and an embarrassingly snobby thing to say.

TheComforter · 17/11/2015 13:41

It's not uncultured, but it is lazy of you not to learn.

It is not difficult. Entire populations, of all ages, manage to crack it. It's not a special skill that some people don't have by any means.

Fratelli · 17/11/2015 13:41

What a knob! (her not you). She was extremely rude! I wouldn't be seeing them again but I might send them a book on manners!

MitzyLeFrouf · 17/11/2015 13:42

I can't use chopsticks either but will pop it on my 2016 New Years Resolution list. Youtube can be my Mr Miyagi.

MitzyLeFrouf · 17/11/2015 13:43

'It's not uncultured, but it is lazy of you not to learn.'

Nah.

Lazy if you live in China but I wouldn't call it lazy if you live in the UK and only eat in a Chinese restaurant once in a blue moon.

diddl · 17/11/2015 13:44

I don't like the sound of yourpartner!

Has this ever come up or been an issue before then?

JugglingFromHereToThere · 17/11/2015 13:45

It's so immature of her too don't you think Marzipan, and the others if they joined in with her at all? So childish. Honestly I'm sure my DD and her friends would have handled the situation with more grace and good manners at 16 Smile

TotalConfucius · 17/11/2015 13:47

How incredibly rude of the lot of them, including your partner quite frankly. Instead of being on the phone sneakily trying to change the venue he should have perhaps mentioned to you that it was a very nice restaurant, great food, but you might be expected to use chopsticks or be prepared to be jibbed a bit.
My DH's family grew up using chopsticks, and MIL uses them still whenever rice or noodles is served - I, on the other hand, grew up eating pie mash and liquor with a spoon, so they have had to get used to a lot of 'oh FFS gimme a fork' over the years, they've never remarked on it.

EastMidsMummy · 17/11/2015 13:47

I can't believe how some of you on here manage to get through the day. What the woman said was a bit rude (not massively rude or unbelievably rude). The correct response is "Fucking cheek!" then pick up your fork and get troughing.

GreenPotato · 17/11/2015 13:48

Why should people learn? I find it difficult myself, so I use a fork. Are you saying that Chinese people in Britain should learn to use a fork and not be allowed chopsticks if they're having fish and chips? Because it's the same thing. You should use what you like and what works for you.

This reminds me of a twatty friend I once had who told me I was wrong and embarrassing to have cappuccino in the afternoon because the Italians don't, they only have it for breakfast. Well they can do what they like, but I'm not Italian and I can do what I like!

badtime · 17/11/2015 13:49

Don't be ridiculous, TheComforter. In the circles you move in, perhaps everyone uses chopsticks constantly, but there are people who would rarely be in a position to use them.

My mother lives in a quite rural place, and hardly ever eats out. She used chopsticks for the first time in her life in her 60s, not through laziness Hmm , but because she had never had reason to before.

OP, I have a rule - if you let it be known that something offends you, and someone defends it as 'only a joke', they are bullying you. If it was really only a joke, there would be apologies and sympathy. Bear that in mind wrt this woman and your partner.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 17/11/2015 13:50

Breathtakingly rude.

I can use chopsticks but tbh prefer to eat sushi with my fingers.
For future reference, I hope she didn't dip the rice bit of her sushi in the soy sauce? That is considered the height of bad manners and very insulting to the chef (who has carefully prepared and seasoned the rice)

This brings to mind tales of the Queen deliberately using the wrong cutlery when overseas visitors did so as not to embarrass them by their mistake. Your "friend" could take a few tips from her I reckon. Wink

Try not to dwell on this OP. Choose instead to think of her as someone whose opinion is pretty worthless. Because from what I can see, it is.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/11/2015 13:50

Sorry, when you say "the other 2 found her hilarious", are you referring to your "D"P here? He laughed at her completely mannerless rudeness as well?

Appalling behaviour from all of them. Angry

Do you really love this particular bloke? Does he have redeeming features? because so far he's not coming out of this well - he appears to not only be embarrassed that you can't use chopsticks, but also finds it hilarious that someone else is so brazenly rude about it to your face!
What a prince he is. NOT.

EastMidsMummy · 17/11/2015 13:52

LTB.

TheElementsSong · 17/11/2015 13:53

Sorry GreenPotato, did you really think that Chinese people in Britain have to eat fish and chips with chopsticks? Grin

reni2 · 17/11/2015 13:55

I can use chopsticks without a problem.

I am uncultured because I never mastered the English art of eating peas with the back of your fork. When I was first shown after arrival in the UK, I thought people were having me on. (For fellow foreigners and uncultured people: you are supposed to impale a couple of peas, then squish some more onto the back of the prongs of your fork Grin Grin Grin Don't try this unless you are really nimble fingered and cultured.)

80schild · 17/11/2015 13:59

Using chopsticks properly is not that easy unless you do it every day. I learnt when I was 6 (only because I have a lot of Chinese relatives) and even now struggle a bit with fiddly small pieces of rice. If it was more logical to use chopsticks the Western world would have adopted them.

That said clearly I believe OP is not unreasonable.

ChunkyPickle · 17/11/2015 13:59

Of course it's not uncultured - it's just a skill you don't have? Can they tear a chapatti one handed to eat curry? Probably not, and it is bloody tricky to learn. How about other things - artichokes, asparagus, more exotic vegetables? Do they even have fish knives, let alone know how to use them?

Of course not. Virtually no one does. A Chinese friend of mine once laughed at me (but in a nice way) as I was struggling to use chopsticks and handed me a fork - his take was that all that matters is getting the food into your mouth. How it got there is irrelevant, use whichever implement, any way you wish.

GreenPotato · 17/11/2015 13:59

No! :o I'm saying if you are going to pontificate that everyone should learn to use chopsticks to eat Chiniese/Japanese food, than by the same token, everyone should learn to use a fork to eat British food. But if I came on here sounding off that a Chinese friend used chopsticks to eat British food and it was "lazy of them not to learn" to use a fork, I think I would get short shrift.

AcrossthePond55 · 17/11/2015 14:00

I just love how these supposedly 'cultured' people don't understand that one of the primary rules of truly 'cultured' people is that you never make anyone feel uncomfortable. Stupid bint.

PeasinPod1 · 17/11/2015 14:01

I cant use chopsticks either and feel embarrassed when I ask in our fav Chinese restaurant. Its nice to hear most people here despite many knowing how to use them, wouldn't think any worse on us cutlery using folk. I'm convinced everyone is staring at me. Thing is, despite my shame I love using the fork/spoon to scoop up a bit of everything, adding a final scoop of the bleak bean sauce onto my spoon, which chopsticks wouldn't allow, so I'm actually not that tempted to learn to use them.

reni2 · 17/11/2015 14:01

Commenting on people's ability to handle cutlery is the epitome of uncultured I think.

OldGreyCat · 17/11/2015 14:01

badtime:

"
OP, I have a rule - if you let it be known that something offends you, and someone defends it as 'only a joke', they are bullying you. If it was really only a joke, there would be apologies and sympathy. Bear that in mind wrt this woman and your partner."

That is a VERY GOOD RULE. I must let my inlaws know. Grin

OP, she is rude and patronising. Your H sounds a bit Hmm too, if I've picked it up right?

Original poster
FargoFGS · 17/11/2015 14:02

diddl The issue of the chopsticks has never in itself been an issue between the two of us but he does have form for this sort of thing in which he doesn't take me seriously iyswim. I admit that it is often about things that aren't life-changing but it still matters to me yet he to continues to laugh it off and tell me to get a grip. He does this about many things and on many occasions.

OP posts:
noeffingidea · 17/11/2015 14:03

I can't use chopsticks either, and I have no intentions of learning. Couldn't care less if other people think that is lazy or uncultured.
In the nicest possible way, OP, I think you need to get a thicker skin. What this girl said was just her opinion. Just ignore it and move on.