Hateful disgusting pig of a husband

[leavemealone2015]

When my h and I have a disagreement about something, or if I appeal to him to behave differently or criticise him, it seems as if it's no coincidence that he often belches or breaks wind apparently spontaneously, but publicly .. As if he is using this as a bullying tactic. Is this something bullies do? Also leaving the door open while loudly passing water but as if it is on purpose .He does other things with poor manners such as lick the lids of yoghurts and lick plates at other times.
It seems to me he is doing this intentionally?

He sounds pretty gross but he could just be reacting to continual criticism (can't tell if you do this or not).

Either way, this dynamic either needs to end or you need to separate and find someone with the same values about manners as you.

I understand too op

I didn't misunderstand, but regardless, your choices are still limited, are they not? I suppose you could add murder as a fourth, but that's generally frowned upon.

I don't personally think peeing with the door open is particularly dominating behavior, but you described yourself as critical in your OP, so perhaps he is acting out. No one likes to be criticized, nor is that very nice behavior.

Seeyou. That is patronising. I don't have a nice life. I do expect respect which I am not getting. I also despise someone who thinks it is acceptable to be so base.
He is, quite literally , talking through his backside.

How do you piss loudly? If we go for a pee the door is open most of the time, having wee ones running about makes it harder to get a pee on your own.

Licking yoghurt lids is fine - licking plates is definitely not.

Sounds like he does the other things to wind you up a bit. Not sure I would class it as bullying though.

Patronising? Aww diddums.

You're the one that's perceiving supposed threats because a man is farting, belching and peeing? What a bastard he is.
Stil it could be worse, he could be actually threatening you or actually hurting you.

How about you show him the common respect of not being so critical and allowing him the decency of relaxing in his own home?

Is there a way to talk to him about his behaviour making you unhappy? He sounds a bit Neanderthal.

Tbh, when a person describes their partner as a hateful disgusting pig, that relationship's dead in the water. Why can't you leave him?

See you I'm not interested in your responses or advice that I leave my dear husband to fart in front of everyone to prove he is an intelligent man in his own home. Obviously you appear to be likeminded.

You feel you can't leave him? Show him this thread, he might leave you!

That's one horrible thread title to read about yourself from your spouse. It would definitely do it for me.

It appears that you really dislike him, do yourself and him a favour and end the relationship.

I think you need to LTB

How long have you known him?

And how lucky I feel he is not actually hurting me as you say. We women should be constantly grateful when we have a man in our home who doesn't actually hurt us, shouldn't we seeyou ??

That's a bit harsh Seeyou. Op is pissed off that her grown up husbands farts and belches like a pig and she feels disrespected by it. She married a human being not a farmyard animal! No one saying he can't relax in his own home but ffs have some manners about it and go to the bathroom with the door shut and do his business

Deliberately winding someone up and behaving in an aggressively illmannered way is a strategy you expect from teenagers, not spouses. If he knows you mind, and does it when you have serious conflicts, then yes, it's low-level aggression IMO.

DH farts and pees with the door open, and I don't mind a bit, because he's a good person and I do likewise with him! It's familiarity, not spite, and there is a massive, massive difference.

And plate-licking is gross.

OP you could ask for this thread to be moved to Relationships where you could talk about your feelings towards your husband. In AIBU there are people like Seeyou who are here simply to violently and offensively disagree with you. That's their idea of fun.

OP it doesn't sound good and you sound so unhappy.Is the reason you won't leave that your afraid of him?or is it financial?

How on earth did this start, did he fart through the first date? Belch when meeting your parents? Piss with the door open on your wedding night? Did you sit back for years and now tell him you can't stand it?

Just really trying to understand, all of this would have stopped a second date let alone moving in and marriage for me unless truly accidents.

no such luck.

Does he always belch/fart loudly and piss with the door open or only after an argument?

For some people this is perfectly normal everyday behaviour in their own home but I assume this is new behaviour he wasn't displaying before you married?

Personally I don't have a problem with any of the behaviour you list BUT if my DP hated something I could easily change (it's not hard to use the door shut behind you or belch quietly) I would do so out of respect for him.

In a healthy, loving relationship your DH wouldn't want to do things that will upset you when he can easily not do them. Of course sometimes people will fart loudly or forget to close a door in front of others but it's not that inconvenient to try not to, surely?

So I would say it's certainly disrespectful behaviour (hard to say if it's bullying without seeing it) and symptomatic of wider problems in the relationship.

That said, relationships are about give and take and you should be willing to compromise too. It's not unreasonable to fart in your own home. If every time his behaviour doesn't meet your standards he is criticised I can see why he might start to resent you.

He should show you respect by trying to minimise you seeing/ hearing him piss/ fart/ belch etc by shutting doors or covering his mouth but you should also respect him by allowing him to be comfortable in his own home and accepting sometimes you will bear witness to his bodily functions.

he sounds like he has no respect for you at all

no wonder you can't stand him either, if instead of a discussion he acts like a juvenile boor to get you to STFU

why can't you leave him ?

No he is an intelligent professional man who knows how to behave in work and in public. Unless he is developing dementia I suppose but there is no other sign of it.

He is doing it intentionally to be disgusting and show me that he can.

FFS. There's normal bodily functions, and then there's behaving like a pig.

OP is offended by the behaviour of her husband.

Why can't we give her the benefit of the doubt and be sympathetic?

OP I understand how this could seems aggressive and disrespectful, and deliberately disgusting.

Apart from just leave, I have no advice as I assume he would not respond positively to requests to change.

Sorry

some of these responses are coming over as "be thankful he doesn't hit you"

what the fuck ?

It's a way of expressing contempt, rather than his normal chosen behaviour - is that it?

Huge difference between someone with different standards, and someone choosing to express absolute resentment and disgust with you in a particularly obnoxious way. Shame some posters can't see any difference, but hey ho.

Why do you say you can't leave, OP?