to think if you invite you pay

[laffymeal]

Just back from friends ds's 18th birthday meal. Me, dh, dd and ds all invited to TGI Fridays along with about 20 others. Only had main course and drinks, dessert was birthday cake which dh drove the mum to Costco for, spent £50 on present, bill arrives and we're asked for £35 a head! Aibu to be fucking totally pissed off? Was happy to contribute towards drinks/tip but not whole fucking meal, which incidentally was quite shite and overpriced. Happy to be told I'm an entitled cunt btw, opinions please!

You paid more than you ate because the bill was split evenly.

I don't get that argument as being fair. If couple A were vegetarian, light drinkers, and between them had a green salad each for starters and roasted vegetable cous cous for their mains, and stuck to the tap water as they're driving home/or just don't drink for whatever reason.
Why should they pay the same as couple B who love oysters to start, a medium rare steak for their mains in blue cheese sauce, washed down with copious glasses of Merlot?
Doesn't sound very evenly to me. Evenly to me would be playing fair and paying for what you eat instead of others having to subsidise your tastes.

You've been fucked over.

OP you saying she's been referencing it for a while. What has she been saying?

Do you think she assumed you'd had lots of pre meal drinks/starters?

wow, so your kids who are presumably similar ages to the birthday boy, were the ONLY children that had to pay?

that is odd and yes, YWNBU.

It might be worth getting back to them and helpfully point out that they must have drank a bit too much as your combined meal costs couldn't have been more than, say £100, and could they refund you.
Plus tell them you forgot to remind them of how much it was for your birthday.

Which you won't, but certainly don't continue to pay for them to attend your birthday and leave your wallet at home next time they invite you to something or just don't go.

If you raised it in a nice way, what would she say?

YABU

Yanbu. I'd never expect to pay for a party either. If they did want you to pay it should have been stipulate up front. I'd never expect guests to pay for a party and if they didn't want to pay for a huge amount then they should have invited the amount of people they can afford.

Second. Have you actually read the thread?

Maybe next time you need to say something like 'oh here's 100 to cover our meals/drinks and also an extra £10 towards the birthday boys meal'

YANBU. At best, the hosts have been extremely thoughtless in assuming that the other guests would agree to an equal split of the bill. It's good that you have been able to canvas opinion and hopefully you can move on, and let your experience be a lesson to us all!

YANBU.

Your friends are cheap parasites.

You shouldn't have paid a penny to go to a party they invited you to. The fact they decided to host it in TGIF instead of a hall etc is their choice and they should have picked up the tab.

Did your sons know all the birthday boys well?

Of course you pay. People have to be very well off to pay for people they invite to a meal out. Most of us can't do that, so when we are invited, we pay. After all you chose what to order. The overall bill must have been about £700, which would be a lot of money for one person to pay alone.

minimalist is there any particular reason you're behaving like the thread police? I had already read the thread, before you ordered me too, thanks very much
That was pretty much why I posted funnily enough, because I'd read it and wanted to comment.

Gutentag, smiley face.

cleaty That's the thing. If they couldn't afford the party they should have made alternate arrangements or been explicit in the invitation that all guests are expected to pay for their meal.

This is why my 30th was a brunch. We had a great time, got pretty drunk and kept the bill down because DH neigotiated the package for $20 a head. Kids were free as all under 5. Had we hosted a dinner the cost would have been about $80 a head plus our guests would have had to pay for a babysitter.

If I invited friends out for a meal for my child's birthday, then yes, I would pay. I would only invite people if I could afford it. If they offered to contribute something, I'd be grateful, but I certainly wouldn't expect it.

Their behaviour is bizarre! It's a bit like getting a birthday party for free.

YANBU

None of us had met any of the 6 boys before. Previous referencing had been along the lines of "ds wants nearest and dearest there".

I always assume that if we order from a menu, everyone pays their own. Simples.

I would only expect the parents to pay if the birthday child and little friends were still in primary school and I had to send the customary present and expect DS back witha a bag of sweets.

YANBU. If we invite, we pay - whether that's to a house party, a meal out or a wedding. I accept that people do things differently, but if you do the same as me, I'd presume that that was the social norm in your friendship circle.

I'd be gobsmacked to be asked for £14O in tgis.

cleaty why do you say 'after all you chose what to order' - they didn't pay for what they ordered, they paid far more than that because the bill was split between the 'adults' present (that's excluding the 18 year olds even though actually they're now adults too..) and leaving out the unaccompanied 18 year olds. Therefore OP paid for what a bunch of teenagers she doesn't know 'chose to order'.

I would to be honest expect to split a bill going to a party like this with people my own age but my parents generation (now 60's) would never dream of not paying if they organised/invited.

If I host a gathering, no matter the venue, I pay. Sticking the guests with an exorbitant tab -- the thought literally makes my toes curl with horror. People should host the parties they can afford even if it's cheese and bread for 10 instead of an inflated TGIF meal for x number. Ugh.