Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call my grandchild the name he has just been given.

222 replies

timetobackout · 22/10/2015 11:23

My daughter has just had her first child, our first grandchild, mother and baby
doing fine,very exciting time for all of us.However she has given the little boy
two perfectly nice ordinary names, say David Charles, but the plan is
obviously to call him by his initials,so a conversation could go
'Hi Mum Deecee has put on another 2ozs'
'Lovely darling, glad David is feeding well , Aunt Matilda has rang to ask if
you could put some pictures of David in the post'
'Yes, I've got some lovely pictures of Deecee on the computer' etc etc
So far by calling him the baby a lot tensions have been avoided, but this is obviously a short term solution, but I just refuse to call him Deecee for the
next twenty years

OP posts:
RoisinIwanttofightyourfather · 22/10/2015 17:40

We call DS2 by his initials. He has a couple of friends that do it too, but everyone else including wider family call him by his full name. I asked him what he thought and he said he loves being called by his initials but only by his parents, brother and two close friends. Not anyone else.

Amummyatlast · 22/10/2015 17:47

I don't think I could bring myself to say the 'name' DC, so you are not BU on that basis.

HackerFucker22 · 22/10/2015 17:48

Maybe I am old fashioned but I thought when you named a baby then that is what he / she is called?

It's only on here I see people saying 'Baby will be called John nn Rowan' this is clearly a snarky example of what I mean

You don't name a baby in order to then use a certain nickname do you? Nicknames just happen

I do someone in real life who has given her 2 sons awful first names on the proviso they were always going to be known by their middle names.... urm just change the names around FFS.

HackerFucker22 · 22/10/2015 17:48

I do know* someone in real life

hooliodancer · 22/10/2015 17:49

My sister did this. I am with you, it really grated on me I don't know why. Perhaps because the initial nickname didn't evolve as I think nicknames tend to, she just said 'the baby will be DJ not Davina Jane' right from the start. To be honest I thought it made a new baby sound like a rapper! I just found it really contived, and I found I just couldn't say it or write it. I know that is awful by the way, and that it was none of my business. My sister didn't notice thankfully.

The nickname didn't stick at all. About 15 months later they just gave it up, without saying anything. I think it was because it hadn't evolved as a name, so didn't come naturally.

I get a bit Katie Hopkins about names it seems!

LeaLeander · 22/10/2015 17:49

Yes, YABU. You don't have to like the name/nickname but you must respect the parents' right to establish it.

If I were your daughter I would be thinking "Is this only the start? Is she going to challenge every other decision we make about this kid?" and it would affect my willingness to have you around him.

And I say that as someone who ordinarily has no patience for that "don't question my parenting choices!" nonsense. But really -- the parents do get to name the child, and the rest of the world must deal with it.

Gottagetmoving · 22/10/2015 17:51

I can't see anything wrong with a grandparent using the child's real name. I have always been called by and used my middle name because I didn't like my first name. However my granddad always called me by my first name because it was my late gran's name and he loved it because he loved her.
We all loved my granddad so we never minded him doing this.
I can't understand the attitude often shown by some posters on Mumsnet where people say grandparents should butt out or say ' they are your children, not theirs? and 'They had their turn' etc
It is so hostile and probably said by people who have issues with their own families or feel insecure. Our children are part of an extended family and not exclusively 'ours'

Bee513 · 22/10/2015 17:53

DeeCee just means Diet Coke to me

squoosh · 22/10/2015 17:54

I don't think DC/David Charles is the child's actual name.

Topseyt · 22/10/2015 17:54

My parents have always called my three DDs by the long versions of their names. Same with my sister's children too. They are the only ones who do but they will never change. Nobody bothers to make an issue of it. It just isn't worthwhile.

They refused to use shortened names for my sister and I too. In fact, they heartily disapprove of shortened names, despite always having been known by shortened versions of their own. Double standards, but they don't seem to see it that way somehow.

mathanxiety · 22/10/2015 17:59

I nearly acquired a son in law who uses his initials as a name. It's not unusual in either of the cultures I call 'home'.

In his case it was to distinguish him from his father, whom he was officially named after. I have a cousin who used the same rationale with his son.

Teachers may also use the preferred name used by the parents. That is certainly the case where I live now and where I am from. The paperwork will be in the official name and middle initial plus surname, but teachers all through school have used the preferred name of their students, where we live.

exMIL decided that she would only use the first half of DD1's double name, which was coincidentally the name of exMIL's mother.
(There was no hyphen just in case anyone was worried Wink)
She also tried to give DS a nickname of her choice. Luckily we lived too far away for that to stick.
It all came over to me as crashingly rude.

Absofrigginlootly · 22/10/2015 18:00

My MIL tried to lengthen my DDs name but to a name that wasn't a her name!!

We purposely called a short name that is a name in its own right, like 'rose' for example.....
MIL turned up at the hospital saying "here's a picture of her namesake, great aunt Rosemary!!"

DH and I look bemused..... "But her names not Rosemary!" I said. "And I've never heard of this great aunt" said DH

She then went on to say the same thing to my parents and God knows who else Again, my DF repeated "but her name is rose, not Rosemary" with a baffled look.

She soon dropped it. But let's just say it's symptomatic of a wider problem of MIL always thinking she is right/knows best etc.

OP I know you say you will call the baby DC from now on.....but through gritted teeth! Shock
Drop the attitude. Your DD has just had a baby. This is not about you in anyway. Just smile, nod, say "what a lovely name! And what can I do to help?"

Mehitabel6 · 22/10/2015 18:02

I see your problem, I dislike it, but I think that you have to go with it. The child himself may change it and want a proper name later and then you can change it.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 22/10/2015 18:07

My son is called Alex, for a while a few people (relatives) insisted on calling him Alexander, I politely said that's not his name, it is just Alex, in fact we are rather thinking we should have put Just Alex on his birth certificate, people soon came round. Only occasionally do we have to resort to 'Just Alex' these days!

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/10/2015 18:10

mathanxiety
"Teachers may also use the preferred name used by the parents. That is certainly the case where I live now and where I am from."

Around here we use the name that the child prefers.
The amount of grief treating a child as a person can cause is unimaginable.

MrsKoala · 22/10/2015 18:11

Hacker using abbreviations is very old fashioned too, not just a modern thing. Think Margaret/peggy etc. If ds2 had have been a girl he would have been Persephone with Posey as the abbreviation. This is not the same as a nn which is something like buttons which is usually acquired by some anecdote along ones life or people who are called white being called chalky. Which is also v old fashioned. Initials are completely normal to shorten someone's name to.

catkind · 22/10/2015 18:12

I called my babies all sorts of daft nicknames, didn't expect everyone else to do so too. One of DD's best friends has picked up on her family nickname, which is kind of cute, but no one else.
So maybe first find out what your DD wants him called, DC may just be her pet name.

thegiddylimit · 22/10/2015 18:13

I think as grandparent you have a right to call the child by their proper name, or a petname of your choosing that is related to their proper name. You are not allowed to say 'I don't like David as a name so I'm going to call your child Spencer'. Non-family, non-friends have to use the name the parents gave.

So, Mum and the ILs both have (different) nicknames for our kids. Mum didn't ask if it was OK (knowing I'd be Ok with it), MIL did. I told her I thought it was lovely for the kids to have a special grandma nickname. On the other hand some of the staff at the nursery the DC attend started calling DD by a nickname I didn't like. I kept using her proper name until they stopped it.

Mehitabel6 · 22/10/2015 18:22

As a teacher I used the name the child liked to be known as.
As a grandparent I would use the name the parent's had decided upon- until such time as the child might decide differently.

brokenhearted55a · 22/10/2015 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mathanxiety · 22/10/2015 18:37

Presumably the child and parents would have the same idea of what name the child would use?

blacktreaclecat · 22/10/2015 18:42

Mmm
When he was born I was adamant DS would be called his full name - think Michael. As he's grown into a toddler we've stated calling him a diminutive eg Mickey. MIL still adamant he's Michael. When he's older I'm fairly sure he'll be a different older diminutive eg Mike. MiL will still use Michael I'm sure, it doesn't bother me really. If it bothers DS I'm sure he'll put MIL straight now he's talking!
So yabu, but not very :)

mathanxiety · 22/10/2015 18:42

Brokenhearted, I would assume nothing, and ask. Unless the NN is BJ, I would honour what the parents have chosen.

They may really like the nn. To them it may not be stupid at all. One or other of them may hate one or both official names and they may have agreed on the initials as a compromise. The OP needs to do what she is asked to do in this matter.

Potatoface2 · 22/10/2015 18:45

i spoke on the phone to my son today and called his new baby a shortened name of what they have called her...he said 'please dont call her that'....so i wont again.....i do love the name they have called her so she will be that from now on....its the parents choice im afraid even if you dont like it

Postchildrenpregranny · 22/10/2015 18:47

My DH has three names . He has always been known by the middle one It causes all sorts of problems (think airline tickets).I don't understand why my Ils didn't just put it first
Dh and I occasionally call DD1 by a shortened version of her name, and DD 2 by a 'corrupted' version of hers ,but NO-ONE else is 'allowed' to. It sort of evolved . And I hate one of the shortened versions of DD1's name so no one has ever been allowed to call her by it . She hates it too so wont answer to it .
Why didn't they just name him DC? it seems bizarre to me . But I'm old fashioned