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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hateful disgusting pig of a husband

264 replies

leavemealone2015 · 18/10/2015 23:37

When my h and I have a disagreement about something, or if I appeal to him to behave differently or criticise him, it seems as if it's no coincidence that he often belches or breaks wind apparently spontaneously, but publicly .. As if he is using this as a bullying tactic. Is this something bullies do? Also leaving the door open while loudly passing water but as if it is on purpose .He does other things with poor manners such as lick the lids of yoghurts and lick plates at other times.
It seems to me he is doing this intentionally?

OP posts:

Original poster

leavemealone2015 · 19/10/2015 00:35

I can't think straight I am so angry with him. I had appealed to him to behave better as he was undermining me and this was his response. And raising his voice that he can fart as much as he likes in his own home in the style of seeyou.

OP posts:

Sgtmajormummy · 19/10/2015 00:35

Answer these questions to yourself:
Do you love him?
Is he your soulmate?
Do you get along well most of the time?
Does he make you laugh?

If the answer to all of those is "yes", then it IS a windup thing.

As a married couple you probably know how to get on each other's nerves and he realises that passing wind, peeing with the door open and licking plates can really nark you off, so he does them all just to see how far he can annoy you. And I expect you know just how to get under his skin too, OP.

I advise fighting back with a sense of humour. Start a private and silent "nark button". Every time you see he's doing something to irritate you, say "NAAAAARK" like a quiz buzzer in your head! However, on the outside you're quite calm and even slightly amused. Denied your usual reaction, he's likely to stop soon.

If, on the other hand, the answer to the questions above is mostly "No", then think hard about if you want to make the effort to carry on in this relationship.

Leafitout · 19/10/2015 00:36

Is this a lately thing he's been doing? Sometimes a cheeky fart/burp slips out and in certain situations it can be funny and then move on! But he sounds like he's doing it to control you in the situation thinking that he's funny when he's clearly not. Because it's upsetting you and he knows this. Seems like he gets a kick out of doing it sad man!

Verypissedoffwife · 19/10/2015 00:38

I believe you leave .I think he IS doing it to annoy you. How could he not be? If he lives with he must know these things disgust you. They'd disgust me too.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 19/10/2015 00:39

Why do you think you can't leave sweetheart?

MerryInthechelseahotel · 19/10/2015 00:43

sgtmajor Have you been reading the same thread?

duckyneedsaclean · 19/10/2015 00:45

I fart and burp freely at home. Most people I know do tbh.

DontStopBelievin · 19/10/2015 00:46

How do you know if you're weeing too loudly? Is there a certain decibel of loudness that becomes intolerable and has to be declared a LTB situation?! I don't know how you'd stop yourself weeing 'too loudly' if you became aware of the fact, either. Maybe only allow it out in little trickles over a ten minute period or something?!
Being annoyed that he licks the yogurt pot sounds like he just irritates the fuck out of you anyway which if that's the case...... only you know how you feel overall.

Sgtmajormummy · 19/10/2015 00:50

merry Yep. Trying to be the voice of normality here.

EternalDalmatian · 19/10/2015 00:52

If he's constantly doing disgusting things that he'll know will wind you up, then that's obviously disrespectful, passive aggressive, childish etc.

However, if you have a stick so far up your arse that you so strongly object to him licking a yoghurt lid or 'loudly passing water' (I mean seriously...you have no control over the speed at which your pee splashes in the bowl FGS) then I'm tempted to wonder if he hasn't just reached his breaking point tbh.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 19/10/2015 00:52

Yes, duck but can you not envisage what OP is describing; it's not incidental and sort of 'oops'.

It's deliberate and aggressive and designed to offend.

I'm not sure how/why I understand this because i haven't experienced it.

But I can see the difference.

Verypissedoffwife · 19/10/2015 00:53

don't you know you're weeing too loudly when other members of the household can hear it too.

Original poster

leavemealone2015 · 19/10/2015 00:53

Well I think he was annoyed because I said he had undermined me in front of ds. I don't undermine him and avoid arguments in front of the DC but that means when he contradicts me and undermines me in front of ds I am left a bit helpless while ds is there as I don't want a huge row. When ds went to bed I said he had undermined me and disrespected me so that he can prove to ds he is the boss and that mum is just a nonentity whose word counts for nothing. His response was farting loudly and longly in the lounge in the chair then weeing in a close by toilet with the door completely wide open. When I told him to close the door he just started to raise his voice that he can do what he wants in his own home. As ds was still awake I had to drop it as I could tell he would be speaking at volume if he got the chance.

OP posts:

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 19/10/2015 00:55

Dontstop shutting the door to the loo might help.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 19/10/2015 00:57

Ha! See above.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 19/10/2015 00:58

Answer these questions to yourself:
Do you love him?
Is he your soulmate?
Do you get along well most of the time?
Does he make you laugh?

But sgtmajor she says she doesn't have a nice life. He behaves like this on purpose to be dominant. He disgusts her on purpose. She says she feels like he is bullying her.

GreatFuckability · 19/10/2015 00:59

well the way i see it you have 3 options

tell him how you feel, he changes, all is well
tell him how you feel, he doesn't change, you seethe about it forever more
tell him how you feel, he doesn't change, so you leave.

you can't control what he does, you can only control what you do. so if you feel you can't live with it, you must leave. why do you think you can't?

Original poster

leavemealone2015 · 19/10/2015 01:02

Yes it's difficult I guess if you haven't been there. I am quite well mannered and so is he in company. I appreciate you can relax in your own home but that doesn't mean farting as a means of communicating surely?

I know it was intentional there is no doubt in my mind. It was to put me in my place and show me who is the boss. Even if it was just thoughtless I would say it is pretty poor behaviour and shows a complete lack of self awareness and respect for everyone else but it was more than that.

OP posts:

Asteria36 · 19/10/2015 01:05

That is a disrespectful and crude way to have your feelings minimised. He isn't interested in your feelings and is clearly using these tactics to display his lack of respect for you.
To be honest, when I first opened the thread, I was thinking you were probably just being a bit precious but it is clear your h is doing these things on purpose. It is clear that he lacks respect for you, he knows you will not confront him in front of DS so he belittles you then and he then disregards your comments with boorish behaviour. He is being a bully.
Neither of you seem to have respect for each other though, is there any way that you can enter any productive dialogue with him? Would he respond to marriage counselling?
This isn't the greatest atmosphere for your DS to grow up in, he will only learn to disrespect women - and some pretty grim manners too. Is there really no way that you could get out? Even with therapy this may never resolve.

Sgtmajormummy · 19/10/2015 01:07

merry please read the last paragraph of my post again.

LittleBearPad · 19/10/2015 01:12

How is farting putting you in your place?

AcrossthePond55 · 19/10/2015 01:17

Yes, it's rude and disrespectful if it's done as a way to 'get to you'. No, I wouldn't put up with it.

Why can't you leave him? Are you afraid? Do you worry about finances?

DontStopBelievin · 19/10/2015 01:17

don't you know you're weeing too loudly when other members of the household can hear it too.

As I said, how on earth do you propose to stop that?! If you're irritated by the sound of loud weeing a closed door won't solve all your problems - it could still sound 'too loud'!
Maybe cut back on the liquids so that your water passing isn't so ferocious and just comes out in a trickle instead....

DontStopBelievin · 19/10/2015 01:19

How is farting putting you in your place?
Was just thinking the exact same thing.

Original poster

leavemealone2015 · 19/10/2015 01:23

The door definitely helps.

OP posts:

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