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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be absolutely furious with DH who threw out 'some old children's books' he found stacked in the shed that I'd kept since childhood?

295 replies

Workingfromhome200 · 02/11/2015 11:17

I had about 100 children's books that I'd kept from my own childhood (my late grandmother had read them to me as a kid, others were classics) as well as various books of my own children's that I'd read to them as well. They are now too old for them so I had put them away in the garage for when I have my own grandchildren to read to. DH, who hates any form of clutter, had found them and little by little, been throwing them in the recycling bin, a few books at a time. I discovered this by accident when I was looking through the paper recycling looking for a receipt that might be in a box in there. I was devastated and furious all at once. I phoned him at work and asked him and he took ages to admit it because he has form in this area. Three years ago I had run out of room in my wardrobe and placed some winter clothes in a chest. He went to put some of his own things in the chest, there was no room so go took 'some old clothes there' and put them in the bin outside. I found them a day later when I took out the rubbish, and he promised never to do it again. Don't worry, I am not a hoarder or anything, but we do live in a small 3-bedroom house. But he didn't ask and I think it's just so disrespectful and arrogant not to check. Of course, he's very sorry about what he's done but I have told him not to come home tonight. I am too cross. What makes it worse is that there was one book he didn't throw away because he knew that it was my favourite from childhood (The Lorax from Dr Suess, I was always reading it to our kids when they were little). that tells me he knew what he was doing was sneaky and wrong.

OP posts:
ShortandSweeter · 02/11/2015 11:48

I would leave my partner if they did this. Horrendous.

LagunaBubbles · 02/11/2015 11:49

God, I would be devastated - how dare he! Im another that is genuinely puzzled - who thinks this is acceptable, what on earth is going on in his mind!! I love my collection of Enid Blyton books from my childhood, will never read them again but I guess it gives me a sense of my childhood and how happy it was just knowing I have them to look at.

wickedlazy · 02/11/2015 11:51

Does he have anything special or with sentimental value you could hide, and pretend you threw out? And when he feels as upset as you do now, give it back to him with a "it's not nice is it? But unlike you, I couldn't actually bin something so meaningful". Maybe then the penny will drop as to how bad it is?

Solo · 02/11/2015 11:51

I'm angry on your behalf!
My exh did something similar. Threw away two skirts (that I know of) one of which was brand new because he didn't like them (found them in a bag of rubbish completely ruined). He also threw away 10 years worth of carefully added to year after year of Christmas tree decorations.

He is my ex husband!

Scarletforya · 02/11/2015 11:51

Yanbu
That was a despicable thing to do. ShockSad

MissingPanda · 02/11/2015 11:52

YADNBU It would be bad enough if he'd thrown away books that you'd bought, read once, then stored in the shed because there was no room for them anywhere else. However, these were books that your grandmother read to you, that you read to your children. They hold memories not just stories and sentimental value that is irreplaceable.

BathshebaDarkstone · 02/11/2015 11:52

I'd have fucking killed him. What a dick. Flowers

MythicalKings · 02/11/2015 11:53

Bastard. Angry

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 02/11/2015 11:53

YANBU Sad

What an awful waste of lovely books. The bit by bit nature of this is really disturbing. How horrible.

IsadoraQuagmire · 02/11/2015 11:53

This has horrified me. I would break up with anyone who did something so dreadful. And put a curse on them...

MammaTJ · 02/11/2015 11:55

This was planned carefully, deliberate and spiteful.

I could not be with someone who could be so nasty.

ToadsforJustice · 02/11/2015 11:57

I know that on MN we are quick to shout LTB, but if he has such a cavalier attitude to your beloved possessions, I would question a long term relationship with him. He clearly has no respect for you or your feelings. He knows what he is doing and he knows that it's wrong - but he does it anyway. I'm so sorry for you. You must feel very hurt and betrayed. Thanks

MurlockedInTheCellarHelpUs · 02/11/2015 11:57

That's such a betrayal. I'd have to think long and hard about whether I could be with someone who displayed this level of sneakiness.

I'm so sorry, your poor books. Sad

At the very least, he needs to replace them all - no matter how difficult or expensive that may be.

MissingPanda · 02/11/2015 11:58

Meant to add the fact that he's done it bit by bit shows it wasn't a moment of thoughtlessness but is actually deliberate which is nasty.

Happyminimalist · 02/11/2015 11:59

Im almost a minimalist. I'm Very strict about clutter too but there's no way I would chuck something that wasn't mine. All he had to do was send you a quick text if you weren't about. You Telling him to stay away tonight hopefully should reinforce how unacceptable his behaviour was. Very devious and underhand. If he has real concerns about you having lots of clutter, he should discuss the issue

TheWitTank · 02/11/2015 11:59

What an absolute fucker. To deliberately and sneakily throw away books he knows you adore and want to keep -what the fuck is wrong with him?! I would be absolutely raging. It's actually almost unforgiveable in my eyes; if he had thrown them away in ignorance and by accident then it's bad enough, but the deliberate nature of what he's done....I'm furious on your behalf!

Floggingmolly · 02/11/2015 12:00

The clutter thing doesn't even apply, does it, to stuff stored in the shed?? Even if being annoyed at clutter was a valid excuse in the first place; which it's not.

DepecheNO · 02/11/2015 12:01

What an absolute dick. I know how you must feel, because me and my mother have kept "far too many" books from my childhood through several house moves, with the same motives as you. What he has done is not okay! That he did it gradually to stop you noticing is seriously odd, and makes me think he may enjoy seeing what he can get away with under your nose. Be glad you still have 'The Lorax', but don't let on! He should be made to feel that this is no consolation at all, and pay dearly for his actions.

Happyminimalist · 02/11/2015 12:01

Yes and getting rid of his shirt hopefully should help him know how it feels.

squoosh · 02/11/2015 12:02

I'd be beyond bloody outraged. I'd be incandescent and I'd be so hurt.

The fact he sneaked the books out little by little shows that he knew exactly what he was doing and he knew that these books were important to you.

BogusCatAndTheFuzz · 02/11/2015 12:03

Total and utter Arse

GrinAndTonic · 02/11/2015 12:03

Oh I feel your pain. My DF did the same thing. I had a heap of books stored in my parents shed (I was living overseas) and the boxes got wet. Rather then check the books he just threw them all out. There went my collection of EVERY Enid Blyton book written including first editions and all my Nancy Drews and about three other full series. I could have killed him.

I think he could start trawlng eBay and make a grovelling apology to start.

teatowel · 02/11/2015 12:03

Such a horrible thing to do. He must of realised you would have noticed at some point so I don't get his thinking.

NotEmptyNow · 02/11/2015 12:04

Wow...that is awful. YANBU at all I would be gutted. Not only to have my precious books thrown out but to know that he has done this so sneakily. What is wrong with him?

Bubbletree4 · 02/11/2015 12:04

I am very strict with clutter, I absolutely despise it. But even I would draw the line at chucking out dh's stuff without asking!

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