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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

14 year old left alone in the dark

182 replies

peppercorns3 · 29/10/2015 14:49

So my 14 year old daughter asked if she could go in to town with some friends yesterday, one of whom I assume is her new ' boyfriend' although she would never tell me!
I told her she needed to be back at 6pm at the latest and reminded her that she never stays out alone.
At about 6.01 I got a message saying she was just waiting with 'said boy' until he was picked up and then would come straight home. I tried to call her a number of times to tell her to bring him back here rather than wait outside ( they were a 5 min walk away), but she didn't pick up her phone.
About 20 mins later she walked through the door after walking home alone.
AIBU to be cross 1: with her for allowing herself to be put in the position of being alone in the dark; 2: with the boy for leaving her to walk home alone in the dark and 3: with his parent for picking their child up and leaving mine alone in the dark??!
I know it was only a short walk, but still- things can happen even close to home!
I now feel worried because she is obviously not as sensible as I thought and I also feel bad because I am annoyed with this boy- who u haven't even met yet for not taking better care of my daughter!
Unreasonable?? X

OP posts:
PassiveAgressiveQueen · 29/10/2015 15:24

I think it is funny she is allowed a boyfriend, but not to be out in the dark.

PatriciaHolm · 29/10/2015 15:25

Back at 6pm? Never out alone?

Is there any specific reason you are so over protective? Because those stipulations, for a 14 year old, are very harsh and restrictive. It might have been nice of the boys parents to offer, but tbh she probably said no don't bother I'm only 5 minutes away. Does she seriously never go to the movies with friends in the afternoon/evening, out to dinner with them, round friends for the day and back late? You know that's what most teenagers do, right?

Gileswithachainsaw · 29/10/2015 15:26

Don't people on MN usually tell eachother to "chuck out" or "send home" all the kids who turn up?

so it's ok to make kids walk home while you eat dinner or when they have out stayed their welcome but parents have to drive home your child Confused

Biscuitsneeded · 29/10/2015 15:27

My 10 year old comes home in the dark on his own. He walks, or puts his bike lights on, and he's just fine. Possibly the 'boyfriend' didn't see an issue with a 14 year old walking 5 minutes on her own at 6pm!! I think you are being very over-protective, and if you're not careful you will make your child unnecessarily afraid of the world.

Chattymummyhere · 29/10/2015 15:28

Way too over protective. At 14years old my parents where lucky to even know which area I was out in let alone if I was alone. Most times I wouldn't be back till 9/10pm from the complete other side of town. 6pm and never alone for a 14year old is ridiculous no wonder she won't tell you things.

TiredButFineODFOJ · 29/10/2015 15:31

I don't think they were waiting for his parents. I think she just wanted to stay a bit longer with him on their own, which is exactly why she didn't answer the phone!

Chattymummyhere · 29/10/2015 15:32

That sounds right tired.

I used to take the battery out my phone if my mum or dad kept ringing me and when I got home pretend it had died so not my fault they had brought me a "crappy" phone Blush

LisbethSalandersLaptop · 29/10/2015 15:32

thinking about it you are not doing her any favours by treating her as a 'special snowflake' (sorry new expression ) - how will she grow up to be a resilient tough woman if you raise her to think she has to be escorted everywhere and cannot go out in the dark?

MrsJayy · 29/10/2015 15:33

She was probably snogging her new boyfriend thats why she didnt answer her phone

DraculasDixieNormas · 29/10/2015 15:33

yabu

ragged · 29/10/2015 15:34

That's not so bizarre... I was reading another website thread today where people were saying that it would be okay for a 10yr old to have own gun (real gun, USA) but maybe not ok to let a 10yo go to cinema on their own. Confused

This reminds me a question I've been meaning to ask: Should I let (feisty fierce pint-sized) 14yo DD come home at 9:30pm alone from Guides? No other parents locally would let their DDs do this. But It seems daft we only escort her because it's dark outside. Distance = about 12 minute walk. Why am I so nervous just because it's "dark" ??

We live in a sleepy corner of a sleepy market town, in the lowest crime-rate county in England.

Chattymummyhere · 29/10/2015 15:36

Ask you DD ragged if she wants to walk home let her, if not keep collecting her

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 29/10/2015 15:36

I'm with tigger, you desperately need to get a grip! Biscuit

Badbadtromance · 29/10/2015 15:38

Gosh I must be a real slummy mummy. I let my year 8 come home down a dark country lane most nights at around 6pm..

sugar21 · 29/10/2015 15:38

All this reminds me of being shunted off to boarding school wheñ I was 11. Having been there for a few months I soon found ways of sneaking out from that hellhole, after dark

MrsJayy · 29/10/2015 15:38

I had to sign a consent form for dd to walk home at 9 pm from guides it is literally over a main road 8 minutes (we timed it) to get home she was 13/14.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 29/10/2015 15:39

ragged If you have a car, I would pick her up. Why wouldn't you? Makes no difference about the area being a sleepy market town. My last house was in a "posh" part of town, but on 2 separate occasions teenage girls were sexually assaulted whilst walking home in the dark. And it wasn't late - maybe 6pm in winter. Not worth the risk.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/10/2015 15:40

Unless you live in a seriously 'bad' neighbourhood, I think YABU. A 5 minute walk for a 14 year old in the dark is really no big deal.

KatharinaRosalie · 29/10/2015 15:40

so you never let her outside after dark? at 14?
She might want to move out in just a few years, that will make her life very complicated, especially in winter time.

ragged · 29/10/2015 15:40

Few months ago DD took herself to Guides & back, we completely forgot. Blush.
I suppose I enjoy the chat en route if we're lucky.
Maybe we should play it by ear, won't fetch her when it's awkward.

MrsJayy · 29/10/2015 15:44

Dd used to walk home with a girl who lived near by.

Wildernessrock · 29/10/2015 15:44

This can't be a real post! Reverse?

runlulurun · 29/10/2015 15:46

I thought what tired said. That sounds like the kind of excuse that kids make because they want to stay out a bit longer so she wasn't going to answer her phone.

The not answering her phone is more of an issuing than the walking in the dark.

If I was you, I would think about relaxing some element a little (curfew) in exchange for enforcing others (must answer phone)

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 29/10/2015 15:46

What the hell? At 14 i'd be gallivating all over the place until at least 11pm (on weekends) and managed to avoid danger as tbh- there really isn't any more than in the day. You sound ridiculously uptight.

Micah · 29/10/2015 15:49

Did the boy's parents offer a lift and she turned it down?

I would far rather a 10 min walk on my own than get in a car with people I barely know. When I used to babysit as a teenager the dad would walk me across the road to see me home. Lovely of him, but actually made me uncomfortable (nothing to do with him, but me being an introvert who just likes to go home rather than have to make small talk and do all the thank you lark).

Just my own comfort level.

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