To find the terms Cool Wives and Handmaidens...

[DioneTheDiabolist]

...deeply offensive?

I was on a thread today where these phrases were used. I challenged them as IMO they are as bad as the word "slut". Disgusting names that are used exclusively to judge women and put them down.

I am a feminist and none of the feminists I know in RL tolerate the labelling of women in negative terms. However the response I received was so surprising that I thought I would ask: AIBU to find the terms "Cool Wives/Girls" and "Handmaidens" demeaning, dismissive, misogynistic insults?

Thank you. You're right OneHand, I have stupidly mistaken MN feminism for lovely RL feminism.

Just stick handmaiden into advanced search

You'll see it used on loads of threads.

Apparently cool wives are terribly needy and if they actually like football and drink beer they must be pretending.

I'd laugh my head off at "handmaidens"

Have no idea why "cool wives" is offensive?

What site where you on and what were you challenging?

I use the old fashioned term 'man-pleaser' instead.

'Cool wife' is thrown at people who don't mind their partners having friends of the opposite sex/going on holiday with their friends etc by people who don't trust their partners to do those things.

were!

I can sort of figure out 'handmaiden', but 'cool wife'? Really? I'm not sure how much the term existed before Gone Girl, but I'm already bored of it.

And it's used to dismiss those who like men's company and actually have male platonic friends.

From what I've observed, cool wife and handmaiden are terms used by women who have a stick up their arse to describe those who don't.

Dione I'm a lovely mn feminist and a lovely rl feminist .
This place is feeling really hostile to feminism at the moment.
Why are we apparently all the same. If two posters used the above words why is it about mn feminists. Why not just silly people.
I've never used those words on here, yet I'm still a feminist.
Frankly its really fucking annoying to be referred to so nastily all the time.

I was on this site Pinot.

YANBU

gendered insults are lazy and pointless

I wouldn't use those words. If I thought someone was talking nonsense, saying basically that men's needs should come first, which is what a supposed handmaiden would do, id just call em a twat tbh. Same thing really.

I still don't get it.

Something or someone being cool in my younger years used to be a compliment

Needs, it's been explained a bit on this thread (in context)

But you might have to advance search to see more examples.

Mn feminists all think the same now?

I thought you were against stupid generalisations op.

Handmaiden? Sounds like it is the year 1583. Like helpmeet.

slug I've been on MN for years and 'cool wives' has been used a lot.

slug I've been on MN for years and 'cool wives' has been used a lot.

What does helpmeet mean? I like the sound of it.

slug if I had £1 for every time I've read 'cool wives', that'd be Christmas and a Summer holiday sorted.

Oswin, I'm not sure that MN is hostile to feminism. I find that it has a mostly feminist ethos which is why I like it.

What I have also noticed is a tendency to blame women for misogyny and the patriarchy which, like name calling, I do not find acceptable.