Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if you invite you pay

284 replies

laffymeal · 31/10/2015 21:26

Just back from friends ds's 18th birthday meal. Me, dh, dd and ds all invited to TGI Fridays along with about 20 others. Only had main course and drinks, dessert was birthday cake which dh drove the mum to Costco for, spent £50 on present, bill arrives and we're asked for £35 a head! Aibu to be fucking totally pissed off? Was happy to contribute towards drinks/tip but not whole fucking meal, which incidentally was quite shite and overpriced. Happy to be told I'm an entitled cunt btw, opinions please!

OP posts:
Epilepsyhelp · 01/11/2015 00:41

To be clear I think I this case the parents should have at least paid for the extra teens who they didn't take money from, completely out of order to split the cost of those guests over everyone else. If you invite people who you know can't or won't pay you have to pay for them yourself.

minimalist000001 · 01/11/2015 00:47

OP I'm quite shocked that your DS didn't know all the birthday boys! Friends son aside.

I'm hopeful that your friend will give the night a little more thought and raise the subject with you. I'd be mortified in her shoes.

MazzleDazzle · 01/11/2015 00:48

Is there any chance that when they said, '£35 per head', they meant just for the adults, and not any of the kids, yours included? [hmmm] Which, by the way, is still unreasonable!

How did the 18 year olds know they didn't have to contribute? Even at 18, I'd have coughed up but thought the 'host' was being tight.

PiperChapstick · 01/11/2015 01:43

YABU that you expected them t pay - but I think you now know that as you have graciously accepted your roasting Grin

YANBU to be fucked off that you paid £35per head at the boaktastic TGI Fridays.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/11/2015 02:13

Thinking about it, you could reasonably, if you wanted to, contact her to say that you seem to have accidentally paid double the amount you should have, since obviously they were covering their son's friends' meals - so you paid for your DC's when you shouldn't have and could you have that £70 back please? As they couldn't possibly have expected you to pay for their son's other guests, surely?! Shock (PA/ feigned ignorance, call it what you will)

But I can see why you wouldn't. I wouldn't be inviting them anywhere ever again, mind you.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 01/11/2015 09:10

I think you've been taken the piss out of.

Not a fan of splitting the bill evenly. A pp up thread gave a good example of being unfair. I've been caught out like this and we ended up well out of pocket. You have to not mind paying for other people's food which I do more so when I discover than they order the most expensive thing on the menu and then leave most of it but won't actually pay the price of it as the bill is being split evenly and they get a dessert as well

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 01/11/2015 11:37

I'm amused by the people who think the 'host' should pay if asked to a restaurant. It's a meal,not a party. The 'invite' isn't the same,none of it is the same. Don't be so daft!

If you are 'invited' to a restaurant you are going to be paying,unless you get a nice surprise at the end!

I don't know why everyone ended up subbing the other teenagers though?

PiperChapstick · 01/11/2015 11:41

I agree with others, you've been had! I'd be tempted to send them a message saying "do you have a receipt from DSS party, I think we may have overpaid and just wanted to check"

Tram10 · 01/11/2015 11:57

Have to say, if we invite to a party, we pay the bill.

That being said, I would not expect to be paid for either, it does annoy me when there is a big alcohol bill and it is still divided equally between those who have not touched a drop.

cleaty · 01/11/2015 12:00

I would have refused t split the bill.

expatinscotland · 01/11/2015 12:06

'I would have refused t split the bill.'

Yep. Someone always piss takes in that scenario.

Tram10 · 01/11/2015 12:15

I just read about bill being split with the exception of the Birthday boy's friends.

Some people have a brass neck !!

Tram10 · 01/11/2015 12:16

the bill

WoodHeaven · 01/11/2015 12:34

Sorry, if this is a 'birthday party meal' then I ould expect the teenagers to be invitted and not to pay.
If this is a meal as in 'we're going to TGI for xx birthday, would you like to come with us?' then I would expect to pay my share.

I am Confused and Angry at the idea of just splitting the bill wo telling people first.
As for the other teenagers not paying ShockShock

tobysmum77 · 01/11/2015 12:36

So basically what happened was that the 17/18 year olds have been deemed as 'children' who cannot afford to pay and you've been left to pick up half the bill. O...K.... the only possible excuse I can think of is that the bill was more than expected and they panicked.

I am confused about them being close friends though, because are they usually tight?

tobysmum77 · 01/11/2015 12:41

I don't know if you invite someone to a restaurant to celebrate your birthday, particularly if some are traveling a distance it's dodgy not to pay. Particularly for a 40th or something where it is in place of a party.

But you do have the choice of going somewhere cheaper/ going out for lunch when people drink less. DH got away with just over 200 for his 40th birthday and there were 16 people.

WhatamessIgotinto · 01/11/2015 12:43

Well I would have expected to pay for our meals, but certainly not for anyone else's!

areyoubeingserviced · 01/11/2015 12:44

Don't ever assume that the hosts are paying.
Dh and I were invited to a 40th birthday party at a restaurant. We were told that the dh of the birthday girl would pay. After the meal we were told that we would have to make a contribution.
We ended up payong £40 a head.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 01/11/2015 12:45

I don't think you're an entitled cunt. If you were invited to a party you wouldn't expect to pay. Not only that but how embarrassing would it have been if you did not have the £35 per head.
They should have at least told people that they would have to pay prior to the event.

areyoubeingserviced · 01/11/2015 12:47

Agree with Lea- if you choose to host an event you should do what you can afford

Lemonfizzypop · 01/11/2015 12:51

This thread is baffling, such different expectations! When me and my friends go out fir meals to celebrate each other's birthday we always pay for our own meals.

Crazybaglady · 01/11/2015 12:56

YANBU!

As others have said, take a mental note down of your families share in future, take cash and if they ask for a split say ' we've only bought out XX it's enough for our share and a tip, have a lovely rest of your evening'

learnt that one quickly after dating a particularly stingy man who always conveniently forgot his wallet

Gwenhwyfar · 01/11/2015 12:57

When I go out for my birthday everyone pays their share and nobody complains about. The reason why is because I'm not a millionaire.

tobysmum77 · 01/11/2015 12:58

I think that is different lemon as its an equal situation. It would make no difference if you all paid for your own in the course of a year.

'Parties' are different and there is a lot in relation to what is reasonable, so the situation of the 'host' ordering champagne then expecting everyone to cough up potentially arises.

I would be fine at having to pay for myself for a sensible dinner without vintage champers but depending on who was going I may feel I had to pay when inviting others.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/11/2015 12:59

The birthday I mentioned above was a thing with 'invitation' through FB though. If it was something more formal such as a 40th anniversary with formal invitations, then it might be more likely that the host would pay.

Swipe left for the next trending thread