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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is rude for guests to dictate what we will eat for Christmas

243 replies

shebird · 19/10/2015 16:40

I just had an email from someone who will be coming to us for Christams asking what I was planning on cooking for Christmas lunch. Then going on to suggest several options of things she would like to have.

This is not for dietary reasons but just purely so that they can have exactly what they would like on the day. This person as never cooked Christmas lunch before and has no idea of the cost and the work involved.

Aibu to give her the number of some local restaurants that are open Christmas Day if she wants to dictate what she would like for lunch?

OP posts:
glenthebattleostrich · 19/10/2015 16:41

Tell her they sound delicious and you appreciate her bringing them with her.

JeffsanArsehole · 19/10/2015 16:42

Yanbu

But it would be much funnier to say "depends what's on the reduced counter at Asda on the 24th"

Grin
Original poster
shebird · 19/10/2015 16:42

*Christmas

Also apologies for mentioning the C word, I realise it's not even November yet.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 19/10/2015 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fratelli · 19/10/2015 16:43

Yanbu at all. I wouldn't be having her over for Xmas!

Plumm · 19/10/2015 16:43

YANBU - outside of dietary requirements, if you come to my house you eat what you're given - I'm not a restaurant!

Last year Dh and I wanted beef but my parents insisted on turkey so they had turkey slices out of a packet, as well as the wonderful Waitress beef - I really don't know why they bothered with the turkey.

Justmyluck1 · 19/10/2015 16:43

Cheeky cow!

Strange too as Christmas dinner is usually a roast with trimmings.

Personally I would ignore the email and nit invite next year.

Jackie0 · 19/10/2015 16:45

Yanbu
I was going to say she can prepare and contribute her preferred food but actually no she can't , that's rude and entitled too.
She can like it or lump it imo.
Is this person ( don't know why I'm saying 'she') very young?
I'm picturing a teen.

LagunaBubbles · 19/10/2015 16:45

Well it all depends on who it is tbh and your relationship with them. Im not quite like Plumm "if you come to my house you eat what you're given - I'm not a restaurant!" as a host I like to make sure I will serve up something my guests will actually like but I ask guests this - Ive never had them telling me what to cook!

ENtertainmentAppreciated · 19/10/2015 16:46

Is it the Dowager Violet from Downton coming?
If not, she is being VU.

More charitably perhaps they think they're helping with the plans? But I'd still reply 'It's ok I have the menu and my shopping list all sorted'

Original poster
shebird · 19/10/2015 16:46

Great idea Jeffsan Grin

The trouble is one of the suggestions I was probably going to anyhow but now I don't want to have that as its like giving in.

OP posts:
GloriaHotcakes · 19/10/2015 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ineedabodytransplant · 19/10/2015 16:47

Why would you bother with someone so fecking entitled? I wouldn't waste my Christmas on a someone so full of their own piss amd importance.

Justmyluck, I wouldn't wait until next year, my uninvite would be for this one. I wouldn't want someone like this using up my precious oxygen Grin

Stillunexpected · 19/10/2015 16:47

What kind of things is she suggesting?! If a guest did this to me, I might be prepared to agree if they were asking for an extra vegetable or perhaps custard with their pudding instead of brandy butter i.e. if it was something which could be done with minimum extra effort. However, anything beyond that just shows their complete lack of good manners and ignorance of social conventions.

FluffyNinja · 19/10/2015 16:48

I can understand you feeling a bit put out by them suggesting meal options but I really don't get why you'd post a thread to complain on mumsnet rather than ringing them for a chat?

Surely if it's someone you've invited to your house for Christmas Day, you must know them reasonably well?

Or are you doing someone a favour and it's a relative stranger?

Either way, I'd just pick up the phone and discuss it.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 19/10/2015 16:48

Anyone else curious as to what she requested?

No?

ineedabodytransplant · 19/10/2015 16:49

I know I sound mean.

I love having people round for meals. I go out of my way to find out what my friends like and try and provide a meal that makes everyone happy if I can. What I won't do is bend over and be shafted by a 'princess'

She wouldn't be catered for by me, that's for sure.

ImperialBlether · 19/10/2015 16:50

Look, Fluffy, EVERY problem could be resolved with a good chat but then we wouldn't have a Mumsnet, would we?!

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/10/2015 16:51

I think it depends how it's worded.

'Hi, I'm emailing to make sure I'll get the key things I always like to have at Christmas.

Starter: can't decide between pate de foie gras, smoked salmon and caviare, so get all three in.
Main course: Can't stand turkey. Organic goose or duck is OK. Make sure the stuffing has truffles in it.
Pudding: Christmas pudding is out, I hate dried fruit. I'll have chocolate truffle torte with clotted cream.
Cheese: there's a very good selection at Neal's Yard. I appreciate you're in Inverness but I expect you've planned a trip down to London to stock up.
Dessert: there must be figs and fresh dates or my Christmas will be ruined.
Drink: obviously a good champagne for pre-lunch drinks and to go with the starter. Chateauneuf du Pape will be fine for the main course. Sauternes for the pudding, then a good port.

HTH

BW

N Titled'

Or:
'Hi, I know it's a bit early to be talking about Christmas :) but I thought it might help if I mention that we really, really love having Yorkshire puddings with our Christmas dinner. I know not everybody does so I decided I'd just mention it and I hope it's not too much bother and there will be room in the oven. Aunt Bessie's would be fine and I can bring them if it will help.

Also, I'm afraid none of us are very keen on Christmas pudding so could I just check whether there will be an alternative? Can I bring anything?

Really looking forward to it!

Love

N Ice'

CoraPirbright · 19/10/2015 16:52

"Well, it seems like you are in luck this year as I have already settled on cooking X which is on your suggested list".

Or is the passive aggression in that reply too subtle for them to appreciate how entitled and rude they are being? I do goose at Christmas. My mother thinks this is sacrilege and cooks and brings her own turkey. Sigh.

cashewnutty · 19/10/2015 16:54

In our family, if there is something you would like to eat on Christmas day, then you buy it and cook it for all. We have had some lovely things doing this. Nut roast done by a veggie was a particular hit.

If you guest wants particular foods, tell her that she is welcome to bring those items and you look forward to trying them?

Lweji · 19/10/2015 16:56

What are they suggesting?

I'd just thank them and do what I'd please
Or as suggested earlier, ask them to bring those items

Stillunexpected · 19/10/2015 16:56

I want to know what is on the list

ineedabodytransplant · 19/10/2015 16:58

Imperial, will you PLEASE stop being reasonable Grin

NoSquirrels · 19/10/2015 16:58

I'd probably go with something like "Gosh, glad you're so excited! It's a bit too early for me at the moment, I haven't even thought about the menu yet past the usual turkey and all the trimmings, but if you'd like to bring any dish on your list then that's excellent - just let me know nearer the time what you're bringing and I can work around your contribution (as long as it fits in the oven or doesn't need a lot of prep work when we'll all be busy. Some of it sounds delicious! Looking forward to seeing you."

And then I would certainly be starting a thread about it!