To think it is rude for guests to dictate what we will eat for Christmas

[shebird]

I just had an email from someone who will be coming to us for Christams asking what I was planning on cooking for Christmas lunch. Then going on to suggest several options of things she would like to have.

This is not for dietary reasons but just purely so that they can have exactly what they would like on the day. This person as never cooked Christmas lunch before and has no idea of the cost and the work involved.

Aibu to give her the number of some local restaurants that are open Christmas Day if she wants to dictate what she would like for lunch?

Who is this creature, and why are you tolerating this from them?

Cook what you like and suggest to her that if she's in any way concerned about food that she's welcome to sort herself out elsewhere and pay to eat at a restaurant. You'll understand if that means she has to cancel, but at least there's still time for her to make alternative arrangements.

Is DH's Aunt staying with you long? What does she want to eat?

gasp - yeah, but, um, many things cook in a few minutes in a hot oven.

The problem is the hot oven is still only the same size it always was!

(You can tell I've done the logistics before. It is a bloody nightmare. I'd much rather the straightforward 'I like eating x. But see how you go' approach.)

Please put us out of our misery and tell us what her demands are. We really can't say if YABU yet.

Oh but YANBU - it's very rude to dictate the menu, unless it's an allergy - at a push you could do a "are you planning on serving X as it's traditional in my family/where I live, but if not, would you mind terribly if I brought some with me?" (even if she's visiting from overseas, unless she's arriving on 24th, she can pop to the shops and buy whatever it is).

Ah x post.

Send her a list of local hotels then.

I can barely imagine on what planet someone would have to live on to be THIS entitled and rude. she's not Egyptian is she?

Since you are not saying what she wants, I suspect YABU.

"thank you for your suggestions, I'll do my best - could you bring the appropriate wines please" should do the trick

Well, keep her hanging. Say you haven't decided.

I'm having what I want this year, because I cook it all and am always being cajoled into having stuff I don't much like.

I wouldn't worry about it at all, just cook what you planned.

I would just say 'a surprise'.

If I received the Yorkshire pudding e-mail, one thing there would definitely not be would be Yorkshire puddings!

Nope, sorry, dietary requirements aside - if you are visiting someone for Christmas lunch you eat what you are served. If you don't like it, you eat what you can and then make a polite excuse (such as being full quickly, not feeling too well) etc. and have a sandwich when you get home.

Extremely bad manners to tell the host what to cook.

Stop teasing OP! What does she want to eat? :)

My MIL used to cook four different dishes for Xmas lunch and used to call me for my 'order' I used to reply that I really didn't mind.

OP, I think it's possible that the sender of the email was trying to polite. Some people are not very good at getting the right tone to their emails. If she is normally ok then I wouldn't mind her 'rudeness'. I'd be tempted to send a witty reply rather than a stroppy one unless she is normally unpleasant.

Hi, I know it's a bit early to be talking about Christmas smile but I thought it might help if I mention that we really, really love having Yorkshire puddings with our Christmas dinner. I know not everybody does so I decided I'd just mention it and I hope it's not too much bother and there will be room in the oven. Aunt Bessie's would be fine and I can bring them if it will help.

Also, I'm afraid none of us are very keen on Christmas pudding so could I just check whether there will be an alternative? Can I bring anything?

Really looking forward to it!

Love

N Ice'

You really think that's an okay thing to write to a host? That is beyond rude.

BTW I don't think Gasps second email is rude. I wouldn't mind if I received that from one of my family. However, I wouldn't send it myself.

I need to know what the requests were. Have a few friends of this ilk.

Santa's what if you're staying the night?

Another one asking what she asked for. Otherwise I can't judge. I think it's okay to make small requests if done nicely.

That's probably because I was shamed by a dinner lady when I innocently asked for Yorkshire pudding.

'But it's roast chicken!' she shouted. 'Who has Yorkshire pudding with chicken? It's for beef. Hark at this little girl who's asked for yorkshire pudding?'

You'd think she was head chef at the Savoy Grill rather than in the kitchen of an Essex primary school.

I slunk off brimming with tears.

it's all right. I told my mum at hometime. I wouldn't have wanted to be in that dinner lady's shoes the next day.

My mum was THAT MOTHER

Bit rude of you regardimg 'no idea of family life' OP.
What does that have to do with xmas dinner rudeness?
Im childfree and family life gets forced on my all the time ! Quite aware, thank you.

The problem with bloody Christmas is that everyone grew up with their own traditions. We always host (for various reasons) and every year someone looks aghast that we put presents under the tree before Christmas Eve night / I don't much like the white meat on turkey / I'd like to do the big meal at dinner rather than lunch / I like to go to Mass / blah blah blah.

Having said that, I would like to know what she's asked for.

I hope she asked for chicken liver parfait in the shape of Santa Claus.

op what the heck does she want to eat????

'Gosh, really? When I cook for other people, I want to be sure they're going to enjoy what they're eating, just as I also want to make sure I'm going to enjoy it.'

Then you as the host asks for the guests' input, it's never on for a guest, however PA nicey-nice, to demand what they want to eat (barring dietary requirements). If you want that, go to a restaurant and order it up.