14 year old left alone in the dark

[peppercorns3]

So my 14 year old daughter asked if she could go in to town with some friends yesterday, one of whom I assume is her new ' boyfriend' although she would never tell me!
I told her she needed to be back at 6pm at the latest and reminded her that she never stays out alone.
At about 6.01 I got a message saying she was just waiting with 'said boy' until he was picked up and then would come straight home. I tried to call her a number of times to tell her to bring him back here rather than wait outside ( they were a 5 min walk away), but she didn't pick up her phone.
About 20 mins later she walked through the door after walking home alone.
AIBU to be cross 1: with her for allowing herself to be put in the position of being alone in the dark; 2: with the boy for leaving her to walk home alone in the dark and 3: with his parent for picking their child up and leaving mine alone in the dark??!
I know it was only a short walk, but still- things can happen even close to home!
I now feel worried because she is obviously not as sensible as I thought and I also feel bad because I am annoyed with this boy- who u haven't even met yet for not taking better care of my daughter!
Unreasonable?? X

You're overreacting.

She got home and all was well.

You do need to relax and not get so agitated, pick your battles and all that.

It's going to be dark walking home from school soon. what then?

major overreaction

Are you always so anxious and overprotective?

I am the most over protective mum in the world but I would feel the same as you. I'd expect the boy's parents to have given her a lift back. It's the polite thing to do. But I can imagine as teens they were probably embarrassed about the idea of meeting each other's parents !

Not at all overreacting. But not what everyone else is going on about though

It's the not picking up the phone that's the problem to me. The 'I'm going to be late' message needs to be discussed. We don't let our teens go out without a return time and without being available to answer the phone after being late.

These are literally our only rules though. They agree when they're to come back when they go out.

At 14? Yabu.

I don't think you are being unreasonable op. I am far from an overprotective parent but I would not be happy with my dd (nearly 14) walking round in the darken her own. 6pm or 10pm makes no difference, dark is dark.

So how do you suppose children get home from school or after school clubs, in the dark which it is about 4pm in the winter if you think 'dark is dark'

Oh, and you're also VVVVVVVVU for starting your OP with "So".

That makes me very angry and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry or at any other time

SO there.

If it's too dangerous for her to walk 5mins at 6pm, then it's an area where she should not be at all.

YABU
Your dd sounds like she is handling the boy thing wrong though if she is waiting around for him to be picked up.

My twelve year old is out until about 9pm a minimum of three times a week during term time, regardless of weather or daylight saving time. You're being a bit precious.

You wanted your child to get in a car with a stranger rather than walk home alone?

If you are going to be ridiculous risk averse then at least be consistant.

"Your dd sounds like she is handling the boy thing wrong though if she is waiting around for him to be picked up."

Eh?

"handling the boy thing"? Oh, I say!, howabout, you could have phrased that better.

What do you mean she's not sensible, She came home didn't she?

Jeez, what is it that suddenly happens in the dark at 6pm, that wouldn't happen in the light at 5pm?

And why is this boy supposed to 'take care' of your daughter?

It was 6pm - unless you live in the middle of nowhere, a very busy time with people travelling back from work. It was hardly the middle of the night.

Ok, maybe I am looking at it from a different perspective but I live in Lincolnshire and it is quite rural with not the best street lighting about. I am not over protective at all.

I don't really understand how getting a lift from strangers would have been better than walking home herself?

Also, you reminded her she never stays out alone - really, never? She never goes to the shops or library alone?

I'd be annoyed at her not picking up the phone. Mine (15 + 2 x 13yo) know if I call they've to answer, but I think it's probaby obvious why she didn't answer and you should be addressing that. 6pm is an incredibly early curfew for a 14 yo imo - I wouldn't be surprised if the boy thought she had somewhere to go or someone to meet. I used to hide my curfew from my mates when I was younger as it was earlier than theirs (though not 6pm early).

But if she doesn't know his parents thn she would be getting in a car with a stranger which presumably you've told her before not to do.
I'd put bets on them having offered and her said you would not let her.

At the height of winter it can be dark at 4/4.30pm. I assume DD is banned from all after school clubs until the clocks go forward again?

Honestly OP I think you are being way ott.

My DS is almost 19. He has ALWAYS walked girls home after a date, if it's dark. Even if it is as early as 6pm, after say a shopping trip/cinema. That's the right thing to do unless you're a tosser

how does she get home from school in the winter? Do you wait in the playground for her?

Oops Grunt
Just have a problem with girls these days acting so needy and solicitous around boys. In my day if they were interested it was them that had to make the effort and going by the boys at my dds' school they are generally best given a wide berth altogether at that age anyway.