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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if you invite you pay

284 replies

laffymeal · 31/10/2015 21:26

Just back from friends ds's 18th birthday meal. Me, dh, dd and ds all invited to TGI Fridays along with about 20 others. Only had main course and drinks, dessert was birthday cake which dh drove the mum to Costco for, spent £50 on present, bill arrives and we're asked for £35 a head! Aibu to be fucking totally pissed off? Was happy to contribute towards drinks/tip but not whole fucking meal, which incidentally was quite shite and overpriced. Happy to be told I'm an entitled cunt btw, opinions please!

OP posts:
AwakeCantSleep · 31/10/2015 22:33

If the friendship is important to you, say nothing, write it off, but be sure to clarify ahead of any meals out who pays for what in the future.

I maintain they have been very rude. And YANBU.

Original poster
laffymeal · 31/10/2015 22:33

At home now drinking huge Old Fashioned, very happy and "over it", thanks for all your posts Grin

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2015 22:34

Etiquette amongst people I know is - a children's party at a restaurant, parent pays. Lots of grown ups out celebrating a birthday - each pay their own.

Original poster
laffymeal · 31/10/2015 22:34

...and never met any of the boys before.

OP posts:
minimalist000001 · 31/10/2015 22:36

Paying towards one birthday boy meal is fine, paying towards 6 birthday boys meals is inappropriate.

Greengardenpixie · 31/10/2015 22:38

If you are usually invited to someone else's birthday meal, usually you have to pay and split the cost of the birthday person's meal. It would be absolutely extortionate otherwise. Its always been the way. Its my birthday soon and we always go out for a meal in my family. Everyone usually covers my meal :)

Only1scoop · 31/10/2015 22:40

I agree with paying but surely not 35 quid per head if you and your family just had mains!!

minimalist000001 · 31/10/2015 22:40

Shocking!!

OP what did your family eat?

AwakeCantSleep · 31/10/2015 22:41

Green if that's what you do in your family, and everyone is aware of that beforehand, great, but how is it an invitation? You are not actually hosting anything. Other people are hosting you. Not what I would expect when I receive an invite?

minimalist000001 · 31/10/2015 22:41

Green garden - there were 6 birthday boys

knittingwithnettles · 31/10/2015 22:43

YANBU. I still remember how annoying it was being invited to an expensive restaurant for a fortieth, paying babysitter, paying present and then being asked to pay for myself AND a proportion of the host's meal without any warning. Everyone was quite hard up and had made a big effort to be there, and I think it should have been made clear what we in for...like we are thinking of celebrating by going to x restaurant would you like to come with us, rather than I invite you to a meal.

I'm with the poster who said, why would anyone make the effort to give a party in their house - no-one asks you to chip in a fiver even, possibly they might ask you to contribute a dish or a tub of humus and a bottle of wine but that's for two of you or a family of people.

Original poster
laffymeal · 31/10/2015 22:45

All our mains were roughly £12-13. DS had 2 cokes, DD had 2 Stella, me and dh had a bottle of merlot between us.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 31/10/2015 22:45

I would always expect to split the bill if invited to a restaurant for a celebration.

TheRattleBag · 31/10/2015 22:47

Talking of party/invitation etiquette, I know someone who held a birthday/retirement party in their own home, but had a paid-for bar, and all guests had to buy their own drinks all night. In the host's house!

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2015 22:50

£13 x 4 = £52, bottle of wine = £15 (ish), 2x Stella = £8, 2 x coke = £5. Total £90. And you paid £70 (I think).

So, if that's right, you didn't even cover your own family?

Only1scoop · 31/10/2015 22:51

I thought they paid 140?

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2015 22:51

Whoops . £80.

chillycurtains · 31/10/2015 22:52

Yep YABU. I have never been to a birthday meal where the meal has been on anyone else. We always just spilt the bill. If it was being paid for by someone else I would have expected them to have said so before hand.

Lweji · 31/10/2015 22:52

I assumed the OP paid for 4 (per head), so £140. Almost twice their consumption.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2015 22:52

Op? Did you pay £70 or £140 ?
#imoverinvested

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2015 22:53

I thought £70 cos I though op said none of the children were included in the split. I think.

Original poster
laffymeal · 31/10/2015 22:54

£140

OP posts:
Lweji · 31/10/2015 22:54

the other 6 boys didn't pay.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2015 22:56

Bloody hell. I retract. Outrageous.

laureywilliams · 31/10/2015 22:57

£140!!!!! Cheeky bastards. How did they ask for this money?