to expect a text after we slept together?

[BigOCupOfTea]

So I've been seeing a guy for around a month and we had our fifth date and I stayed at his and we slept together.

We both left early as he had work.

He would have finished work by now and I've heard nothing from him.

Am I expecting too much?

Exactly Derek

Yep what derek said.

You are wondering what's going on. Just text him.

When did this waiting malarkey become a 'thing' that you should do.

You want reassurance that he isn't going to ditch you, like happened before.

He probably won't have even thought that might be a worry for you.

Just text him.

Because presumably they spoke this morning and it's only a few hours later!!!!

Jesus......

Yes, if he doesn't cobtact before OP goes to bed tonight that would be slightly wierd. But I can just imagine the text conversation if he phones/texts at 10pm:

BF: hi, how are you?
OP: I'm ok thanks. How was work?
BF: was fine. Much more enjoyable than usual after our night together last night.
OP: oh, I wasn't sure if you enjoyed it.
BF: why ever not?
OP: because I expected a text or phone call sooner than now.
BF: errrr.....I went for an impromptu drink with some mates after work. Then had to do a favour for DB.
OP: oh, right. So you haven't gone off me then?
BF: of course not!

Conversation carries on and BF comes off phone thinking OP is going to be a bit needy. Now, where there wasn't a problem, there is one in his head - why is my GF asking me why I didn't text Her a few hours ago when I only saw her this morning?

When it comes to having sex with a guy you haven't known very long, or with one you've been dating for ages, it's not possible to know if you're "repeating the same mistake" until you've done the deed.

Given the last guy you slept with turned out to be a callous tosser it's understandable that you're fearful this one will too, but as he's finished work at lunchtime he could have gone off with a couple of colleagues to have a sunday roast at a pub or, as was said upthread, gone home and crashed out and, although he usually calls you on his way home, he may have thought you'd be otherwise engaged on a Sunday afternoon and decided to wait.

I wouldn't text but if you feel you must, send one sometime this evening to the effect that you hope he didn't fall asleep on the job after staying awake on it last night.

Why wouldn't you text the guy you had sex with the night before, goddess?

Did you text him yet??

I agree. Text him if you want contact. That's not needy. Unless it's to ask why HE hasn't texted! But don't be reading into anything when he doesn't contact YOU first. It means nowt. There must have been some conversation last night as well as sex eg discussion about wanting to see a certain film or something . If you are so desperate for cobtact, text him suggestif a day to watch the film.

I just don't understand why some women seem to think the man is under some kind of obligation to text first.

Exactly Sooty

I do think it's a self-esteem thing. If you're certain that the sex was great and everything is going well between you emotionally too, why the angst? When DH and I first got together we left it a few weeks till we had sex. We both left each other on a high. There was no possible reason why he wouldn't have contacted me after that. I knew he would be back! But it was late the next night when he did. And no hand-wringing in between.

I'm so glad I no longer date.

I'm still intrigued as to how things were left this morning. When I was first seeing DP (and having sex) we'd always make vague plans about the next contact ie "speak later" / "see you tomorrow".

I asked earlier how things were left with him today.

And no hand-wringing in between.

Theres no hand-wringing, its just a thought of should I expect him to text me or not.

I'm not sat here in tears ripping up our future wedding plans

I just got badly burnt last time so thats why I'm potentially more cautious because I don't want to get treated like I'm worthless again.

Oh I missed the bit where op said she was going to have an accusatory conversation with him.

If you haven't heard from him just text him along these lines "Hi (his name). Hope you had a good day at work. Thinking of you and last night '. Send it and now the ball's in his court.

As far as what happened to you last time, all you can do is try to remember to protect your heart as much as you can until you feel he has proven himself to you. It's hard, but it can be done.

Xpost with you OP. You may not be wringing your hands, but you are, for lack of a better word, fretting over whether or not he should be doing something. Take control of the situation, text him. You'll have your answer one way or another.

Yanbu.

I'd expect a text from him in all honesty.
Just something like 'hi ( your name ) just a quick text to say I'm missing you & can't wait to see you again. xx

I'm a bit old fashioned though & think the man should text first, especially as it was the 'first time' last night.
Once you've been together a while then it doesn't really matter who texts first, but I'm with the op on this one - he should be a gentleman here & text first.

Text him OP. Keep it light - hi, how are you. Easy!

I would wait for his text.

Why on earth should the man be expected to text first?

The thing is he could also be fretting because he was treated like poop by a previous woman or he perceives he didn't "perform" well enough and is worrying over nothing. We're all human, we all suffer similar types of insecurities.

Text him OP.

Yeah he might be fretting because the last woman he shagged dumped him for being crap at it.

Text. Don't text. You're an adult. It's not a big deal.

am I the only person who would just text:

"ooh. RAH"

well, if it was good

Was last night's experience a fulfilling one OP? How was he with you this morning? Was there any awkwardness?

He's been at work today and could have gone somewhere else. The OP has been free all day. Why shouldn't she text?