Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if you invite you pay

284 replies

laffymeal · 31/10/2015 21:26

Just back from friends ds's 18th birthday meal. Me, dh, dd and ds all invited to TGI Fridays along with about 20 others. Only had main course and drinks, dessert was birthday cake which dh drove the mum to Costco for, spent £50 on present, bill arrives and we're asked for £35 a head! Aibu to be fucking totally pissed off? Was happy to contribute towards drinks/tip but not whole fucking meal, which incidentally was quite shite and overpriced. Happy to be told I'm an entitled cunt btw, opinions please!

OP posts:
Original poster
laffymeal · 31/10/2015 22:58

Never said none of the children weren't included, don't know where you got that from.

OP posts:
Original poster
laffymeal · 31/10/2015 22:59

A straightforward £35 a head please Smile

OP posts:
CakeNinja · 31/10/2015 23:00

I would expect to pay, it's bloody TGI not the ritz! Even then, I'd expect to pay my own way!
In general, out to a restaurant, I'd think I was paying for myself, somewhere like a hall/house id consider it covered by the hosts.
This doesn't seem to me like 'hosting', more like 'come and celebrate with us.'

The paying for others who hadn't contributed was rude of whoever split the bill and asked for the money - the parents should imo have covered their costs.

And I don't think £50 for a friends dcs 18th birthday is in any way extravagant, nor actually relevant to the bill splitting!

BockCadger · 31/10/2015 23:00

I'm a tight arse. As PP have said, I'd have paid for what me and my family ate and drank + a tip and that would be that. Not subsiding the parents inviting half the boys friends Hmm so YABU for that Wink

I'd go with the expectation I'm paying. But only paying for what I actually had Halloween Angry

minimalist000001 · 31/10/2015 23:00

I really hope you just payed 70 OP. That would be fine. 140 would be daft

BockCadger · 31/10/2015 23:02

And if DS's Coke was in a glass, it's free refills so you'd only pay for the first one.

minimalist000001 · 31/10/2015 23:02

Cake. Read the thread

MillionToOneChances · 31/10/2015 23:02

Totally outrageous. If the birthday boy's parents had paid for his young friends and asked you to pay for yourself, that would have been fine as far as I'm concerned. I'd have expected some hint you were paying ahead of the event, though, and no/only token gifts.

And re the party etiquette imbalance, at our parties everyone brings a bottle (or two) at the very least and often some food. A friend brought an incredibly expensive fancy dish to a recent party and that was generally held to be unnecessary, though delicious.

Original poster
laffymeal · 31/10/2015 23:03

I was asked for £35 a head, there were 4 of us so that's what I paid.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 31/10/2015 23:04

Gosh.

Well, I think this just goes to show as always that when you invite people out for anything you need to be clear about how the bill will be paid, i.e. whether you're inviting people to have dinner with you at their own expense, or whether you're treating them, or whether in fact you're expecting them to stump up and pay for the other young adults at the party, which seems to be what happened here!! Shock

So - YWBa little U before, but now I see that you've paid towards the unaccompanied lads' meals as well, you absolutely aren't. How very fucking rude of the birthday boy's parents!

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2015 23:06

Wow. So you essentially paid an extra £60 to cover others they'd invited?!? I'm outraged on your behalf.
I'm hoping the parents will realise what happened, how unfair it was, and refund you? Maybe.

Original poster
laffymeal · 31/10/2015 23:06

Some people had pre dinner drinks and cocktails, ds said "the boys" had roughly 4 stellas each, think I've been stiffed Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
laffymeal · 31/10/2015 23:08

I'm past caring tbh, such is the power of bourbon Grin

OP posts:
Want2bSupermum · 31/10/2015 23:08

If it didn't say on the invite I would also assume the meal was paid for. I wouldn't necessarily expect drinks to be paid for, at least alcoholic ones.

For my 30th I did brunch as most of my friends had kids aged 3 and under. This way they didn't need a babysitter and we paid for everyone. It worked out to be about $450 including tip at a lovely restaurant on the waterfront overlooking Manhattan. Quite a few of us got rather drunk as the brunch special was unlimited mimosas or bloody Mary's!

minimalist000001 · 31/10/2015 23:09

But omg 140! So in effect your food cost 90 ish. They took an extra 50 from you towards the birthday meals. Then you paid 50 towards a gift.

Well that was a bloody expensive night!!

So will you say anything? Or suck it up?

Do you think your friends were just a bit last minute and thoughtless when it came to the bill? Or are they penny pinching?

Could your friends have afforded to foot the bill themselves? If the meal was your friends birthday gift to the boys, they should have paid. Failing that the boys should have paid for themselves.

laureywilliams · 31/10/2015 23:15

Here's to bourbon Wine

Original poster
laffymeal · 31/10/2015 23:16

She's been referencing it for months, no mention of contribution expected which led me to believe they were paying and yes they can afford it Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
laffymeal · 31/10/2015 23:17

....bourbon rules Wine

OP posts:
Original poster
laffymeal · 31/10/2015 23:18

I would never say anything, gonna suck it up.

OP posts:
RabbitSaysWoof · 31/10/2015 23:19

Thats a piss take. I hate equally split bills anyway because I'm always driving, but for you to treat other guests you don't know is terrible. I thought it was courtesy to ask if everyone was ok with an equal split.

Original poster
laffymeal · 31/10/2015 23:23

And I hosted my own birthday earlier this year at roughly £50 a head which they all attended but that's my choice.

OP posts:
serin · 31/10/2015 23:25

Blimey, How cheeky are they.

If we have a party, we pay. It's the same with everyone I know. I have never been to a party where I have been expected to contribute.

It's different if I meet up with girlfriends or other couples casually, then we do split the bill.

When he gets married they will probably pop a bill in with the invites!

DontStopBelievin · 31/10/2015 23:25

Did they not specify before you headed there whether you were expected to pay or not?
If you're invited out to a birthday meal it needs to be clarified first. Springing on you 35 pounds PER HEAD after the meal has been consumed is crackers.
Sounds like a lack of communication on both parts.
What were you eating/drinking when you only had main course and drinks? Either gold plated food or alcohol laden rather than food for it to be £35 per person.

Original poster
laffymeal · 31/10/2015 23:29

Because they'd been at mine and DD special birthdays this year and paid nothing I expected a reciprocal arrangement but clearly not.

OP posts:
minimalist000001 · 31/10/2015 23:32

Yes it's really inappropriate for you to treat guests you don't know

Swipe left for the next trending thread