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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Younger sister announces pregnancy

183 replies

cammybear · 08/11/2015 18:19

Let me start by saying that I know I am definitely being unreasonable. This is more of a post asking for advice as to how I can change my mind on this one.

Husband and I are expecting a baby in January, and are really excited. Family also super excited - it will be my parents' first grandchild. Then last week my younger sister announced that they too are expecting, two months after us. They are much younger than us, and I am really struggling. It was a complete surprise to everyone (whereas ours wasn't), so I hadn't really thought about what would happen were they to announce. But I am really finding it hard. I suppose I just wanted a year when our little one was the family's focus (I really how terrible this sounds!) and now, a few months after the birth, he'll have to share the limelight.

Otherwise, my husband and I get on OK with them, though there is a little tension and distance I suppose. There will be competition, or at least comparisons - more from my side than theirs (I think they're pretty laid back really). Parents are obviously overjoyed to have two on the way, but I was just happy when they were overjoyed with ours!

I am also struggling with my own reaction because I know it's so unreasonable. I am definitely the bad guy in all this. But I feel very emotional about it (also putting it down to hormones). Can anyone say anything to snap me out of this self-pity party?!

OP posts:
MaudGonneMad · 08/11/2015 18:20

a few months after the birth, he'll have to share the limelight

He won't care. Really.

CakeNinja · 08/11/2015 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Spurtle · 08/11/2015 18:21

You know you are being unreasonable - it's the hormones. You will feel like this for a while and then at over it. Just think how lovely bit will be when the cousins are growing up together. Maybe it'll bring you and your sister closer.

treaclesoda · 08/11/2015 18:22

Your child will most likely be delighted to have a cousin around the same age as they grow up.

DisappointedOne · 08/11/2015 18:23

DD is first grandchild on both sides. Within a year of her birth there were 2 more babies on DH's side. Within another 18 months there were another 3.

If you live near your parents you'll be fine. The 260 miles between the inlaws and us DD may as well not exist.

saltlakecity · 08/11/2015 18:23

Fgs. Your sister will be just as excited as you and deserves this happiness too. Life isn't all about you.

MrsBojingles · 08/11/2015 18:24

Your kid is going to have an instant playmate and partner in crime, how awesome!

PennyHasNoSurname · 08/11/2015 18:25

Eventually you will realise how daft you sound but for now I will give the benefit of the doubt and say you are maybe just a bit hormonal and precious with it being your first.

Dh and I announced our pregnancy at 12 weeks, and were due two months after his Dsis. Id hate to think she may have felt like y ou - when you ttc/plan kids ypu really shouldnt have to take into account others lives.

Both our kids get on so so well now, it is lovely!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 08/11/2015 18:25

What a weird and silly reaction
Says more about how you feel about your sister than anything else I think

Balaboosta · 08/11/2015 18:26

I totally get how you are feeling. Try to focus on how great it will be for your LO's to have cousins so close in age. If you are anything like me, you will probably carry on struggling with mental comparisons all the way through their school years. But you have made a good step in articulating the problem to yourself. It's completely understandable and completely irrational at the same time. All you can do is carry on struggling with it and try not to let it take over. And at least you got there first!

Lndnmummy · 08/11/2015 18:26

Hugs! I get it x

chrome100 · 08/11/2015 18:26

YAB very U and slightly ridiculous. Sorry :-)

goodnightdarthvader1 · 08/11/2015 18:26

As soda said, it's great you'll have kids so close in age in the family that they can play.

As for the rest of it, snap the fuck out of it. From this post alone, you sound like a nightmare sister. You want all the attention because you're having a baby (first woman ever to do that, congrats!), and you admit you're "competitive" in daily life (and they seem to have taken the high road and just let it wash over them, very sensible). I really hope your sister doesn't see any of this because if my sister thought this way, I'd be devastated.

Ugh.

IndomitabIe · 08/11/2015 18:27

I was the sister that announced after my DSis did. Blush Slightly different circumstances though.

There's only a couple of months between DS & DN and it's been brilliant having them grow up together. Also having someone else in the same situation when it comes to parenting has been good.

There are tricky times when one sleeps and the other doesn't, or where one is an angel DN and one is awful DS, but they seem to take turns so neither of us is smug for long! Sharing our pregnancies was amazing too. I was very glad to have that.

DSis has never mentioned being upset by DS coming along. In my eyes it's only been a brilliant thing. Try to embrace it!

whattheseithakasmean · 08/11/2015 18:27

When I was expecting my first, my DSis had her 2nd a month after. I thought it was lovely - cousins so close in age. I was right, it is lovely & I adore my nephew.

Please don't blame hormones - own your instinctive selfishness and use it to try and become a more empathetic and nicer person.

CluckingBelle · 08/11/2015 18:27

Maybe it was a complete surprise to them too?

Really, she isn't stealing your limelight. Your babies will be individuals in their own light. And in the future you may well be glad your child has a cousin close in age.

You can take it as an opportunity to share such a special time with your sister. You will be on maternity leave together, can discuss all the baby stuff that bores everyone else senseless to your hearts content. You can take it in turns to babysit for date nights etc.

Really. This is a good thing.

Pipestheghost · 08/11/2015 18:27

Aren't you pleased to be having a niece or nephew?
If comparisons are made state that all children are individuals and don't get drawn into it.

Supermanspants · 08/11/2015 18:27

Yes..... YABVVU but at least you have acknowledged that.
It's probably you who wants all the limelight rather than you maintaining it is your son who should be having the limelight.

FuzzyWizard · 08/11/2015 18:28

Oh dear! Obviously you know you are being unreasonable so I don't want to be too harsh. That being said your OP really doesn't sound very nice... I bet it will be lovely for your children to grow up so close in age. This has obviously come as a surprise to you because you thought your sister was at a different stage in life to you. Please be happy for her though. You don't 'deserve' the limelight and attention any more because you've waited longer for it. I'm sure once the babies arrive it'll be great though.

londonrach · 08/11/2015 18:28

Congratulations. Your baby is so lucky to have a cousin so close in age.

BreeVDKamp · 08/11/2015 18:31

Gee, YABU! But you know that.

I was due 2 days after my SIL. They announced basically before the pregnancy test was dry, we waited til 12 weeks, so did feel a bit like stealing their thunder but we couldn't just never announce it, and they're not the type to think we were stealing their thunder anyway.

expatinscotland · 08/11/2015 18:31

I'm always agog at adults who actually register all this 'first grandchild' and limelight and competition with a sibling or inlaw. It's so petty and immature I instantly think, 'No, really, people don't actually think like this. Do they?'

PontyGirl · 08/11/2015 18:32

Tis the hormones.

You'll just get over it. Bigger fish to fry and all that.

HackerFucker22 · 08/11/2015 18:33

I get it too.. I was actually quite sad when my sil announced her pregnancy a few weeks after mine (DC1 for us after recurrent miscarriage, DC2 for them completely unplanned).

I had unvoiced fears that my DC wouldn't be as loved and as appreciated due to having another baby arrive immediately after. It's completely irrational and yes unreasonable. My parents had 4 kids and loved us all, they would of course love all their grandkids.

My DC1 and cousin are literally just days apart and go to nursery together. Sil and I ended up being pregnant again at same time. My DC2 was born a few months after her DC3.

You can't help how you feel but don't voice it to your sister.

LavenderRain · 08/11/2015 18:34

My daughter and my niece were born 5 days apart, there were comparisons for a few weeks, and then at all the milestones they were compared. But the girls have always been extremely close, and now in their 20's are as close as ever,
3 more babies arrived the following year, one mine and 2 more nieces!
I think it's lovely that they all grew up together.
I think YAB a little U

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