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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is rude for guests to dictate what we will eat for Christmas

243 replies

shebird · 19/10/2015 16:40

I just had an email from someone who will be coming to us for Christams asking what I was planning on cooking for Christmas lunch. Then going on to suggest several options of things she would like to have.

This is not for dietary reasons but just purely so that they can have exactly what they would like on the day. This person as never cooked Christmas lunch before and has no idea of the cost and the work involved.

Aibu to give her the number of some local restaurants that are open Christmas Day if she wants to dictate what she would like for lunch?

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/10/2015 18:21

Me too, limited! We also have roast potatoes, roast parsnips and brussels sprouts. I don't get the appeal of red cabbage, personally .

limitedperiodonly · 19/10/2015 18:21

It was a joke shebird. Heard of those?

Anyway, both swan and robin are in season at Christmas, so I don't know what you're complaining about.

MamaLazarou · 19/10/2015 18:22

YABU for calling it 'Christmas lunch'.

It's Christmas Dinner.

Original poster
shebird · 19/10/2015 18:23

Sorry limited just the mention of Christmas is getting my back up

OP posts:
Stillunexpected · 19/10/2015 18:23

OK, now that we have the list I think those demands are outrageous. Is beef wellington even possible for you within the restrictions of producing a turkey (or whatever you are roasting), potatoes and other veg which may need to go in the oven? I just about manage with two ovens, although would do some kind of magic in order to produce it from one, but someone adding in a whole new main course which needs to be cooked in the oven would just blow the top off my head!

I would respond saying that smoked salmon not in budget but if she would like to contribute that to the meal you would be delighted to accept. Beef Wellington simply not logistically possible. Family pudding - possibly do-able, if it is something which does not require a pound of gold leaf and an hour of assembly on the day. Selection of Xmas puds - what on top of whatever you are already offering and the family put - no way!

Toadinthehole · 19/10/2015 18:25

Well, I think the suggestion is borderline cheeky, but not nearly as bad as the passive-aggressive replies many of you are suggesting. If a guest made a specific Xmas dinner request I'd see if I could cater for it, and if I couldn't, e.g. it was too hard, too expensive, or if there wasn't enough room in the oven, then I'd say so. I certainly wouldn't employ sarcasm, as that is rude.

As for the list above, this is what I would say:

  • Can't afford the smoked salmon - will provide if you make a contribution for it - is that OK?
  • Sorry, the majority want turkey / ham / whatever
  • (one of) Thanks for the pudding recipe - haven't tried it before, will do so (or if very late) / Sorry, have a family recipe of my own / Sorry, have a really good recipe of my own.
  • Can't do the selection of puds as it'll just be too much for me.
Canyouforgiveher · 19/10/2015 18:26

Thanks for telling us OP.

So write back and say lovely suggestions. You'll be bringing the smoked salmon and making the old family pudding then. looking forward to it.

Toadinthehole · 19/10/2015 18:26

NB: last year my family and I were guests at another family's house for Xmas dinner. I suggested organic ham on bone, which I purchased and prepared. I am curious now as to whether some of you would have thought that rude.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 19/10/2015 18:27

Stealth - if you were staying the night there would be a very high probability of other food being offered later on. It's Christmas Day we're talking about after all.

Even if it wasn't Christmas, if the main meal had been served at lunchtime then a decent host would offer something for tea - a sandwich or light snack probably. If the uneaten meal had been served in the evening then you would just be hungry until breakfast. No-one ever died from missing most of one meal. If you were diabetic and needed something, it would be absolutely fine to ask your host. Medical and dietary needs are obviously different matters.

limitedperiodonly · 19/10/2015 18:27

We also have roast potatoes, roast parsnips and brussels sprouts. I don't get the appeal of red cabbage

I'd agree with all of that. My mum used to serve pickled red cabbage in a jar for my SIL because she once said she liked red cabbage. She didn't demand it btw. She just said she liked it.

It wasn't the same thing but my SIL used to gamely eat some and then my mum would press the jar on her 'because we don't eat that stuff'.

expatinscotland · 19/10/2015 18:28

I agree with Still's response.

Stillunexpected · 19/10/2015 18:30

Tbh, I do red cabbage because it does seem to be a commonly-offered recipe in Christmas-themed magazines, it is a doddle to prepare and freeze in advance, then just requires warming-up on the day well before dinner and sticking in a vacuum-sealed casserole dish where it stays hot and doesn't have any possibility of getting soggy, like, for instance, parsnips.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/10/2015 18:31

Quite frankly, Toadinthehole, I'm surprised your host didn't call the police. What an utterly outrageous thing to do....................................not. Grin

mathanxiety · 19/10/2015 18:33

LOL. She has a brass neck.

Tell her you look forward to seeing her. You hope she will have a lovely time despite the fact that none of her lunch requests will be honoured.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 19/10/2015 18:33

We now NEED to see the whole email.

My SIL insists on turkey. We have hosted the last five years. I want a change. She won't budge.

She's not invited this year. It's going to cause a shitstorm. In fact I might start a thread...

limitedperiodonly · 19/10/2015 18:34

That's okay OP. I understand the stress. It's the reason I'd only ever invite my mum over for Christmas because she was no trouble. She'd just arrive some time on Christmas eve, we'd go out to eat, and then she'd get up really early being useful with housework.

I'd rather she didn't because we'd be trying to sleep while she was crashing about from 6.30am. But she was excellent at veg peeling duties as long as she was plonked in front of the TV with the sound turned right up.

trollkonor · 19/10/2015 18:35

Paul Newman is the saucy uncle.

limitedperiodonly · 19/10/2015 18:36

And those demands are outrageous btw.

ZanyMobster · 19/10/2015 18:39

I think they are OTT really, asking for Xmas pudding or yorkshires would be OK if done in the right way.

I do aunt bessies Yorkshires, they take 3 mins roughly so I put them in whilst dishing up Blush

Toadinthehole · 19/10/2015 18:42

I actually quite like my guests to make dinner suggestions. It means I know I can give them something they ... well.. like. Just as long as they know that it's up to me, I really don't see the rudeness.

ClashCityRocker · 19/10/2015 18:43

Yup, outrageous.

Although I must admit, after gratefully accepting an invitation from my lovely aunt for dinner this year, I may have, later that evening, turned to dh with a daily mail sad face and whisper 'there isn't going to be Yorkshire puddings, is there?'

But I'd rather be with her without yorkshire puddings than without her with Yorkshire puddings.

And I'd never be so rude as to specifically request Yorkshire puddings.

If I'm hosting, I will probably gather opinions on starter and dessert. The main meal should deffo be up to the host though! Surely that's one of the perks of hosting?

K1mberly · 19/10/2015 18:46

We want to know the suggestions please

Wolpertinger · 19/10/2015 18:47

Toadinthehole it would entirely have depended on how you were invited and how you came to suggest it.

We're coming to yours this year because we hate hosting and you've done it for 20 years and it's still your turn. BTW your food is shit and we're richer than you so we're bringing an organic ham - rude.

Or - thanks so much for inviting us, we're really looking forward to it. Can we bring any food or contribute to the catering in anyway? There's an organic butcher near me who does an amazing ham on the bone - lovely, please consider yourselves invited to mine on Boxing Day.

YellowDinosaur · 19/10/2015 18:47

Kimberley rtft...

reni2 · 19/10/2015 18:48

The smoked salmon from a particular supplier she can order, pay for and have it delivered to your house. Beef only if that's what you were going to do anyway, Christmas pudding can be cooked in a different country and brought over or else ordered and paid for as well. Don't feel like you have to do any of it.