AIBU - spending Christmas alone

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My sister has told me I am "not allowed" to come for Christmas.

Bit of background, she has just had a baby (in September) with my BIL and they have moved house, so she's had a lot on her plate. I get that. Our parents will be abroad and she's told me she doesn't want me coming to theirs as she wants it to be just her, her husband and the baby for my nephew's first Christmas.

I've offered to host them at my place (I now live 20 mins from them), or to just come round to theirs for a few hours. I've also offered to do the cooking for them (which is a big deal for me as I am a terrible cook but I am prepared to give it a go) but no - that is not good enough.

I have no partner or children so suppose I will be spending it alone. I am not a huge Christmas fan and it doesn't really matter, but I was looking forward to spending a nice day with my sister, BIL and baby nephew (the first baby in our family for over 30 years).

AIBU to feel upset? Aren't I family too?

At 33 I don't really feel the OPs parents should be worrying about how she is spending the day and I think she could go to France with them but doesn't want to ?

I agree with what was mentioned previously which is the ridiculous pressure put on us all to be living the perfect Christmas surrounded by family whereas when you look at reality it's far from that.

This will be my sixth Christmas split from XH and we imploded over Christmas and I'm hoping this will be the year that I can totally switch off from "Christmas".

OP embrace your decision and for what it's worth I would enjoy beautiful countryside and peace far more than dry turkey, second rate TV and everyone on best behaviour. Yes if you have a lovely family Christmas that's nice but don't fall into the trap of thinking everybody but you is having that because it's a long way from true

At 33 I don't really feel the OPs parents should be worrying about how she is spending the day

Really? At 51 I worry about my friend spending Christmas day on her own if she doesn't want to and would always invite her - she can choose not to come (and very often does go away on her own).

But then I don't offer her "dry turkey, second rate TV and everyone on best behaviour" - we have perfectly normal roast dinner, anything you want to watch on TV or a walk or read your book, basically chill and enjoy a relaxed day. We behave pretty well most of the time and so don't need to make any special effort to be on best behaviour at Christmas - you're not inviting the Queen!

Mind you my friend after the first time she came was amazed at how stress free our christmasses are - everyone mucks in, no-one cares who eats what or who does what. It's pretty much a day when everyone gets to do whatever they want in our house.

"At 33 I don't really feel the OPs parents should be worrying about how she is spending the day"

Why not? My sister is 54. I would worry if I thought she was spending the day alone.

There are some very mean-spirited posters on this thread.

In what way patience?

I find it quite mean-spirited that some posters are calling the mother of a 6 week(ish) old baby a selfish cow.

Why does the fact that she has a six week old baby excuse her from being called a selfish cow.

She is behaving incredibly selfishly, by leaving a sibling on her own for Christmas Day.

Rookie - the mean-spirited posts are very clear to see.

The sister is being really selfish and not kind. If you are fundamentally a good person you wouldn't leave your sister to spend Christmas on her own. Especially one who you get on with/is low maintenance/helps you out...

There are sadly quite a few posters who would be more than happy to do this.

Goodness well you all must have been better adjusted than I was 6 weeks post birth.

I wasn't PND as scored short for that, but I was in floods of tears every day and most simple acts were quite beyond me. I'm not sure I could have focused properly on an event more than 6 weeks in the future sensibly.

But fine, she's clearly a selfish cow and OP is perfect.

I am a huge believer in letting new mothers do what they want and supporting them, even if that means, staying away until they feel ready.

I just think as its christmas and she is living close by with no need for staying over, its cruel.

They could have given times, if they wanted. And compromised.

Op when your sister needs you, which she will do very soon, when dh has gone back to work and she is caught short, please tell her - " oh no, I really need today to be by myself" its non negotiable.

rookie its her sister, and one who by all accounts she feels comfortable with, not an interfering MIL or high maintenance parents who will want to be waited on.

No one was asking the sister to cook a ten course meal and provide an evening of fun and games was she? I imagine the OP just wanted to come and sit quietly with family.

rookie the OP offered to host Christmas or to cook Christmas dinner in her sister's house. She also made it clear she would only come around for part of the day if invited. She is not expecting her sister to wait on her or have her to stay overnight or rush around the shops buying turkey and Brussels sprouts.

Ok the thing is we only have OP's side of the story on this. I agree from what has been presented to us, that it does seem harsh on the OP.

However it also seems a bit odd to me if OP and Dsis are as close as OP describes them to be. Therefore it seems only kind to cut a new mother a wee bit of slack and not ascribe such negative language to her.

I can see why the OP didn't want to pursue the matter, but without asking, we don't know the Dsis motivation and the fact that they cancelled going to ILs may be indicative that she's struggling.

We simply don't know.

the fact that they cancelled going to ILs may be indicative that she's struggling.

I might be wrong, but I thought IL was cancelled before the baby was born

Fair enough Rookie, but the worrying thing on here is the amount of posters who genuinely don't seem to see anything wrong with someone excluding a close family member from their Christmas Day. On this, and other threads, you see a lot of encouragement to 'do what you want', 'It's not your responsibility' 'It's your Christmas day' and a lot of it does come across as mean spirited and unpleasant.

How unkind, sounds like you are much better off spending Christmas away from her, enjoy your break and don't do her any favours any time soon!

I'm sorry OP, but your sister is a grade A Bitch. For the next few months I wouldn't have anything to do with her. I would ignore calls and texts and if she comes to the door, don't answer. Her behaviour is outrageous. My sister is 350 miles away from me, and if I thought she would be alone at Christmas, I'd drive the 700 mile round trip to get her here.

Have you thought about joining SPICE? It's like a youth club for adults. They always do activities over Christmas including a few nights away over Christmas. Many people that go there don't know anyone and so you're all in the same boat. They do walking weekends, meals out, sports etc.
I was invited to friends one new year but I was sick of feeling like the sad, single friend amongst couples and so decided to do a SPICE weekend instead. Best decision ever, met a man on that weekend who is now the father of my children! ?? Not saying you should go to meet someone (it's not a dating agency) it just means you will most definitely not be alone this Christmas. I remember that feeling of being alone at home every weekend. To have that at Christmas is not nice xx