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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was the man in the wheelchair BU?

212 replies

VulvaVoom · 06/11/2015 15:24

I'm only mentioning his wheelchair because I guess it's relevant to how people responded to him.

We were in a small cafe in a park late yesterday pm waiting for some child friendly 'fireworks' - it was a laser show thing.

Me my DM and DD got there really early and got a hot drink. A man came in, in a wheelchair that he was maneuvering himself by using his foot.

From a brief chat we had with him it seemed like he could have had something like cereal palsy but obviously I don't know.

When a BBQ gazebo area was set up outside, he left his takeaway drink on the table and went outside. The cafe started to get really busy and a group of people, several mums with about 6 children took the table next to 'his'.

Anyway he comes back in and shouts to the women to move his table back and away from the children as he was saying his drink would get spilled.

The mums were shocked at the outburst but moved the table away for him anyway.

I wouldn't have bothered posting but he did it about another 3 times to other people who dared to sit at his table. Even though he was outside, so it was a 'free' table. He wasn't even particularly nice about it but I noticed people were really quick to move even if their children had just sat down. Should they have? I felt annoyed on their behalf and felt he was being quite rude.

OP posts:
DurhamDurham · 06/11/2015 16:44

People with disabilities are just like every other sector of their community.....some are lovely, some horrible, some kind, others grumpy. People with disabilities also have bad days like the rest of us, maybe he got up in a grump or maybe he is always like that.
I don't think people should be forgiven for all manner of bad behavior whether they have a disability or not.

Original poster
VulvaVoom · 06/11/2015 16:45

The wheelchair is irrelevant I guess but for context I felt it should be mentioned. I realise wheelchairs users and non wheelchair users can be polite or not so polite but I was surprised how meek people were. I doubt they would have been if it was an able bodied man.

He definitely shouted, in front 6 young, bemused children. It wasn't like he asked nicely first he just got stroppy and asked the mums to move the table away in quite an aggressive manner.

No problem with hands as he came back in eating a burger.

I guess I posted as I was astounded by the rudeness but also by the way people reacted.

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 06/11/2015 16:48

Vulva no one wants to have a go at a guy in a wheelchair, no matter how rude he is. It seems bullying.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 06/11/2015 16:52

He was acting like a twat.

Jaxsbum · 06/11/2015 16:57

here we go again......"I wouldn't have bothered posting" so why post. what do you want another thread saying how rude disabled people are.
perhaps(I don't know as not the doctor who has his notes) his disabilty makes him react badly.....

TheFairyCaravan · 06/11/2015 17:01

No problem with hands as he came back in eating a burger.

Ever tried propelling a wheelchair carrying a burger and a hot drink? Nah, thought not! Hmm

Imagine being in a wheelchair. It's about 100 times as hard. Imagine trying to negotiate around busy areas in it. It's about 1000 times as hard. Imagine trying to carry things, especially a hot drink, while negotiating a busy area in a wheelchair. It goes beyond all realms of most people's comprehension. Be grateful for that!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/11/2015 17:03

Exactly. He was obviously stressed out.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/11/2015 17:04

Seriously cannot understand the mentality of someone who would start a thread to slag off someone with a disability who was trying to carry and drink a hot drink in a busy place and got a bit stressed and grumpy.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 06/11/2015 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/11/2015 17:06

Wow anyone would think you just joined MN to stir the shit Hmm

Jaxsbum · 06/11/2015 17:07

FanjofortheMammaries you and me both, but then we havn't had one for a while

howabout · 06/11/2015 17:07

Agreed Fanjo. Not only that but he appears to have been stressed because he was trying to stop someone else's DC from burning themselves on the hot drink.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 06/11/2015 17:08

Are you talking to me, fanjo? Can't tell, it's a recurring issue with you this afternoon.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 06/11/2015 17:08

Sometimes people have bad days and behave like twats.

I have autism and whilst I think I'm a nice rational person most of the time there are times when I get upset or stressed or grumpy and behave like an arse. Because I'm human too Smile

Owllady · 06/11/2015 17:08

It's really difficult to manoeuvre a wheelchair, it's really surprising how many obstacles there are. My friend and myself took my daughter out yesterday in her wheelchair. Whilst we were eating our lunch another wheelchair tried to get past and couldn't, so we moved our wheelchair out of the way so the other wheelchair could get through, then went back to eating our lunch :o but it's very difficult and I think you need to make allowances that it IS frustrating. Try it

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/11/2015 17:09

Yes I was goodnight

TheFairyCaravan · 06/11/2015 17:09

Why would anyone make the sort of comments goodnight is making about disabled people?

Original poster
VulvaVoom · 06/11/2015 17:10

No hot drink in his hand, that was on the table. I get that it's horrible for wheelchair users trying to negotiate around and no doubt very frustrating at times. I have an uncle in a wheelchair so I do have some experience of it.

The point I have made badly was about the reaction of people. If he hadn't been in a wheelchair, I'm sure people would have told him to bog off. My AIBU was meant to be about that really and WIBU to be surprised by this.

I also wondered how I would have dealt with it if it was my child he'd shouted right in front of and I think I would have been just as meek - and done what he asked too for fear of being seen telling a wheelchair user to do one.

Apologies re cereal palsy, damn autocorrect.

OP posts:
Hygge · 06/11/2015 17:11

I'm confused about what was wrong really.

They left 'his' table empty and sat at the one next to it, and he shouted at them for being near his empty table so they moved? And then he came back inside with food and sat at the table?

Is that why he was outside? He was fetching food from the barbecue bit? Was he allowed to fetch outside food inside the cafe?

I wouldn't have moved from an adjacent table, although I would make sure the children didn't knock his drink and hurt themselves and ensured he still had enough space to get his wheelchair in and out. Wouldn't have appreciated being shouted at rather than asked though.

Not quite relevant but you've reminded me of something which happened while we were on away overnight in the summer. We had breakfast at the hotel, just settled down with hot drinks and orange juice before going to choose breakfast from the self service bit, and a woman came over and took DH's coffee mug out of his hand.

And said to him "we weren't quite finished but you stay there. I'll just have my drink back though, I'd like to finish it."

Then she looked up and saw her own family still sitting at their own table, right beside the one we were at, with her coffee still beside her empty plate.

Both her family and ours were just watching her with Shock expressions.

She went very red, mumbled "sorry" and just put the mug down next to DH and walked out again. Grin

TheFairyCaravan · 06/11/2015 17:13

He couldn't carry a hot drink and a burger and propel his wheelchair could he? That's why he left the drink on the table. He's a man not a bloody octopus!

howabout · 06/11/2015 17:16

I think if an able bodied man had pointed out to me that my DC were too close to a seemingly vacant table with a hot drink on it they were in danger of toppling I would not have told him to "bog off". I would probably have said thank you no matter how abrupt he was and had a think about my DC supervisory skills. Perhaps I am not normal, but I think coffee shops are dangerous places for DC and it is up to the parents to keep them safe.

Jaxsbum · 06/11/2015 17:18

drip drip

goodnightdarthvader1 · 06/11/2015 17:18

What comments am I making, fairy? Do you mean the fact that I think disabled people can be rude just because they're rude and not because they're disabled? How is that controversial?

Or the fact that I quite rightly pointed out that people are generally reluctant to have a go at someone in a wheelchair because they'd feel like they were being a shit? Or is that somehow disablist (sp?) instead of honest? I know in MN world everyone's supposed to be treated equally, but I think you'll find that most people who be reluctant to be rude to someone in a wheelchair (not including people with no manners).

goodnightdarthvader1 · 06/11/2015 17:19

howabout even if he'd shouted it aggressively at you?

Christ, everyone on MN is so measured and reasonable and lying through their teeth

Dawndonnaagain · 06/11/2015 17:20

MN jury will think he should be given 5000 miles of slack because he's disabled^
Really? Get yourself an education.

I think fanjo is too sensitive for MN.
I'm beginning to think you're too rude for MN.