Was the man in the wheelchair BU?

[VulvaVoom]

I'm only mentioning his wheelchair because I guess it's relevant to how people responded to him.

We were in a small cafe in a park late yesterday pm waiting for some child friendly 'fireworks' - it was a laser show thing.

Me my DM and DD got there really early and got a hot drink. A man came in, in a wheelchair that he was maneuvering himself by using his foot.

From a brief chat we had with him it seemed like he could have had something like cereal palsy but obviously I don't know.

When a BBQ gazebo area was set up outside, he left his takeaway drink on the table and went outside. The cafe started to get really busy and a group of people, several mums with about 6 children took the table next to 'his'.

Anyway he comes back in and shouts to the women to move his table back and away from the children as he was saying his drink would get spilled.

The mums were shocked at the outburst but moved the table away for him anyway.

I wouldn't have bothered posting but he did it about another 3 times to other people who dared to sit at his table. Even though he was outside, so it was a 'free' table. He wasn't even particularly nice about it but I noticed people were really quick to move even if their children had just sat down. Should they have? I felt annoyed on their behalf and felt he was being quite rude.

I would do my "I agree with Bran" joke but you lot probably wouldn't get it.

Trust me. It would be hilarious

omg Now you have made me think of Brian

DD DD is a star , she gives a voice to people like my dd who don't have one.
but the OP is too busy being smart to give a shit......(too much bran)

Sorry BigChoc this man must've known kids with parents would be at this event and he's not stupid he'd know they'd be around and the potential to be overexcited and knock things over.

And if he'd been fine and not a miserable old or young git then of course he'd be fine to be there, he wasn't being accommodating.

Unless he had kids or was with kids with his attitude he should've stayed away knowing his badtempernedness. Some people with disabilities or without disabilities relish/love the chance to whinge and whine (see his quarrel) and to make a scene.

As I said my DB's FIL often goes out in his wheelchair eats out and uses cafes etc. He uses both takeaway and China cups (seen him do this) he is perfectly capable of maneuvering to a wheelchair accessible table and staff are more than happy usually to accommodate him. He goes with family and friends but also by himself as his wife works during the week but drops him off where they live (Bath). I have never heard of him being rude, hogging tables or speaking loudly but he gets his point across if he isn't happy (which isn't often). In fact when he was trapped in a lift with my mum after a trip to the ice rink in their park was one of the only times when he had to shout! He certainly wouldn't be rude to some mums with kids who had taken their kids to see a firework display!

I am not saying every wheelchair user/CP sufferer would be like my relative, no one is perfect and I totally appreciate the hassles my DB's FIL and other disabled people have to go through on a daily basis with little or no access to places and also dealing with inconsiderate and sometimes not very nice people.

oh come on. who made you queen of CP
you know one person with Cp and judge the rest on them.\well like autism CP is on a spectrum, and as with nt folks no 2 people are the same.\why shouldn't an adult be at a fire work show, or is every thing for kids now

The guy was a miserable git jaxsbum sorry if you've got a bee in your bonnet due to your own issues re CP etc. I was not attacking you personally like you think I was...

I do know 2 CP sufferers like i said and have been on hols with the relative so have seen first hand how he's treated in a good and bad way (mostly good).

I know what I myself would do and this man seems to have wanted a chance to have had had a go.... It's not like OP didn't speak to him or try to accommodate him, she did both those things.

Now I think I will not respond anymore to this thread because you seem to wheel out all the cards in your favour!

Did you mean that post to be so snide SuperFly?

Gah, sorry. You have gone haven't you. Because Jax is doing some weird wheeling card thing.

Come on Jax, it's just us. Wheel cards for me.
Whatever the fuck that means.

So here's a question: tomorrow I'm taking my little boy to see the fireworks, on (horror of horror) my mobility scooter .

I've been every year now for a while, and it's really really hard, scary and a stark reminder of how different and vulnerable I am.

I'm afraid I don't recognize the description of a mobility scooter as a massive selfish tank. Yes they're heavy, but, this meme of 'scooters are weapons and they hurt poor innocent normal humans, baaaan them' well, it's not a true reflection on reality, and whether it's meant or not, it's ends up as way of putting disabled people back in their place.

I suspect one problem with scooters is they allow people to shape shift from one stereotype to another and people become uncomfortable about this. It also can feel like an essential safety barrier between you and the world, and I don't think some people like that evening out of status. Some people like their cripples safely strapped into a wheelchair where they belong.

Anyway to give an idea of how difficult my night will be, and why I may not be that genial if your behavior is making it worse.

HOW? I will find a place in the crowd where I can most safely be, which will be either somewhere near the front to avoid the crush (yes, the horror, near the front!), or far at the back a good distance from the back of the crowd as its too unsafe/ scary in the middle/ back due to other peopIle pushing and tripping over me... The back is among the trees so can't see the fireworks much, but at least people aren't trying to shove me out of the way.

MY CHILD: I'll sit DS on my knee, (which in turn will be on the offensive vehicle!) so he doesn't get trodden on by others who stumble around in the dark, see a 'gap' in the crowd which is what happens when you are sitting down whilst surrounded by standing people tossling, and those people will like last year bang into me, trip over me and gave my small child a bruised head by the same treatment. People also use the darkness to have a sneaky push to see if they can literally shove me to one side. They can get really pissed off if they can't move me like a supermarket trolley!

Or the cheeky bastards who lean on the back of my seat, prop their bags up on the back, or even try and wedge their bums on my arm rests or on the front. And then there are the teenagers & up who think it's hilarious to hang onto my chair and stand on the back or on a skate board, or the drunk people whojump out in front of me to make me stop suddenly or swerve into the mud, or just mock me. Soooo funny.

I won't go into detail, but the physical impact of this kind of stuff is massive. Kind of hard to 'be a good sport' when someone has injured you isn't it?

THE ALTERNATIVE: Of course, if I find I'm not brave enough, or well enough, I might ask for help, (or demand 'special treatment' depending on your attitude), instead of trying to endure, me and DS will be perhaps segregated away from the normal people having a good time together and I'll pretend I don't mind not being part of the crowd. Pretend to my child it's ok that he gets treated differently just because of his disabled mother.

So, go to a special entrance, which no one can direct you too, at a special time too probably, and be escorted to a roped off area and left there unable to go let my child ride on the rides there, and not be able to buy my child roasted chestnuts, or a light up wand etc, or meet his friends from school, or even go to the toilet. Then I have to leave either before the fireworks finish due to 'crowd control', or after everyone else has gone. but hey, I'm so damn lucky I was allowed to 'join in'.

Kids are around at many fun events, which is great and natural.
But the disabled also have the right to attend, to be allowed space and consideration, to feel reasonably safe.

I don't understand the hostility to scooters.
Noone would ride in one if they didn't have to; it must be so awkward and frustrating.
I hope you and your DS enjoy the fireworks, miscellaneous

Oh Miscellaneous

I'm so sorry.
Can I just say that your child will gain as well as lose from his experiences with you. Two of my children have had 'different' childhoods because their brother is disabled.
They have gained as much as they have lost. They are fantastic people with resilience and empathy and a great sense of grasping all that life can offer.
They never sit back whining 'what about me' or 'X person was mean'

Most of the whining on this thread came from people inconvenience by others with disabilities. I think that's symptomatic of those who can't cope with any adversity. Resilience is a valuable skill.

miscellaneous

and from dd, too:

caprinihahaha yes I did mean my post to come across as snide to jaxsbum who I think has pounced on me at every opportunity so far in this post.

I tried the nice and understanding tack with her... Nothing!

My whole point and I stand by it the man was bloody rude and there's no need for it disabled or not! I totally appreciate as I said his problems re his CP and using a wheelchair in crowded places no need for rudeness.

Just as an aside my DB's FIL and his family scope out the places they can or cannot go due to his disability - not always possible but you have to think of them first.

miscellaneous I am sorry that you encounter difficulties when you attend such events. I hope more and more people are pleasant and accommodating these days and continue to be. I myself have been in a choir last spring called 'weighting' by Extraordinary Bodies (a circus) where we had able and non able bodied performers both choir and acrobats/band. I've also noticed at a few events like Lambeth Country Show and Splash (Brixtons carnival) that there seems to be much more wheelchair accessibility and inclusion for non able bodied people.

Oh ok. You tried to be nice arguing with her but when she wasn't nice back you were snide.

I think your point is reasonable, that being disabled doesn't excuse one from being polite, but I think basing it on 'well I know two disabled people' is crass. And bollocks.
People are different. Being disabled doesn't turn people into some homogenised group who are all ever so grateful just to be allowed in with the normal folk. Some people are pissed off.

Capri I wasn't even arguing with her...

I know that people are different but generally I do think a bit of politeness goes a long way. And would have done in this situation.

If you'd have read my other posts I stated maybe he was pissed off generally and wanted the chance at this event to be able to have a go. He knows his limits, he knows his accessibility etc... He must also know kids are there and that they may or may not bump into him. Or he isn't as self aware who knows??!!

Anyway it's pointless me going on about this, the moment has passed.

SuperFlyHigh sorry you thought I was pouncing on you, you posted that had knowledge of CP so I was surprised by what you said, no pouncing intebded

Perhaps it was a misunderstanding of others posts then?

Of course ideally everyone should be polite. But being disabled doesn't create a higher standard where he has to absolutely prepare and account for others and be sanguine about his circumstances.
He may well be a dick. My point is that I would not expect him to plan ahead and have an expectation of difficult events and not be in a bad mood because he is disabled. He is obviously under far more stress than the majority of people at the event. He had a crappy night. That's it.

I didn't start a thread pondering the motivation and attitude of the bloke who let the door swing in my face at the cinema and then shouted at the staff. I assumed he was either a dick or having a bad day. People didn't challenge him either.

This is an issue because he is disabled and disabled people should behave like X.
It's just nonsense and constantly illustrates those who think of disabled people as 'other'

But again you might be leaving because it's not worth discussing and pointless so I'm hopefully talking to myself .

SuperFlyHigh I find you patronising and sanctimonious. Second hand observations are very very far from living with and understanding disability. My DH is a wheelchair user and father of 3. When we go out as a family he is not just concerned with his own safety and comfort but also with that of his DW and DC. Being a hands on parent he is also aware of the limited ability of all DC to look out for their own safety in crowded environments. He may well come across as rude and aggressive if pointing out the obvious fact that young children should not be jostling around tables with unattended scalding hot drinks on. If he did not have severe mobility issues he would probably just position all 15 stone and 6 foot 5 of himself between the table and the DC and not say anything. He finds the fact that he cannot do this deeply frustrating.

I recognise all of miscellaneous description all too well. I also agree with everything caprini said about DC growing up with disabled parents. However far more could and should be done by the able bodied World to smooth their path. Our IMAX allows us to queue jump as a family and reserves the best seats in the house for wheelchair users and those who accompany them. There is almost always a choice to be made around whether those with disabilities are tolerated or included.

howabout sorry you find me patronising and sanctimonious and I can see how I've come across that way.

DB's FIL has only been in a wheelchair for about 8 years now so when he had CP he was quite mobile, able to drive etc... So did not need to think of DW, DC. I have to say now, he does think of DW but mostly everyone rallies round him re his needs.

Let's leave it there and I apologise to jaxsbum and caprinhaha I just don't like rudeness generally but maybe I live in an idealistic world!

howabout it also upsets me that when DB's FIL is in London a lot of places are inaccessible to him and tube etc is a major mission.

We all had a great fortnight holiday in Barcelona 2 years ago and were pleasantly surprised how almost every metro station had lift access from pavement into metro and how drivers happily got out a ramp for his wheelchair at almost every station platforms! Also how many museums and art galleries (which are the families main pleasure) even those with steep steps had wheelchair access/lifts. Same with restaurants/cafes with outside seating everyone helped re wheelchair accommodation and it was pleasantly untricky to get around.

So many shops/restaurants etc do not realise how a simple ramp (inexpensive and can be made by hand) can make access so much easier for a wheelchair.

oh for heavens sake"when he had CP"
are you trying to wind people up, it doesn't go away, its brain damage?injury, can't be healed or cured.
I shouted at someone the other week, he was reversing his car and nearly hit my dc's wheelchair! bet he judged me,(and my adult DS who was there as well)
being in a wheelchair seems to make you invisible

jaxs I meant when he had CP and didn't have to use a wheelchair... I forgot to explain clarify whatever. There's no need to jump down my throat.

When he had CP and didn't have to use or need a wheelchair (and he still has CP now!) he was more mobile, could use both hands reasonably as opposed to limited use with one hand and could walk and drive well.

SuperFly,
It very kind of you to apologise but I promise you there is absolutely no need.

I do disagree with you on the issue but there is absolutely nothing to apologise for. It's just a difference of views on the Internet. I'm not the slightest bit offended and hope you are not taking my irritation with your views as any reflection of anything personal. We just disagree. It's fine.