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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call my grandchild the name he has just been given.

222 replies

timetobackout · 22/10/2015 11:23

My daughter has just had her first child, our first grandchild, mother and baby
doing fine,very exciting time for all of us.However she has given the little boy
two perfectly nice ordinary names, say David Charles, but the plan is
obviously to call him by his initials,so a conversation could go
'Hi Mum Deecee has put on another 2ozs'
'Lovely darling, glad David is feeding well , Aunt Matilda has rang to ask if
you could put some pictures of David in the post'
'Yes, I've got some lovely pictures of Deecee on the computer' etc etc
So far by calling him the baby a lot tensions have been avoided, but this is obviously a short term solution, but I just refuse to call him Deecee for the
next twenty years

OP posts:
squoosh · 22/10/2015 11:58

Well done OP! Grit those teeth Grin

To call my grandchild the name he has just been given.
HeartShapedBox · 22/10/2015 11:58

I don't think you're being unreasonable, David is his name Confused

It'd be different if you decided you didn't like the name David, so would call him Simon instead Grin

If his parents wanted him to be known as DC, and only DC, that's what they'd have put on the birth certificate, surely.

bastardcat · 22/10/2015 11:58

Hurray! Good for you OP. Enjoy the baby cuddles.

jorahmormont · 22/10/2015 11:59

YABabitU... DD has a Welsh name and an English nickname. My family call her almost exclusively by the English nickname, the ILs call her exclusively by the Welsh name. We don't mind that, so YANBU there.

The bit where YABU is because it sounds like you might be doing it in a way that makes it clear you dislike the nickname. My ILs really don't like that DD has an English nickname to make things easier for my side of the family, and make no attempt to hide it, and that hurts.

If your DD asks you to use his nickname, you'll have to just suck it up and do it, because it's not your place to tell her what you think she should call her child. However, for as long as she's not complaining, I don't think you need to stop calling him David.

FrozenAteMyDaughter · 22/10/2015 11:59

OP, has your daughter or your son in law reacted negatively at any point to you calling the baby by the full name? Because maybe they don't care - it is his name after all that you are using. My brother is called by his initials by our family and he uses the shortening too when signing cards etc, but many of his friends call him by part of his actual name, which suggests that is how he refers to himself with new people. No one, including him seems bothered which name we are using - everyone knows who they are talking about.

I also have friends who started referring to their child by a shortening of her name and have since gone back to calling her by her full name. The fact that a lot of people still call her by the shortening doesn't seem to cause any tension at all.

If you are concerned about it, why not ask your daughter is she is ok calling him David because you find it hard to use the initials? She may be fine with that and, if not, at least you know and can grit your teeth until such time as David/DC makes up his own mind.

EponasWildDaughter · 22/10/2015 11:59

Good, because it's not worth falling out over.

What's wrong with DC anyway OP? Out of interest.

Anastasie · 22/10/2015 11:59

Plus it is a teenager's name. A name his mates should call him, maybe his mum, but not his granny.

She might be fine with David for the older generation. What is the good of a name if it isn't versatile and has no variations or permutations?

I've been called all sorts of things by different people. It doesn't matter to me.

RitaConnors · 22/10/2015 12:00

My friends mother and father told my friend that they were not going to use the name that their granddaughter's parents had chosen and that they would call her by her middle name instead.

The stand off lasted about two weeks and they then 'gave in' and started to use her name. It seems ridiculous now as of course they are used to her name now and I think they feel somewhat daft.

There is a JP in my dd's class. She's in year six I've known of him for a while and I haven't a clue what his 'real' name is. It's never occurred to me to think about it.

CoronaExtra · 22/10/2015 12:01

You may not want to make an issue out of his name. Someone in our family did and I will never forgive them for it.

3sugarsplease · 22/10/2015 12:01

Shouldn't you be focusing on the fact you have a lovely new grandchild.. Not getting worked up over his name Confused

Nohopeformethen · 22/10/2015 12:01

Today 11:52 AuntieStella
Call the DC what the parents call the DC. In this case DC
snort Grin

noeffingidea · 22/10/2015 12:03

I'm a grandmother, and I call my grandson by the name his parents chose. Whether I like it or not is immaterial (I do).
The only exception would be if it was something obscene or racist orientated (think Adolf). DC doesn't come into that category.
Having said that, I have a feeling it might not last through childhood. DC doesn't roll off the tongue as easily or sound as 'right' as other initial combos
(Eg DJ).

Axekick · 22/10/2015 12:04

If she wanted him to be Called DeeCee she could have named him that.

She will get people calling him David for the rest of his life. Unless she tells you to call him DeeCee. I would carry on as you are. If she has a problem she will tell you.

UterusUterusGhali · 22/10/2015 12:05

Would your daughter really care, do you think?

My family often call my dc nicknames I don't use or particularly like, but they're grown-ups, and I'm not going to be precious about what words come out of their mouths.

They sometimes use my pet-names for them too, or invent their own. It's such a non-issue.

jorahmormont · 22/10/2015 12:05

Ooh mahoosive cross post :)

Congratulations on your new DGC and enjoy those cuddles!

myotherusernameisbetter · 22/10/2015 12:06

My MIL used to call my DC by their complete full name i.e. in the case used in this thread, she'd always use David Charles. She also had her own nn for each of the grandchildren- can't say either of those bothered my in the slightest and she died before DC were old enough to say if they minded.

My own mum doesn't particularly like DS2s name so when they were little, she would "accidentally on purpose" used DS1s name on him and claim it was a mistake.... I just thought that was funny though and she soon got used to it.

ShelaghTurner · 22/10/2015 12:07

YANBU. You're calling him by his given name, not some random name you've stumbled across. I'm in the minority but I think the parents' involvement in name choice ends when they sign the register. Once the name is given then it no longer belongs to them. Obviously your grandson is too young yet but given him a couple of years and he'll have his own ideas about his name. DD1 refused point blank at about age 2 to answer to the nickname I had lovingly bestowed on her at birth and so it's no longer used.

NinaSimoneful · 22/10/2015 12:09

Yabu. They like DC but are smart enough to give the child an alternative so that he can choose to call himself David in the future. Better than just having DC on the bc.

You can insist on calling him David and the little boy will understand that granny had a different name for him but that sounds a bit like you're alienating yourself. On purpose. You're formal to everyone else's casual.

Some people insist on being called by their name and no alternatives, others don't mind what they answer to. And then some people insist on calling people by a certain version of their name and no other variation. I know a woman who calls me by a version of my name that no-one else uses but she herself calls herself by a nickname. People are odd.

Lonecatwithkitten · 22/10/2015 12:10

I was the grandchild in this situation, but it was reversed my parents used my full name and my grandfather used a shortened pet name. My grandmother never used it, he had no other special names for any other grandchildren. We all just accepted it and lived happily with it.

MrsKoala · 22/10/2015 12:11

I find all the 'she should have named him that then' and 'david is his name' opinions odd. Almost everyone i know has a long Sunday best name and is then referred to as an abbreviation. The abbreviation being chosen by the parents until the person is old enough to decide for themselves. All these names have been used happily by everyone they have been introduced to apart from some very strange passive aggressive controlling odd bods.

i am a short version of a long name. i could have been CJ if my parents had chosen it. They did think about i apparently.

NinaSimoneful · 22/10/2015 12:13

Too late Sad

Good for you OP, I think you've made the right decision.

Thumbcat · 22/10/2015 12:14

My parents have always called me by the short version of my name and my grandparents always called me by the (much nicer) long version. They were both my names and as far as I'm aware this didn't cause an issue for anyone.

I think you should just tell your daughter that you love the names she's chosen for her son and ask if she would mind if you called him that?

DragonboysMum · 22/10/2015 12:18

My son's name is a shortened version of a name but DP thinks the full version gives him more options when he's older, so that's what went on his birth certificate. However, everyone calls him the short version as I was very clear that I don't actually like the full name. Except 2 of DP's relatives who insist on using the other one as it sounds 'less common'. Drives me nuts!

Backforthis · 22/10/2015 12:21

Well done for the teeth gritting OP. I think you can probably get away with the odd David as long as you use DC to your DD most of the time. In a year or two she probably won't care what you call him!

diddl · 22/10/2015 12:21

I agree with asking as well.

Has your daughter said any thing when you use his first name & not his initials?

Just because she currently calls him "DC", doesn't mean that she wants everyone to does it?

Is it even possible to register initials as a name?