AIBU to think there are few worse crimes on here than to be the OW

[OnADarkDesertHighway]

I think there are criminals who have been convicted of horrific offences who would get a better reception on here than OW do.

Personal attacks might be throwned upon but OW seem fair game. Cunt is a common insult to call OW and hardly anyone objects.

Yeah it is shitty to fuck another woman's bloke but no insult is off limits.

I do not believe some hardened criminals would be in receipt of the level of abuse OW get. Nor do the DH/DP's get anywhere near as much condemnation as the OW do.

There are not many child abusers and murderers who come onto a parenting website looking for validation, sympathy and understanding for their actions it has to be said.

And while I am at it, I call out the behaviour of OW and don't recall ever calling one of them a cunt.

To clarify, I am not saying it is not generally immoral to have an affair with someone in a committed relationship, but that I don't think it is always so horrifically wrong as to be the blackest of black sins every time.

You sound as though something's hit a nerve, OP. I imagine that if MN consisted of 50% male and female posters, male adulterers would be met with an equally frosty reception, it's just that MN is overwhelmingly female, and the relationships board in particular is an unlikely meeting-ground for women who've had to face their husband/partner's affair/s and women who admit to being the female partner in those affairs. Is it that surprising there's vitriol?

Presumably these women have already expressed their sense of betrayal to their husbands/partners, but the OW is usually further out of reach. Imagine suddenly having the person who was partly responsible for wrecking your marriage and your children's lives and breaking up your home at your fingertips. Hardly surprising it's not cute.

I think the only difference between MN and 'real life' on this topic is that in RL people are likely to disguise their actual response to some extent. On Mn, there's no need.

There are indeed worse crimes in the world but it really does beggar belief that an ow can come on here looking for support when we read endless stories of broken hearts and devastated families

I'm in a happily monogamous marriage but I know people who have had affairs, and I know people who have been cheated on, and I agree it is not always black and white.

If my husband cheated on me I'd be devastated but I don't even believe it would necessarily mean the end of our marriage - which I'd always assumed it would before. So if I can imagine finding it in me to forgive the person I trust most in the world, I'm sure I could forgive someone who never promised me anything to start with.

Life is much more complex than woman showing solidarity to each other by leaving married alone otherwise there would never be OW. People often develop feelings for each other even though families are involved because we basically complex animals with the desire to mate. I've never been an OW or intend to be one but its bollocks to say a woman should keep her hands off a married man solely because of her female status

It's the age old double moral standard, it's rampant in real life and alive and well on here. I've seen appalling abuse given to OW here (you're just his fuck bucket, want sock, an available hole etc) yet this never goes the other way.

Men don't frantically tell other men 'you're just a stiff knob to her, she despises you really, she'll ditch you and pick a younger model' etc.

Society always blames the woman, regardless of circumstances. So does MN, largely. I've has quite a few people agree with me over the years but not the majority.

Cheating partners get just as much of a roasting on here, on the rare occasions they come here. The reason recent OW threads have been so harsh is because it's the same poster, over and over again, being passive and trying to play the victim. Considering her story is strikingly similar to a much loved MNter, but from the OW perspective, only makes some of us even angrier.

So are you and she the same poster perhaps?

I think cheaters are cunts, I think the OW/OM are also cunts. It's not a difficult concept to get your head around.

Fwiw I think abusers are bigger cunts, but that doesn't mean cheaters aren't still cunts.

How many times can I say cunt in the same post?

She should keep her hands off because as a human being that would ne the decent way to behave towards another human being.

I know that one reason my friend is so angry with ow is that her behaviour is just so bloody disrespectful. She simply doesn't give a fuck about playing a key part in fucking up my friend's life and destabilising her dc's home!

When the day comes that men get called homewreckers and whores I may change my mind. But I've never seen or heard that. Men aren't expected to protect other men from hurt. It's women who have to uphold the sexual propriety of all. Even when the man lied and misled, it's still the woman to blame.

And it's not true that OW only get a hard time here if they post a certain way. They get a hard time however they post.

I've been cheated on, and I remain absolutely of the opinion that it wasn't the OW's job to take responsibility for my ex's shitty lying behaviour. She'd made no promises to us, but he had. She was a free agent, he wasn't. She didn't force him to sleep with her. He chose to sleep with her. It was his fault, and his fault entirely.

I am also very aware that lying cheating partners are also likely to lie to the OW, too. "We're in an open relationship", etc etc.

Put the blame where it lies: on the cheating spouse, not the OW.

When cheating spouses post here looking for validation, they get their head taken off too.

That's an amazing post, Archery.

Morris, if you were talking about society as a whole I would agree with you.

But on MN cheating men get just as much shit as the OW.

In my case the OW was my best friend and watched me marry my husband 6 months previously. So fuck her. She betrayed me too.

I judge men who cheat or who shag married women - I think of them as skanky man whores. I wouldn't date a man who had that history.

I do think that women blame other women because on some level we think they are more capable of seeing it from the wife's perspective, being female so it feels like a massive betrayal to see a woman behaving as shabbily as so many men. Maybe women think of ourselves as better than men so it's a double betrayal. I dont know - I'm not explaining what I mean very well

Good God, Boo

No they don't, with respect. They don't get vile sexual insults about how the affair partner is just using their body to orgasm on, nor do they get told that if their affair partner leaves their spouse then they'll do the same to them.

The mistress / vacancy shtick only goes one way.

MorrisZapp if my DH cheated on me, believe me I would blame him, not the OW, but that doesn't mean I couldn't hate the OW too, the two are not mutually exclusive. I wouldn't hate the OW half as much as DH, I'm sure, but I'd still hate her.

I only get irritated by people giving OW/OM a hard time when they're simultaneously working on forgiving their DH/DW. That is hugely hypocritical to me and I agree is usually hugely sexist. But as long as a person understands that the person who is responsible for their hurt is the partner who cheated on them, I'd say they're fully entitled to feel however they want about the OW/OM.

LetGo, exactly. There's a double moral standard. Society expects men to be dirty dogs, given the opportunity. But it holds women to a higher standard, and punishes accordingly.

I hope I don't have to say that if the OW is a close friend then that's absolutely an equal betrayal and both are despicable.

Disproportionate to real life really OP get a grip!

I've been cheated on, I have friends who have been cheated on and believe me here is not disproportionate at all!

I have worked with men and woman who have had their lives, confidence, trust etc shattered, I have worked with children whose lives are tainted and their belief in love ripped away.

You sit and listen to how these people feel about OW/OM then come back and tell me that MN is disproportionate.

We all know that the OW/OM is not souly to blame BUT there is still blame that they must take.

Agree with you MorrisZapp - there is definitely a double standard in general (but particularly on MN) in attitude to the OW as opposed to OM

When a male poster reveals that he is being cheated on then responses tend to focus on the best way forward etc and whether the marriage can be salvaged or whether it would be more desirable to separate but responses don't tend to focus on the OM and what a despicable/heartless/evil person he must be

Just because you think one person is a cunit ut does not mean that you cannot think others are also cunts.

Engage in a relationship with a married person = cunt
Be that married person whose cheating = cunt
Mug old ladies = cunt
Try to drown little kittens = cunt

That's kind of how it works for me anyway.