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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a text after we slept together?

606 replies

BigOCupOfTea · 25/10/2015 13:43

So I've been seeing a guy for around a month and we had our fifth date and I stayed at his and we slept together.

We both left early as he had work.

He would have finished work by now and I've heard nothing from him.

Am I expecting too much?

OP posts:
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5
JCLNE · 25/10/2015 15:31

I just got badly burnt last time so thats why I'm potentially more cautious because I don't want to get treated like I'm worthless again.

Unfortunately there is no guarantee that it won't happen again. That's a risk everyone takes at the beginning of every new relationship. Only time will tell how this bloke is going to treat you.

If you want to see how much he'd "pursue" you, wait it out. If you want to know where you stand right now, text him now and ask. There is nothing wrong with either approach.

Personally I couldn't do the "keep it light" type thing (unless it's genuine, which it obviously isn't in your case), but I've never been much for games and bullshit.

It is possible though that you need to relax a little bit. You seem anxious to see some kind of tangible commitment from a bloke you've only spent one night with. Why? You can't possibly know him well enough yet to know that he's worth it...sit back a bit now and let the events unfold.

Spotifymuse · 25/10/2015 15:31

Just text him!

Spotifymuse · 25/10/2015 15:32

And not to ask him 'where you stand' Wink

Axekick · 25/10/2015 15:32

Can someone please explain why in 2025 it's ip to the man to make contact?

Axekick · 25/10/2015 15:36

2015 obviously. I am not mning from the future! Grin

JCLNE · 25/10/2015 15:37

It's not up to the man but some people prefer it that way. Horses for courses etc.

Personally if I was worried that someone might not be as much into me as I was into them, I'd wait and see, too. Regardless of their gender. Wink

00100001 · 25/10/2015 15:38

Text him!!!

WordsAreWind · 25/10/2015 15:41

Plot twist: Axekick IS mnimg from the future!

Do you know how it all woks out? Grin

SurferJet · 25/10/2015 15:41

Axekick - there are no set in stone rules about texting, but I'd much prefer the man to text me. I guess I just want to know he cares & is thinking of me.

( & I'm a very disappointed you're not posting from the future )

Blodss · 25/10/2015 15:42

I would think that if he was into you he will phone you at some point today so stop stressing and see what unfolds. He might have had to do overtime or go to see someone.

Axekick · 25/10/2015 15:44

Shit...have been discovered!!

I am indeed mning from the future! It's the Dogs Bollocks! Wink

What about the woman showing the man she is thinking of him? Why does it have to be the man that shows he is thinking of the woman?

ilovesooty · 25/10/2015 15:44

Surfer why shouldn't the man be possibly hoping the same thing? I still don't see that it matters who texts first.

WordsAreWind · 25/10/2015 15:46

SurferJet I'm sure men like to know their potential blossoming romance cares and is thinking about them too.

Axekick · 25/10/2015 15:47

It's not up to the man but some people prefer it that way. Horses for courses etc.

But how does the OP know this suits the man in this situation?

It's ok saying the OP feels the man should text first, but he may feel she should.

WordsAreWind · 25/10/2015 15:49

They could be both sitting there staring at their phones thinking the exact same thing.

SurferJet · 25/10/2015 15:49

ilovesooty - it's all personal isn't it, & I'm sure plenty of women would text first, but I like old fashioned romance & feel the man should do the running - especially in this situation.

regenerationfez · 25/10/2015 15:50

I think I would like the man to text me, but for expediency and to get him out of my headspace if necessary, Idvtext him just to say 'hi, fancy meeting up again?' or whatever and if no answer, move on quickly. The ball is then firmly in his court. And don't make excuses as to why he hasn't texted back. Assume he's a dick and move on.

c4kedout · 25/10/2015 15:51

if you cannot just text him then this is rather weird and not worth the bother Hmm

niceupthedance · 25/10/2015 15:54

YANBU

I would want a text within 24 hours to indicate his ongoing interest. It's the way online dating works.

Axekick · 25/10/2015 15:55

but I like old fashioned romance & feel the man should do the running - especially in this situation

But then you would have slept with him after 5 dates of you want to be old fashioned?

Or is old fashioned only a preference for certain things?

ilovesooty · 25/10/2015 15:56

Yes I suppose it's personal preference but I can't be arsed with this old fashioned romance stuff. Too much like game playing. The only time I held off texting someone was when they walked out on me in a pub when we had a disagreement. He texted me two weeks later to apologise. He knew hell would have frozen over before I contacted him in those circumstances.

Italiangreyhound · 25/10/2015 15:56

You are neither being unreasonable nor needy.

ilovesooty · 25/10/2015 15:57

nice who says that's how online dating works?

WorraLiberty · 25/10/2015 16:01

I would want a text within 24 hours to indicate his ongoing interest.

Blimey, that sounds more like buying real estate than being in a romantic relationship Grin

ilovesooty · 25/10/2015 16:03

It hasn't even been 24 hours yet anyway.

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