DH annoyed that we're not sleeping in the same bedroom

[Monkeyrules]

My DH has restless feet at night which wakes me up. My job is really stressful and I can't cope with being tired. We have moved to sleeping in separate bedrooms. I love my DH very much and we get on so well but he is getting frustrated at us being apart. We did try twin beds in the same room but I am a light sleeper (he always has to get up in the middle of the night for a toilet stop etc.) DH is saying I need to go to the doctors to get this resolved. TBH I like being in a room on my own just to relax and have some quiet in the evenings.

How actually hard is it to go to GP and say I have restless legs and it affects mine/my partner's sleep how can this be resolved?

Not hard at all but if people don't want to do something then they won't. Its rather unkind to refuse to at least aim to address a health issue that affects and upsets your partner

It's not hard to go to the GP if he has restless legs but if I doesn't agree that he has it, he very probably doesn't. Also the GP will be able to do sod all about it unless he prescribes drug which could potentially have quite serious side effects (e.g. drugs used for Parkinson's disease). I can't imagine a GP would do that if someone who isn't even experiencing symptoms.

It does get on my nerves when clueless people suggest that those with chronic health issues just aren't trying hard enough to resolve it (i.e. that it is the sufferers fault) even though they don't know anything about the condition apart from crap they have read via a search on google.

Nobody has said that at all.

What people have said is that he hadn't done anything at all to resolve whatever issue there is. Yet he expects his oh to merrily trot to the doctors to get medication which could also have serious long term effects.

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My dh has had restless legs for years though Marynary so I am speaking from a position of considerable experience. It's pretty bloody miserable trying to sleep next to, so the OP has my full sympathy.

Nobody has said what you suggested.

I'm not sure how you have diagnosed over the internet that OP's dh doesn't have restless legs?

Nobody has said that at all.

They haven't said it but it is the implication and it is something those of us with chronic health conditions have to put up with all the time.

What people have said is that he hadn't done anything at all to resolve whatever issue there is. Yet he expects his oh to merrily trot to the doctors to get medication which could also have serious long term effects.

Firstly, you don't know that he hasn't done anything at all. You only know that he hasn't been to a doctor. Why should he visit the doctor about a condition that he doesn't think he has? Perhaps he is right and OP is the one with a sleep issue. It is ironic that you think it outrageous that he has suggested OP goes to the doctors for medication but at the same time you are suggesting he goes to the doctors for medication for a condition that he doesn't have.

But the OP doesn't consider she has a health issue though does she? So that's a rather circular argument.

And she HAS done something to combat her problem - ie move to a different room

My dh has had restless legs for years though Marynary so I am speaking from a position of considerable experience. It's pretty bloody miserable trying to sleep next to, so the OP has my full sympathy.

Sleeping next to someone with RLS gives you absolutely no insight into what it feels like to have RLS. It may be miserable to sleep next to someone with it but at least you can escape, unlike your DH who is trapped with it.

I'm not sure how you have diagnosed over the internet that OP's dh doesn't have restless legs?

I haven't diagnosed anything over the internet. You and other posters are the ones doing that! All I have said is that if he doesn't have symptoms of RLS (e.g. overwhelming irresistable urge to move his legs, an unpleasant crawling or creeping sensation in the legs) he very probably doesn't have it!

But the OP doesn't consider she has a health issue though does she? So that's a rather circular argument.

I haven't suggested that OP should go to the doctor. I just think it is ironic that you and other posters are outraged that the DH thinks OP should go even though she doesn't think she has a health issue when you are doing the same thing.

I wonder what happened to Solidgoldbrass to make her so bitter and twisted. My guess is that she's not in a happy long term relationship right now though ;)

K1mberly Sleeping in the same bed is not only about sex. It's about comfort, closeness and intimacy. Whatever's happened during the day and whether or not I've even seen my husband I know every night we'll be close and that helps to keep our bond strong. I sleep much better with him next to me and if we ever do spend a night apart we miss each other terribly.

Now just because that's the way I feel doesn't mean it's the way the OP should feel, but it COULD be the way her DP feels and therefore I can imagine how devastated I'd feel if my DH said he no longer wanted to sleep with me.

OP why can't you find a solution based on compromise that addresses BOTH your needs? Definitely he should see a GP to see if the RLS can be addressed, but also as others have suggested why can't you share a bed at weekends when you don't have to go to work and can sleep as long as you want in the morning? Speak to him about the early morning chatter too, but I think it's sad that someone else said 'What's wrong with him? Why is he not glued to a screen like everyone else?' . . .I think it's nice that he'd rather talk to his partner than stare at a screen!

That's rather aggressive Notime what happened to you to make you so dependent on having another adult in the bed? I find it slightly hard to get to sleep if my husband isn't there but just because I'm used to him being there. I also frequently find it hard to get to sleep if he is snoring. I don't find it helps our bond if he's kept me awake. In fact I once did incredibly badly in an interview because he had been snoring really badly (couldn't help it, he had a cold) the night before.

And some people may find it nice that people talk to them at 6 in the morning, but a lot of people wouldn't.

This thread is making me yearn for my own room. Doubtless I am twisted and have problems.

It's still going on Christ

Actually it's not as normal as some people think, I know more couples who have seperate bedrooms than those that do and the those that do do so because of there being no spare room.

Or maybe I don't know many needy people

It doesn't affect your relationship, bonding or sex and asking someone to force themselves to share a bed with their needy partner at the detriment of their own health and need for sleep is unreasonable.

How anyone can sleep knowing their partner is lying there feeling angry and resentful and perhaps floating pillows over their heads is beyond me

I haven't expressed outrage Mary about anything on this thread apart from the infernal chatting which is very much preventable

And why are you saying on one post that the OP's DH doesn't even think he has RLS because he doesn't see any symptoms. Then in the nextpost describing how utterly miserable he must be living with RLS?

I'm sorry you feel that sometimes people don't take your condition seriously (and that is meant genuinely even though it probably sounds glib) but I think you are rather projecting that onto posters here who have pointed out that the OP's DH needs to do something positive and proactive himself rather than get the hump and send his wife off for sleeping tablets

Mad as a box of frogs the lot of ya ;)

Probably due to sleep deprivation Notime

And why are you saying on one post that the OP's DH doesn't even think he has RLS because he doesn't see any symptoms. Then in the nextpost describing how utterly miserable he must be living with RLS?

Er.. where did I say the OP's DH must be utterly miserable? I was talking about you when I said "It may be miserable to sleep next to someone with it but at least you can escape, unlike your DH who is trapped with it.

I'm sorry you feel that sometimes people don't take your condition seriously (and that is meant genuinely even though it probably sounds glib) but I think you are rather projecting that onto posters here who have pointed out that the OP's DH needs to do something positive and proactive himself rather than get the hump and send his wife off for sleeping tablets

Where did I say that other people don't take my health condition seriously? I am not projecting onto other posters at all when I say that those of us with chronic health conditions get annoyed with people who haven't a clue giving advice on what they think we should be doing to solve our problem (usually after a search on google) and deciding that we are at fault for not following their misguided advice. That is exactly what some people have done on here and many do in real life.

Mary "Where did I say that other people don't take my health condition seriously?"

Erm...here?

"It does get on my nerves when clueless people suggest that those with chronic health issues just aren't trying hard enough to resolve it (i.e. that it is the sufferers fault) even though they don't know anything about the condition apart from crap they have read via a search on google."

BitOutOfPractice That doesn't mean I don't think they take it seriously. People certainly take my health condition very seriously but that doesn't prevent them making stupid suggestions after random searches on the internet (as some people are doing here regarding RLS).

Marynary I sincerely hope that 'stupid searches' comment was not aimed at me!

suggestions sorry.

Ilovetorrentialrain My comment wasn't aimed at a specific person.

I haven't done any random google searches either - all my contributions have been based on advice given to dh by health professionals including a leading Harley Street sleep specialist.

Interestingly, dh's restless legs don't actually disturb him all that much, except very occasionally - definitely not as much as they disturb me. His main motivation for resolving it is so we can share a bed.

I haven't done any random google searches either - all my contributions have been based on advice given to dh by health professionals including a leading Harley Street sleep specialist.

Are you serious? You actually paid for the advice on quinine? I really hope that isn't true.
Firstly, as I said, there is hardly any quinine in tonic water nowadays and you would have to drink litres for there to be therapeutic concentrations. If there was enough your DH would potentially experience serious side effects. Secondly, as I keep stating quinine is for leg cramps not RLS.
Perhaps this link will explain www.consumerreports.org/cro/2012/04/quinine-for-night-time-leg-cramps-no-longer-recommended/index.htm

Oh sorry, the quinine suggestions were from Ilovetorrentialrain not LikeASoulWithoutAMind

I take that back -both of you have made quinine suggestion.

I am worn out with all the C&Ping now Shall we just have a cup of tea and a kitkat together and remember this isn't our lives?