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AIBU?

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Original poster

to expect a text after we slept together?

606 replies

BigOCupOfTea · 25/10/2015 13:43

So I've been seeing a guy for around a month and we had our fifth date and I stayed at his and we slept together.

We both left early as he had work.

He would have finished work by now and I've heard nothing from him.

Am I expecting too much?

OP posts:
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Original poster
BigOCupOfTea · 25/10/2015 16:38

Of course I acknowledge people have different views but you asked if you were BU. I think you are and some agree. Some think you aren't

Yes but you're like a dog with a bone and just keep saying the same point over and over.

It just seems so passive aggressive and unnecessary.

OP posts:
WordsAreWind · 25/10/2015 16:39

OP, Could you believe that he may be doing the same thing as you and wondering why you haven't text him yet?

Unreasonablebetty · 25/10/2015 16:39

Op, I was with you until the last message!!

Right, so you go on dates and go halves,

You take it in turns sometimes to call each other, and text.

You have a very much half and half thing going with him it seems, you can't expect all tables to turn now you've slept with him. It seems like you are expecting him to woo you now to an extent.
That doesn't seem like the dynamic you currently have.
It's possible you are both sat thinking wtf right now?

Original poster
BigOCupOfTea · 25/10/2015 16:40

It seems like you are expecting him to woo you now to an extent.

Woo me? By sending me a text?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 25/10/2015 16:41

I've said exactly what I think and if you don't like it fair enough but I fail to see what's passive aggressive about it.

And you might note that I wasn't one of the posters who called you needy so you might consider responding to them.

BitchPeas · 25/10/2015 16:41

I wouldn't text either. If I hadn't received a text by about 11pm id write him off, as to me, the writing would be on the wall.

niceupthedance · 25/10/2015 16:42

Sooty I think you'll find that the vast majority of men who do online dating ~these days~ take a traditional role. Maybe do a straw poll of women who sent the first message and got a date from it? Numbers would be very low I suspect.

(I'm talking about in the last three years here, since the advent of the likes of tinder).

Likewise men know that if they don't text after sex women are supposed to take the hint that they are not interested. Your experience may differ of course. Mine and everyone else I know who online dates, doesn't.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 25/10/2015 16:42

Well, OP, you say you aren't needy and you aren't sitting around wringing your hands. However...you have posted on an Internet forum to angst about him not texting. That is, IMO, the modern way of wringing your hands.

CheersMedea · 25/10/2015 16:43

Can someone please explain why in 2025 it's ip to the man to make contact?

It's not but desperately wanting contact within 12 hours of when you last saw someone and after you've had sex for the first time is really needy and insecure behaviour.

Making contact for the sake of getting that reassurance is needy and insecure - whoever is making that contact.

What should happen is this:

Couple wake up together. All is good. Both agree great night and go their separate ways.

Both go off to their normal busy lives and get on with their work and social life. Occasionally during the day, their thoughts may drift back to the great night but they don't have time to obsess and dwell because they are LIVING THEIR LIVES.

If it was a good experience and they want to meet up to see each other again, within a few days (3 or 4) one or other of them will contact the other and suggest a date.

That's it.

A confident secure person (whether that's a man or a woman) isn't going to be angsting about no text contact within 12 hours. You have to face facts thought that any text in that time frame is going to be very obviously seeking reassurance and demonstrating insecurity - whoever sends it - a man or a woman. And that is very unsexy at the start of a relationship.

Original poster
BigOCupOfTea · 25/10/2015 16:44

And you might note that I wasn't one of the posters who called you needy so you might consider responding to them.

I already addressed one needy comment. I don't think I need to keep repeating myself.

OP posts:
BrendaandEddie · 25/10/2015 16:44

i wouldnt text, I ALWAYS TEXTED thinking it was all emancipated, which it might be , but now I look back and think I threw myself at them

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 25/10/2015 16:44

He's prob sat there thinking the exact same thing with lots of 'what did I say/do wrong? Was I really that bad? Why does this always happen'

Text him you silly billy.

If he doesn't text back you've still given him the goods and been ditched all the same.

reman · 25/10/2015 16:44

I remember this and hated it too. It is worse when you are not working as it is harder to distract yourself. Make yourself busy and I am sure a text will come along later today!

alicemalice · 25/10/2015 16:44

I'm with you OP. I'd expect a text by now.

ilovesooty · 25/10/2015 16:45

So no explanation of what you consider passive aggressive?

ScarletRuby2 · 25/10/2015 16:46

Let me get this straight, you're prepared to let go of a promising relationship because you won't send him a text? You're either an idiot or just not that in to him.

Helmetbymidnight · 25/10/2015 16:47

Sorry you're getting a tough time op.

He calls you all the time when he's coming home from work yet after the first time you have sex he doesn't.
Poor men must be so tough for them these days?!

MoriartyIsMyAngel · 25/10/2015 16:47

Well, he won't need to text you good morning today because he's seen you this morning. If he doesn't text you tomorrow morning, then maybe there's an issue.

PontyGirl · 25/10/2015 16:48

OP I understand, given your history, why you may be feeling wary, I would be the same. But at this point, I would just txt him to say "thanks for last night, I had a great time"

WordsAreWind · 25/10/2015 16:48

OP has stated sometimes he calls, sometimes she calls in a later post.

GreenRug · 25/10/2015 16:49

Yep I'd expect a text now too. And i wouldn't text him.

sarahsarah34 · 25/10/2015 16:49

How old are you op?
I am amazed with the minefield that is dating. I hate dating and am perplexed by it all. If you like someone and they like you the games are just so boring Grin
That's not me digging you I've just found my dating year bloody hard work. I have had 2 men actively pursue me I wasn't initially keen but got to know them, as soon as I started to like them they went cold.

sarahsarah34 · 25/10/2015 16:50

But I'd text him, he might be feeling same way!

ArmchairTraveller · 25/10/2015 16:51

Why not text him? Confused

WordsAreWind · 25/10/2015 16:51

With that in mind, he could be waiting for her to contact him. But for some strange reason OP doesn't want to address that possibility.

R