Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 14 15

Original poster

AIBU - spending Christmas alone

368 replies

chrome100 · 04/11/2015 11:45

My sister has told me I am "not allowed" to come for Christmas.

Bit of background, she has just had a baby (in September) with my BIL and they have moved house, so she's had a lot on her plate. I get that. Our parents will be abroad and she's told me she doesn't want me coming to theirs as she wants it to be just her, her husband and the baby for my nephew's first Christmas.

I've offered to host them at my place (I now live 20 mins from them), or to just come round to theirs for a few hours. I've also offered to do the cooking for them (which is a big deal for me as I am a terrible cook but I am prepared to give it a go) but no - that is not good enough.

I have no partner or children so suppose I will be spending it alone. I am not a huge Christmas fan and it doesn't really matter, but I was looking forward to spending a nice day with my sister, BIL and baby nephew (the first baby in our family for over 30 years).

AIBU to feel upset? Aren't I family too?

OP posts:

NuggetofPurestGreen · 04/11/2015 12:06

YANBU OP. Personally I like spending Christmas alone but your sister is being mean. Even if she does want a day with her baby and DH, surely leaving you out is worse and selfish. Especially in light of all the help you've given them.

LagunaBubbles · 04/11/2015 12:07

It would never occur to any adults I know to go anywhere (family included) without a specific invite

And it hasn't occurred to the OP either so Im not sure what your point is.

I would never leave a sibling alone at Christmas, its too horrible to even contemplate.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/11/2015 12:07

Jeez, you spend your time doing them a huge favor and they cant give you a couple of hours, as a thank you.

Londonista123 · 04/11/2015 12:07

That sounds terrible OP. It sounds like things are a bit baby-centric at the mo for your sister, and instead of having you over for a few hours or whatever they've gone a bit OTT.

I'm chiming in as no-one has suggested this yet: when I was alone during my first christmas in London, I signed up to volunteer with Crisis (I think there are equivalent organisations all over the country).

I spent the 24th - 27th with tons of volunteers and homeless people from all walks of life, I peeled spuds, I played chess (and was beaten roundly - homeless people kick ass at chess, it turns out), I guarded a room with people's stuff, I made tea and coffee, handed out biscuits, handed out presents, helped people use the internet/computer.

I look back on it with so much fondness now, and such a strong feeling of community. Everyone was friendly, fun, mucked in with whatever. I'd really recommend it. You won't spend a millisecond thinking about your sis if you've got that on the go.

ConfusedInBath · 04/11/2015 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shovetheholly · 04/11/2015 12:13

YANBU to be upset. However, I think there are ways that you can still have a great time without them (if you can't join em, sod em! But remember this when they want a babysitter in future!!)

I definitely second the volunteering idea - it's brilliant!!

Also, a couple of years ago, I met up with friends on Christmas day and we went for a country walk and a pub pint before going back to our own houses - they went off to their family, and I went home. No commitment, no cooking dinner or fussing, just a really happy time. It was absolutely lovely.

Sansoora · 04/11/2015 12:16

If I lived in the UK I would love to have a Christmas like the one Londonista had.

OP - YANBU to be feeling pretty miffed at this turn of events and perhaps its time to learn from it.

Imogentlasting · 04/11/2015 12:17

Your sister is being horribly selfish. I really don't understand how anyone can enjoy Christmas knowing that they've slammed the door in a family member's face. A Christmas built on such a mean spirit and lack of generosity or empathy is not special, regardless of what such people might tell themselves.

YANBU

peaz · 04/11/2015 12:18

This is awfully sad. Where do you live, if you don't mind me asking.

My brother died this year. Whilst I am not one to trot out the 'she doesn't know how lucky she is to have a living sibling' line, I will miss my brother terribly and cannot imagine how we will get through this Christmas.

Asda are doing PS10 for a bottle of Baileys. Go to M&S, order a big spread of food that you don't have to share, buy a box set and on Christmas Day just spoil yourself rotten.xxx

IjustGotmy2016diary · 04/11/2015 12:19

Yanbu to be upset at being alone and your sister is also nbu for wanting it to just be with them.

However, yabu if you start the guilt trip with coming up with various ways of getting to see them.

Also don't try and get an invite to friend's. If they want to invite you once they hear that you are alone then that is their perogative

Inertia · 04/11/2015 12:19

That's pretty mean of her considering how much you've helped- it's not as though they'll be struggling with a tiny brand new baby by then. Still, at least you know where you stand next time they want a favour.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/11/2015 12:20

I'm gonna be alone most of christmas, will probably have dinner at mums. DD is with her dad. I dont mind being alone as I can drink and sleep at my leisure.

MitzyLeFrouf · 04/11/2015 12:20

YANBU

She wants family on her terms. Her terms being that she's happy for you to do her favours but she doesn't want to have to reciprocate.

She's a cow.

Original poster

chrome100 · 04/11/2015 12:22

I live in North Yorkshire.

I am not really a drinker but think I'll go for a nice walk and then eat chocolate (!)

I know people say they like the idea of a day to themselves in their PJs but that is quite often every Saturday night for me so I'd quite like a change.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 04/11/2015 12:22

if you like walking book a walking holiday over Christmas.
or sign up to do some voluntary work -tthere will be great camaraderie and you might meet new people [who will invite you next christmas] .
dont depend on your sister.

ps you are young!

30s is for going out and doing stuff you cant do when you got babies

Shutthatdoor · 04/11/2015 12:22

I know your sister have every right to not invite you but I cannot imagine ever in my life leaving a sister to spend Christmas alone.
I see that as very selfish.
It's about family, ALL family.
I'm seething on your behalf.

^ agreed, especially as you do help them out.

Maybe next time they ask for help I'd be saying no. Also I'd be saying that you need the space back that you are using for their furniture

AndNowItsSeven · 04/11/2015 12:23

Yanbu , how incredibly selfish and mean of your sister.

cestlavielife · 04/11/2015 12:25

go on local meet up site, connect with walking groups - it's a good hobby and most walking meet up groups involve a nice warm pub. make it a new year resolution to get involved so next year you are not dependent on your sister www.meetup.com/

Twunk · 04/11/2015 12:26

I wouldn't leave anyone I knew alone at Christmas if they didn't want to be - new baby or no. YANBU.

PreciousxBane · 04/11/2015 12:26

I really dislike my SIL but even I would struggle with her having Christmas alone unless she wanted that.

It's not as if you want to bowl up and stay a few days. You would think that they would invite you over and say come for dinner but can you come for three hours or something.

I would love to be 33 again, you are young.

Enjolrass · 04/11/2015 12:27

I totally get them wanting Christmas on their own. But, given the circumstances I am shocked she has done it.

If it was me I would invite you.

Although your Christmas sounds like bliss to me. Probably not to you, but I am a bit jealous

cestlavielife · 04/11/2015 12:27

telling your sister how mean she is wont make for a pleasant day anyway, she has made her decision. begging her to let you come wont make for a nice day will it? let it go... dont stoop to her level - also with new baby only ten(?) weeks old give a bit of lee way... people can turn funny...

Lottapianos · 04/11/2015 12:28

'Still, at least you know where you stand next time they want a favour.'

This. Very much this. I would be putting myself first at all times from now on OP and would definitely not put myself out to help with dogs or babies or anything that is asked of me.

Some people become ridiculously precious with the 'baby's first Christmas at home' nonsense. He's a baby FGS - its not like he will have a clue what's going on! And you're clearly not the sort of guest who would just sit around and expect to be waited on hand and food. I think your sister is being very unfair on you and I'm not at all surprised that you're feeling hurt.

Sounds like you have a made a lovely plan for yourself so good for you and I hope you enjoy every minute of it x

DinosaursRoar · 04/11/2015 12:29

Why will your parents be overseas? Do they live there? I do think it's worse of your parents to not invite their DD for Christmas more than your sister, but then it's a bit shit she doesn't want you over knowing you are on your own.

Great you are going away. Perhaps plan early for next year to have another holiday or something lined up - there are lots of holiday destinations where local people don't celebrate Christmas so it wouldn't be a big deal to treat it like another day.

cestlavielife · 04/11/2015 12:30

or go on a cooking course - no excuse to be a terrible cook it is something you can easily learn. it really is.

you don't make it sound enticing - "come to mine - you know how badly i cook... "

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 14 15

Swipe left for the next trending thread