AIBU - spending Christmas alone

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My sister has told me I am "not allowed" to come for Christmas.

Bit of background, she has just had a baby (in September) with my BIL and they have moved house, so she's had a lot on her plate. I get that. Our parents will be abroad and she's told me she doesn't want me coming to theirs as she wants it to be just her, her husband and the baby for my nephew's first Christmas.

I've offered to host them at my place (I now live 20 mins from them), or to just come round to theirs for a few hours. I've also offered to do the cooking for them (which is a big deal for me as I am a terrible cook but I am prepared to give it a go) but no - that is not good enough.

I have no partner or children so suppose I will be spending it alone. I am not a huge Christmas fan and it doesn't really matter, but I was looking forward to spending a nice day with my sister, BIL and baby nephew (the first baby in our family for over 30 years).

AIBU to feel upset? Aren't I family too?

I guess .

But it emphasises my point that the OP clearly feels hard done by because she does all these lovely things for her sis with nothing in return.

OP also mentions storing her furniture. If the sis had a baby in September and moved house, it's hardly likely that she's had any time to collect the stuff. If it bothers the OP that much then she could take it round to her.

OK hands up in the same situation I'd definitely invite the Op for Christmas.

However it just seems that some posters are keen to lambast the Dsis without knowing the full story - "selfish" and "cow" have been used many times, sometimes together.

To me it seems odd that Dsis and co have cancelled going to In-Laws - surely the GPs would be keen to see their GC on the first Christmas? Maybe Dsis does have PND, maybe the only way DH would agree to her not going to the In laws was by having a blanket no family at all rule.

If Dsis is normally kind and lovely i.e. has OP over regularly etc. etc. then it seems quite harsh to call her such names without knowing the other side.

So how does advance searching the OP and dragging up and reposting her previous posts add anything positive to the discussion?

The OP wasn't leaving anyone alone in that scenario so I'm not sure how it applies?

How is it what goes around comes around. OPs sister was at her in laws for that Christmas and had actually missed other Christmas' too.

OP changed her plans to be around Christmas day to be with her parents and family friend then the sister wanted her to change them again.

volup I agree with Shut.

From what you posted the OPs sis was at her in laws on Christmas day and the OP changed her plans to help her parents.

I call my brother's children 'my' nieces and nephews. What is an aunt supposed to call them volup.

You really seem to be clutching at straws here volup

For all you know, OP could have gone to that Christmas/boxing day lunch out of a sense of obligation, and for it now to bite her in the ass. Bit odd to dig up / advance search people, no?

And I've no idea why you dragged up that post by the OP. First of all, in general it's an obnoxious thing to do. And secondly, she wasn't proposing to leave anyone alone on Christmas Day.

Ok I'm just trying to get the whole picture and it's the last comment on that post - she is annoyed that she isn't allowed to do what she wants with her holidays. And in this current thread the sister isn't allowed to do what she wants with her holidays but she's annoyed about that too - so double standards there.
TBH given that the parents have previously always hosted, why have they gone abroad this year? Where are the family friends? It all sounds like since the sis got married and shared her time between the parents and the in-laws some folks noses have been put out of joint.
It illustrates my previous comment that Xmas makes everyone go a bit nuts with obligations and control. Life is a journey and things change. Deal with it and just get along.

Some people get WAY too involved with a thread.

They have gone abroad to visit their parents who are in poor health.
Trying to "get the full picture" doesn't justify reposting people's posting history.

Sorry, she said they were very elderly not in poor health. However error the OP did state quite clearly that her parents were visiting elderly parents and voluptuagoodshag I'd you were that bothered about the whole picture you'd make the effort to read the OP's posts.

if you were that bothered

The parents are going abroad not just to see the elderly grandparents but 'because they thought sis was going to Glasgow'. So if sis had never been going to Glasgow in the first place does that mean the parents would have stayed and hosted xmas as usual?

There is more to it than we'll ever know but we'll never get the whole picture because neither the sis or the parents are able to give their opinion.

She was annoyed that having rearranged her Christmas day to facilitate other people she was then expecting to also rearrange her rearrangements to facilitate another request, that didn't even involve Christmas day.

Two totally different scenarios. You could equally ask why, if the sister put so much value on a family meal on boxing day, she is now casually telling her sibling to spend Christmas day alone.

Two totally different scenarios. You could equally ask why, if the sister put so much value on a family meal on boxing day, she is now casually telling her sibling to spend Christmas day alone.

I would be asking that question too.

Is OP banned for the whole of the Christmas period then, or just CD?

People keep asking about friends. The OP said her friends are all going to their families for Christmas. That was the same when I was single, my friends all travelled to their relatives homes for Christmas Day. Friends are often not an option for Christmas Day, because nearly everyone spends it with family.

Of course its upsetting not for your sister to have compromised in some small way, and said come for the morning and lunch then go or something!

I hope you find something lovely to do op, and treat youself.

Cleaty we have always ( when growing up) and then in my own home hosted friends alone for xmas...and In my time of need in the past I too have been welcomed at xmas table.

My parents are going abroad because my sister originally said they'd be spending Christmas with her in laws in Glasgow, so they are going to visit my mother's parents in France who are very elderly

It sounds as though the OP's parents have favoured the younger sister over the OP for a while. The OP's parents don't seem overly concerned about their elder daughter. It's just sad to read about ...

YY Cleaty

And also, lovely and well meaning as people are, I can vouch for the fact that you do end up feeling like an unwanted pet!

Assuming you normally have a reasonable relationship with your sister which you have indicated you do, I think she is being really mean. Once I spent a Christmas alone before I had a child and people who had lots of people around them and lots to do might at Christmas. have though my situation was blissful ........well for me it was anything but. I don't have family here and it is tricky when someone asks you what you are doing for Christmas? The following year I decided to mention to a good friend that I spent Christmas alone and she invited me and my son. We have been at their place for Christmas every year since. We invite them over from time to time.
If I were you I would go for the charity option or if you know somebody who might be alone at Christmas too you could get together with them. When I lived abroad we used to have an orphans Christmas picnic which was fantastic.
But getting back to your sister I think her stance is mean and cruel.

What a depressing read.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Some people are unfortunately just very self-centred!

I can't understand why lots of people are telling you a Christmas on their own sounds blissful - not for a single person who has time alone in abundance! They're being insensitive and thoughtless.

Just remember, you're single, not inferior. And most normal, nice people don't do this to family they supposedly care about.

Eff your sister and her nuclear family Christmas and I would do no more favours for her.

Enjoy the Lakes x