Younger sister announces pregnancy

[cammybear]

Let me start by saying that I know I am definitely being unreasonable. This is more of a post asking for advice as to how I can change my mind on this one.

Husband and I are expecting a baby in January, and are really excited. Family also super excited - it will be my parents' first grandchild. Then last week my younger sister announced that they too are expecting, two months after us. They are much younger than us, and I am really struggling. It was a complete surprise to everyone (whereas ours wasn't), so I hadn't really thought about what would happen were they to announce. But I am really finding it hard. I suppose I just wanted a year when our little one was the family's focus (I really how terrible this sounds!) and now, a few months after the birth, he'll have to share the limelight.

Otherwise, my husband and I get on OK with them, though there is a little tension and distance I suppose. There will be competition, or at least comparisons - more from my side than theirs (I think they're pretty laid back really). Parents are obviously overjoyed to have two on the way, but I was just happy when they were overjoyed with ours!

I am also struggling with my own reaction because I know it's so unreasonable. I am definitely the bad guy in all this. But I feel very emotional about it (also putting it down to hormones). Can anyone say anything to snap me out of this self-pity party?!

The power to love expands each time a new baby comes into the family and you're baby will be the little star of the show for the simple reasons he or she will be 2 months older than your niece or nephew. He or she will be the 6 month old star of the show whilst the wee one is the 4 month old star of the show etc.

It will all work out. Honestly

My SIL 'announced' (well, she just told people) her pregnancy when my DS was two weeks old. I am delighted that my DS will have a cousin close in age as I don't have any and it's lovely being able to chat pregnancy and babies with somebody who doesn't get bored! OP you sound a bit childish and I think you know that, there is also no rule that as the older sibling you get to have the first baby - that's bonkers!!

Hormones aren't to blamed here, you sound like a brat

My thoughts too.

I really don't like this idea of blaming hormones for everything. Sometimes it would seem to give people a free pass to behave badly.

You know yabu and big time.

Tbh your relationship with your sister sounds seriously unhealthy. You probably need to work on it otherwise you'll waste your life comparing your life to hers and (even worse) your child to her child.

Why are you planning to compare your DC to your sister's?

Tell us more about the "tension and distance" - what's that all about?

Feelings are never unreasonable. So Give yourself a day or two to wallow if you need it. Then take a deep breath, call your little sister, ask how her pregnancy is going, and enjoy the start of a new stage in your relationship !

I went slightly bonkers during pregnancy, too. You'll get over it.

SIL was pregnant and gave birth a month or two before us.

Our attitude was:

Yay! So happy for them
Phew - takes the precious first grandchild madness off us
Great - little cousin really close in age.

Grandparents are just thrilled to have two grandchildren in a few months.

Sadly they don't live close enough or I'd have enjoyed having a partner in crime for mat leave.

A family has more than enough love for two babies, right?

I was in your DC1's position - long struggled for first born grandchild; my cousin a complete surprise due six months after me to DU more than a decade DM's junior. DA had been told she'd never have kids, so no way would my mother have wished badly towards her. Cousin lived right near DGP, too, while we were miles away, but because we're all a bit distant we got equal attention. I've always loved having a cousin close in age, and it's never been competitive as my parents, DA and DU were "laid back" like you describe.

Not trying to diminish your feelings, but DC1 and cousin are highly unlikely to care, whether they have a good relationship with each other or not. DC don't remember the amount of attention they got as infants, and unless family make an issue of it when they're older they'll never think about it.

Give it time. You'd banked on this special time where you and your baby would be fussed over. That's really nice. Okay, it's not going to quite happen and that's hard to swallow. Just give yourself a bit of time, ask -some- attention, don't put yourself in the background. Just not as much as you'd have got otherwise.

Your feeligns are your feelings, I don't think you can just deny them. Maybe just give yourself a bit of a shake and a talking to, then adjust to sharing the very special time.

A family has more than enough love for two babies, right?

Absolutely, and each baby is loved and adored as an individual.

Get some counselling to deal with your competition issues. And get a bit of compassion for the tiny life growing inside your sister who is about to be subgected to your endless comparisons and competativeness.

There is 6 months between one of mine and dsis's. Mine is the older but was brain damaged at birth, so has consistently missed milestones. It was bittersweet to have them lying side by side on a playmat staring at each other, when dd should have been up crawling. Other than the bitter sweetness of dn developing normally and highlighting what dd was unable to do, it has never occurred to me to consider the timing. And obv it was lovely that dn was developing 'normally' lol...

My dd has a cousin 11 months younger. Dd was the first baby in 20 years on one side of the family. Her birth was treated like the second coming, my dniece's not so much. When my dd was a tantrum-prone 2-year old and dniece an angelic baby, dniece became the one everybody cooed over.

The spotlight moves to and fro and it is also big enough for more than one baby.

DD is 4 months older than her cousin. They are both teenagers now and still get on brilliantly.
Yanbvu. Be happy for each other.

Get your head around this because you will end up comparing everything that your baby gets in time and attention to that your sisters baby gets and it will create a shifty time for everyone.
Hormones can make you over sensitive or emotional but they don't create the attitude you have.
Are you having this baby because you want it or is it because you want attention and fuss? Both babies will be a blessing for your families, not something to compete with!

Get involved with your sister, share your pregnancy experiences and support each other instead of competing.

That should say yanbu.

Shitty!.....not shifty!

Yabu third time lucky

Three of my siblings had babies this summer. One in June, one in July and one in August. True story.

They all get lots of attention and I don't think it occurred to anyone to resent sharing the baby limelight.

Keep telling yourself you're being a diva and hopefully the message will filter through before the babies arrive. And cut your sister some slack, you sound quite snooty.

OK, over and out for me on mumsnet I think. Maybe I didn't articulate it properly. I was just trying to get what I know is selfish out of my system, to be honest about my feelings in an anonymous forum. Surely we all feel things we shouldn't, and have to work them through? I thought this would be a little more of a supportive place in which to do this.

Yabu and probably your sister will be posting about you here if you don't get a grip and quick. Don't blame your hormones as many people manage fine without being selfish tossers. And don't treat your sister badly too!

Relationships perhaps?