To think it is rude for guests to dictate what we will eat for Christmas

[shebird]

I just had an email from someone who will be coming to us for Christams asking what I was planning on cooking for Christmas lunch. Then going on to suggest several options of things she would like to have.

This is not for dietary reasons but just purely so that they can have exactly what they would like on the day. This person as never cooked Christmas lunch before and has no idea of the cost and the work involved.

Aibu to give her the number of some local restaurants that are open Christmas Day if she wants to dictate what she would like for lunch?

But dictating what someone cooks you on Christmas Day IS rude, however you try to word it. Even the N. Ice version quoted above

I love the idea of having 'room' in the oven for Yorkshires!

There speaks someone who has never cooked a Christmas dinner for a large number of people in a small oven, I think?

If you've got a turkey big enough for 10 or more, you'll not have spare room - once the bird is out to rest, you have to put everything else in!

I'd try my best to cook what people like, but nothing irritates me more than those 'oh, Jeanne, just do x for me, it's no trouble' requests, which invariably mean 'I haven't thought this through but it was no trouble to me to ask'.

I thought it might help if I mention that we really, really love having Yorkshire puddings with our Christmas dinner. I know not everybody does so I decided I'd just mention it and I hope it's not too much bother and there will be room in the oven. Aunt Bessie's would be fine and I can bring them if it will help.

That kind of email would amuse me. The Yorkie devotion, the beseeching, the faintly apologetic tone. But most of all the dogged insistence that come hell or high water there.must.be.Yorkshire.puddings.

'Oh, those ideas sound fabulous. It is great that you will be bringing these with you, it is lovely to share the preparation of Christmas dinner isn't it? I am really looking forward to it! But don't go to too much effort, there will be plenty of vegetable peeling to go round so we can all chip in with the preparation!'

Obv I'd think you were a bit bonkers though.

Yes onion rings with Christmas dinner. Strange, but I accommodated it. Just as my partner would not want xmas pudding without brandy butter.

All the people I have round for xmas are very close to us so I would never have an issue with them asking what we are having and making suggestions, only time it would bother me would be if it was someone I really didn't like.

^^
What Driver said.

I just COULD NOT be grateful for beans on toast for Christmas lunch. I mean, come on. I am a spoiled first-world problems princess, but I would be the most ungrateful person ever if that was served to me.

[You weren't planning beans on toast for Christmas lunch, were you?]

What did she ask for? I do think there are polite requests / discussions and rude ones.

I'd be happy with beans on toast for Christmas dinner in certain, very limited circumstances:

1. Neither of us had any money and beans on toast was all we could afford.
2. No proper kitchen to cook in - e.g. recent flood, house renovation dragging on.
3. Person cooking has lots of problems and beans on toast is the only thing they can cook. If their company was really, really important to me I'd cope with having beans on toast for Christmas dinner.

In all those circumstances, though, I'd be planning another date for a proper dinner asap.

I can't imagine one single situation where those evil little sacs known as baked beans could make me happy.

Oh, beans on toast for Christmas dinner has its uses.

It is allowed when you are having the full thing in the evening.

(Actually, I could fancy beans on toast in the middle of opening presents, I think. With a nice glass of fizz, obviously. )

Well I suppose they don't get their onion rings or beetroot because they aren't cooking the dinner/recreating their own christmas experience. They are guests at someone else's house- someone who presumably is creating a particular christmas memory/experience which is different.

I might think someone who brought their own onion rings or whatever because "we always did that in our house" a bit odd but wouldn't think too much about it but I would think them rude if they called me up and asked me to make the onion rings because "we always did that in our house"

Tell her you'll do what you can (budget-allowing) and tell her if she's flush (seeing as she's not cooking for herself on the day and all that) she can bring a lovely expensive pud from M&S for all the guests.

You're right, I haven't, Jeanne, but Auntie Bessie's cook in a few minutes in a very hot oven, so I think it could be done.

I bet people who ask the host to put particular items on the menu for Christmas dinner wouldn't dream of doing that for an ordinary lunch/dinner party. Christmas dinner is special.

I just don't get the angst on here about a lot of stuff. Someone wants something you can accommodate without too much trouble, then do it.

And if you are cooking for a big group, accept whatever help is on offer.

I have to agree with others who have commented on the "beans on toast". I wouldn't be too chuffed if someone invited me and offered me that - unless of course illness/lack of electricity/cooker blowing up got in the way in which case - fine. If I invite people for Christmas (and it does mostly seem to be at our house) I do tell people that it will be turkey, just in case they were expecting goose, beef or something else. I would not expect to hear back from anyone to tell me that they wanted pork instead. However, as I said before, if they wanted to ask me if they could bring carrots because they hate parsnips, red cabbage and sprouts I would be fine with that. I wouldn't be too pleased if they asked for salmon fillet though. It's all a question of degree.

You could go with my Mother's approach to catering when we were growing up - every meal was preceded by the announcement 'Tonight we will be having Xmeal. If you don't like it you can have a piece of cheese'

If you are cooking xmas dinner for 10 people as I was, there isn't enough room in your oven for everything. You manage it with a mixture of keeping things warm on the hob, and using the grill part to keep things warm.

She is my DHs aunt, unmarried no kids and no idea of family life with kids etc. She lives abroad and so I cannot ask her to make and bring along any of her suggestions.

I'm curious, is this a family member or a friend? Not that it matters but I'm guessing a family member may feel a little more comfortable making demands. I think I'd just reply "I haven't decided exactly what I'm going to serve yet." and leave it at that, it will hopefully drive her nuts that you didn't confirm you would make the things she wants. ;)

WHAT DOES SHE WANT TO EAT???

I agree, StillUexpected, expression a preference for a veg is fine suggesting goose instead of turkey is not. Asking if they can bring a pud as not keen on Xmas pud fine. Asking you to make an extra pud rude.

KurriKurri I need to use that line on my DCs. They are ungrateful little things who always want something different to what I am cooking and always the opposite to each other. Obviously they have to have whatever I am doing but I would love it if they were just happy with that.

I am not a great cook to be fair but I never attempt fancy stuff and it is always perfectly acceptable.