To call my grandchild the name he has just been given.

[timetobackout]

My daughter has just had her first child, our first grandchild, mother and baby
doing fine,very exciting time for all of us.However she has given the little boy
two perfectly nice ordinary names, say David Charles, but the plan is
obviously to call him by his initials,so a conversation could go
'Hi Mum Deecee has put on another 2ozs'
'Lovely darling, glad David is feeding well , Aunt Matilda has rang to ask if
you could put some pictures of David in the post'
'Yes, I've got some lovely pictures of Deecee on the computer' etc etc
So far by calling him the baby a lot tensions have been avoided, but this is obviously a short term solution, but I just refuse to call him Deecee for the
next twenty years

The secondary school will not deviate from her given name much to her disgust

A letter to the Governors would sort that out, if the parents were that bothered.

You have the right to register your dc at a school under your name of choosing. The school can't refuse to use it. They sound like a shit school tbh.

Two of our children have first names with common abbreviations. Every class teachers asks , without fail , " Does he like to be called Charles or Charlie ? ". If we replied " Actually it's CJ", I'm sure they would use that .

Most forms for things like sports clubs or activists have a " known as " box, as a PP mentioned .

Thankfully , most schools have moved on now from the nineteenth century .

She is registered in her legal name say Sarah, but wants to be known as say Dolly.to be fair some of the nicer female teachers call her Dolly in the lessons but most don't and if she were mentioned for an achievement in assembly it would definitely be Sarah.when she started at the school it took her a while sometimes to realise she,was being spoken to!!

if she were mentioned for an achievement in assembly it would definitely be Sarah

This has happened with ds1 but it's a slip up rather than the school refusing to acknowledge or use his known by name.

He's on the register as Adam John. And all the teachers and admin staff know him as AJ. But when someone is collating a list of certificates for 60 kids (for instance), they'll be copying names off registers without thought and it's inevitable he's had the odd certificate for 'Adam' rather than AJ. Which is fine. He also, in infants had the majority of party invites to 'Adam' because parents would get a register list and just copy off it. As long as people are respectful enough to continue calling him AJ, it doesn't bother us (or him).

My daughter is generally not called by her exact first name, but if I disliked her registered first name so much that I would be offended by somebody using it, I wouldn't have put it on her birth certificate.

Ditto if I thought that she would be upset or confused if somebody actually used her first name as it is on her birth certificate.

DC is a) naff and b) sounds like david Cameron

the row up thread about names kids are called at school is bollocks
Their official name might stay the same on the big main register but I have taught girls who are TG who use boys names - all on the class register and everything

Nobodies talked about being offended or dc being upset or confused.

If someone discovered that AJ stood for Adam John and from that point forward decided to call ds1 'Adam'...i'd just think they were a massive cock. And stop engaging with them if it continued.

Why, why would you (general) insist on being the only person to call a child something different from their known by name? Because you have control issues are are trying to exercise some is the only reason I can think of.

But you do sound offended if you are calling somebody a cock summer. Why not just call somebody by their known name on their birth certificate? It's not as though there are strict rules about what names you can use in the UK.

To be fair, I would never call a Kate Katherine if they introduced themself as Kate. However I would be a bit surprised if a parent registered a child as Katherine rather than Kate if they never wanted Katherine to be used. It just seems to be creating an opportunity for offense/misunderstanding.

I

Because ds1's 'known by' is AJ - which is not something I would consider putting on a bc. I actually know someone who has a ds called 'CEEJAY' on the BC, which IMO is fucking awful.

He is called Adam (John). Adam is ds1's, DH's and DH's dad's name...I was happy to carry on the tradition. We already had Adam Senior and Adam Junior and it would have been a pain having both dh and ds1 at home called Adam. So we decided to call him AJ, day to day.

It's not on his bc, but it is 'who he is'. What he's been called from birth, what he's known by by EVERYONE, how he's introduced to people.

'Offended' is the wrong word. I'd really not be offended by anyone calling ds1 Adam. He gets called it by Doctor's, Dentist's etc all the time as if ds1 is unknown to them then they'll obviously use his 'official' name as registered on his bc.

But for someone who knows ds1 casually, who knows that he is called AJ by everyone to insist on calling him Adam - I would think they were a cock - I can think that without being 'offended' by them.

SummerNights1986
"Why, why would you (general) insist on being the only person to call a child something different from their known by name?"

When I do the register at the start of my lessons, I read from the register. 150(ish) children a day, my school's policy states that registers will be taken in the first 10 minutes of each lesson.

So get kids in, work out, sort those out that do not have the correct equipment, sort out those that have lost books, sort out those that come in late (for whatever reason).

The register (the official document) is what I read the register from. The rest of the lesson the child will (probably) be called whatever they prefer.

On the child's reports the child's name will be the one listed on the register because that is the school's (My school's) policy.

Even your child's exam registration will be registered in your child's official name.

So as has been asked before, why give a child a name, or record that child's name on an official document when you want to call them something else?

Boney - pretty much everything in written form comes to 'Adam John' Which is fine. From the school as well - reports, exams and so on.

Verbally though, it's surely just respectful to call a person by their (or their parents if that person is too young to decide) chosen 'known as' name?

Summer

I call children the name that they want to be known as (except for when I am registering for the class), even to the extent where parents have complained because it's not their child's name, (child wants to be known as Steve, parents want the child to be known as Stephen etc.)

I have no problems with a "Known as" name at all, but why give a child a name that you don't want them to be called.

And there have been times (admittedly not many) where a child has been upset that people are forced to call them by a name that they don't like (baby names, nick names given from family members that the family think is cute and have stuck)

Why do so many people get all huffy about what is on a child's birth certificate?
How often does that ever get seen?
You can be fairly sure that your child's teacher will never see it, your friends won't see it, their family won't see it. I didn't see my husbands until we got married.
How many friends have shown you their birth certificate?
How would you feel if an adult friend said to you that the name you have known them as for all their life wasn't actually their name at all but their nickname? Chances are you would think 'that's interesting' and move on.

An elderly relative of mine died recently and left me money. I had no idea that the name I had called her all my life wasn't actually her name but a nickname until I saw her will.

If you met someone called Katie would it make any difference if on her birth certificate it said Caitlyn, Catherine, Kathleen or Katie?

why give a child a name that you don't want them to be called

[sigh]

Boney I've explained our reasoning three times now on this thread, once only a couple of posts down. If you 'don't get it' then i'm not quite sure what else I can say, as I think I've been pretty clear so far.

Summer

Sigh all you want, I have read and understand why you call your son AJ, (and if your DS wants to be called AJ fine) but the school will call your DH will be known as Mr SummerNights1986, as I suspect DH's Dad will as well if they have to ring him.

What I don't understand is why it should bother you that your DS is called by his name when at school, I am sure that your DS can cope with being called different names as as long as he is happy why get huffy about it?

And YY to Pipbins post.

I don't think I've ever even clapped eyes on anyone's bc other than my own, dh's and dc's.

More people know ds1 is called Adam than probably would know a 'Kate' was actually 'Kathleen' only because we get asked frequently.

Me: 'This is AJ'.

Them: 'Hi AJ, nice to meet you'.

Them 10 minutes later: 'So what does AJ stand for?'

Which is fine, I expect to be asked. What I wouldn't expect to happen next would be-

Me: 'It's Adam John'.
Them: 'Oh right well I think i'll call him Adam then'.
Me: 'Oh we don't call him Adam, he's called AJ'.
Them: 'Right. But i'm going to call him Adam anyway'.

That would make me think you are a massive prick to be avoided. But thankfully, in RL, no one we meet seems to have the problem many MN's have of getting their heads around it. It really is very simple!

What I don't understand is why it should bother you that your DS is called by his name when at school

He's called AJ at school.

By everyone from the cleaners to the Governors, who he's met with a few times about a project he's involved with. I'm not bothered about anything to do with school.

If someone called him Adam now he would correct them himself. Adam may be on his bc but it's not 'him'.

Indeed. Also you seem to be struggling with the concept that a child might actually have an opinion that differs from yours .

You might feel that Anthony James is the best name is the world, but your ten year old might feel that AJ is cooler . Are you going to rush into school , demanding that his teachers and classmates call him Anthony James ?

Most parents realise that such a name gives lots of potential for reasonable short versions , as well as nicknames.

Summer

We seem to be arguing in the same point in that if the child wants to be known as "AJ" then that is what he should be called.

But there are cases where children do not want to be known as there initials or the name that their sibling called them because they couldn't pronounce their name properly and the parents complain that they are called "AJ" etc. against the wishes of the child.

More people know ds1 is called Adam than probably would know a 'Kate' was actually 'Kathleen' only because we get asked frequently.

My name is a shorter version of a common long name, but it can be a shorter version of many names. So very occasionally people will ask me 'are you a Jennifer? To which I will say, no, just Jenny.(not my real name)' Who is to say that is not a lie? My birth certificate might say Jennifer or Genevieve, no one will ever know.

And as for all this guff about schools deciding what they will call a child - it just doesn't happen in most schools. Especially when you consider that for cultural reasons some children are never referred to by their actual given name.
I will call someone what ever name I am told they are known as. If they are a William but everyone calls them Will, then I'll call them that, if everyone calls them William, then William it is.

I bet that every one of us, if we ask back though our family, an uncle Jim who was really called David but everyone called him Jim because his dad was called David.