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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is rude for guests to dictate what we will eat for Christmas

243 replies

shebird · 19/10/2015 16:40

I just had an email from someone who will be coming to us for Christams asking what I was planning on cooking for Christmas lunch. Then going on to suggest several options of things she would like to have.

This is not for dietary reasons but just purely so that they can have exactly what they would like on the day. This person as never cooked Christmas lunch before and has no idea of the cost and the work involved.

Aibu to give her the number of some local restaurants that are open Christmas Day if she wants to dictate what she would like for lunch?

OP posts:
tibbawyrots · 19/10/2015 18:02

Still wondering what was requested!

SuburbanRhonda · 19/10/2015 18:03

Why won't you tell us what your DH's aunt has asked for, OP?

Is it not that unreasonable after all?

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/10/2015 18:03

Thank god for that, ThatsDissapointing! I'd begun to think my rudeometer needed recalibrating. I can't imagine personally sending my N. Ice email but it wouldn't really put me out at all to receive something like that. I've experienced some behaviour in my time which I regard as beyond rude, and an email like that doesn't get close.

Wolpertinger · 19/10/2015 18:05

I now despreately need to know what she wants to eat and how a Christmas menu can be constructed that includes none of it Grin

If I'm a guest at someone else's at Christmas I just accept they won't do it my way and I shall have the pleasure of their company or I'll be at the ILs and both food and company will be grim

As a host, there is a pleasure in pulling of a successful meal by yourself and my tiny fridge, broken oven and hob that regularly blows the fuses are full to the max on Christmas Day. Offers of 'Can I bring anything' are not actually helpful - you are just frankly getting in my way and being slightly rude about my catering provision.

I'm totally happy to cater for allergies, vegetarians and a reasonable degree of food preferences but anyone announcing Christmas will be ruined without xy or z is welcome to have it at their house instead.

Sixgeese · 19/10/2015 18:06

I don't think gasps second email was rude, I would rather my guest let me know in advance of Chrismas dinner if they wouldn't eat a major part of the meal like Christmas pudding, as in my family, we all love it so much we wouldn't be automatically be producing an alternative.

What would be rude would be sitting down for the festive meal only to say to the host, just as the flaming pudding comes into the room, "Yuk, what else is there for pud?"

Babytookacupwoo · 19/10/2015 18:06

WHY WON'T YOU TELL US

Aunt Bessie Yorkshire can go On TOP of stuff. There is no way your oven is too full to shove some in

ScrambledSmegs · 19/10/2015 18:07

My DGM (professional private caterer) found a written list of required dishes for a Sunday dinner on her doormat from her bachelor neighbour. She responded at the bottom of the same note, shoved under his door -

"You'll eat what you're given and you'll be thankful for it".

He did and he was Grin

How about that for a response OP?

StealthPolarBear · 19/10/2015 18:07

Op if you don't tell us we're going to assume she asked for a small glass of tap water with her lunch.
Or maybe anything other than the raw turkey breast with 24h boiled sprouts you usually serve.

In other words - you will be unreasonable! Be warned

squoosh · 19/10/2015 18:07

Aunt Bessie would no more have a place at my table than Captain Birdseye.

Standards must be upheld!

squoosh · 19/10/2015 18:08

My Christmas table that is. I might kindly allow their presence on a dreary Monday evening in February.

StealthPolarBear · 19/10/2015 18:09

Apparently aunt Bessie is captain birdseye s aunt and uncle ben'a cousin.

squoosh · 19/10/2015 18:10

The Jolly Green Giant is the wild one in the family.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/10/2015 18:10

When I was writing my N. Ice email, I must admit I was thinking N might have a toddler who would throw the mother of all tantrums if not served with Yorkshire puddings or ice cream...

Original poster
shebird · 19/10/2015 18:10

Organic smoked salmon from a particular supplier (lovely but really expensive)
Beef or beef Wellington
A particular pudding which is an old family recipe with attached
Suggestions of Xmas puds

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 19/10/2015 18:12

I have the reputation of being a food snob in my family because I don't eat turkey at home at xmas.

It's not because I think I'm too grand for turkey. It's because it doesn't get eaten. It's not just the waste of money but I feel guilty about throwing away something that was killed for me just because no other bugger here eats leftovers.

If I go to someone else's house I'll eat turkey.

I like rib of beef but loin of pork is lovely and we've had chicken which was nice too.

All served with Yorkshires. Aunt Bessie's.

I also can strongly recommend her dumpling mix but I've never had that with xmas dinner.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/10/2015 18:12

We always have frozen peas with Christmas dinner (as one of several vegetables). Ours are usually own brand petits pois, but for all I know Captain Birdseye freezes them for the big supermarkets as well as for his child labour-staffed fleet.

TalkinPeece · 19/10/2015 18:14

Organic smoked salmon from a particular supplier (lovely but really expensive)
I'll bet they deliver : thank her for organising it and ask her to have it delivered on the 23rd Wink

Original poster
shebird · 19/10/2015 18:14

As I have said the suggestions themselves are not particularly outrageous - just the that has the balls to do so

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/10/2015 18:14

Cross post. My goodness, that does give us some material to work with.

Clearly the only possible response is to take it for granted that she's bringing these items, or some of them anyway.

limitedperiodonly · 19/10/2015 18:14

Are you sure that's the truth shebird?

Or just something you've come up with to get us all on side Wink?

limitedperiodonly · 19/10/2015 18:17

Peas are my favourite vegetable gasp. They have to be frozen. Closely followed by carrots. I would be very disappointed if they were not part of my Christmas dinner.

Wolpertinger · 19/10/2015 18:17

OK that's rather Shock

Does she give very expensive Christmas presents? Or bring lots of wine? Or contribute to the cost of the meal in any way?

I'm guessing the answer to all of the above is no.

What about: Thanks Auntie X, the smoked salmon and beef are great suggestions but sadly beyond what we can budget this year given we have so many people to cater for! We are planning to make a normal Xmas pud definitely not any of the one's on your list but it would be fabulous if you could bring the old family favourite one. Looking forward to seeing you soon xxx

Original poster
shebird · 19/10/2015 18:18

Oh ok then she wants roasted swan on a bed of baby robinsHmm

OP posts:
Oxfordblue · 19/10/2015 18:19

My MIL did this to me one Easter when I said I was cooking lamb in pomegranate molasses Grin
She told me exactly how FIL liked his lamb & I'm pretty sure sent me some recipes. Oh how I laughed.

Lamb in molasses was surprisingly tasty Wink

StealthPolarBear · 19/10/2015 18:20

Everyone knows swans need to be par boiled