Hateful disgusting pig of a husband

[leavemealone2015]

When my h and I have a disagreement about something, or if I appeal to him to behave differently or criticise him, it seems as if it's no coincidence that he often belches or breaks wind apparently spontaneously, but publicly .. As if he is using this as a bullying tactic. Is this something bullies do? Also leaving the door open while loudly passing water but as if it is on purpose .He does other things with poor manners such as lick the lids of yoghurts and lick plates at other times.
It seems to me he is doing this intentionally?

Just quick update re back home. Last night got back and ds and dh were out until late in the evening from a family trip. All settled. This afternoon ds was at a friends house and I had a brilliant time on my own got my haircut and foils then pottered in town until picked up ds and his friend and took them out for food. All fine. Later tonight just as I getting ready to go to bed dh ate a chocolate dessert, ds said mm smells like chocolate, dh kept saying' mum smells did you say?' Then he had a bizarre wind - up about how 'Rolf Harris wasn't that bad' which was really annoying. He wouldn't stop going on about it I just had to go upstairs to get away. Idiot! Is he getting dementia I don't even recognise the person I married.
I started to think today where I might live. Eldest ds is coming back to live with us and the main problem is the house we live in would need to be sold and so youngest ds would therefore be uprooted from his home. Not sure if there is any way round that.it seems best to me to sell up and split funds but that does mean the house ds has lived in all his life being sold for the divorce. Realise that is where the solicitor can help.

I think there are deeply ingrained problems here. The way you speak about him and feel the need to criticise him indicates that you really don't like him much at all. His behaviour, from what you have said, indicates that he doesn't respect you at all.

What Truly said. From your description of your dh, you clearly hold contempt in your heart to come out with those words.
For him to apparently burp/fart on demand just to piss you off shows you're currently feeling the same way about each other and need to do something about it in order to survive as a couple (if that's what you want.)

dh kept saying' mum smells did you say?' Then he had a bizarre wind - up about how 'Rolf Harris wasn't that bad' which was really annoying. He wouldn't stop going on about it I just had to go upstairs to get away. Idiot! Is he getting dementia I don't even recognise the person I married.

Sorry, just seen your update. Ignore. He's obviously being a dick just for the sake of it if that's the case. The question is, what do YOU want to do about it?

You've mentioned dementia a couple of times and some of the stuff you've mentioned resonates a little ... like the sudden tendency to cough and sneeze over people, the swearing, obv the public farting ... they're all inappropriate behaviours. It could be that he's doing it to be disrespectful but there's also a (slim) chance it is caused by something else. The term for this inappropriate behaviour is disinhibition and it is caused by frontal lobe damage. Depends OP if it is a sudden change and if he's also doing it in front of people he previously wouldn't have done?

Dementia? Well its a change from Autism being bandied about I suppose.

I think when people say maybe he or she has dementia (or the likes) they really are just trying to express how they feel are about a loved ones behaviour. I doubt they actually mean they think the person has it.

Sounds like he is upping the anti as he senses you are getting to the end of the line.

I just have visions of me being in a bedsit on my own and the rest of the family laughing and joking in our family house

But you will be busy and happy in your bedsit.

Just saying that, because I would think it's best that you appear to have a good life without DH. Don't become a responsibility that your DCs have to visit - poor sad old mum. Not that you would be like that but if DexH is feeding them lies .....

Also you want your DCs to be happy and laughing wherever they are.

What were DH's parents like - it sounds like he has some long term issues

The court often makes provision for the dc's to stay in the family home until they are 18 and have finished school. You need to speak to a solicitor. Who would be seen as the main carer?

I would not be happy in a bedsit if dh has custody and would never leave before ds goes to uni if that is going to happen.

He does seem disinhibited compared to when he was young but it's just a habit I think not frontal lobe dementia. It's odd but not that odd.

Gut what makes you think that he will get custody. You need to talk to a solicitor.

Is he the main carer?

So you gave yourself a tiny taster of what life would be like on your own; quiet homecoming, tootling about town, nice little supper out w/DS. And then BOOM back to 'reality'. I know which I'd prefer.

As far as the house, we 'uprooted' our two sons and moved 200 miles away from the only home they'd known. Guess what…they not only survived, they thrived. Yes, we moved as a family unit, but the point is children are adaptable and ready to be happy wherever we plunk them. It is we, the adults, who make them feel as if they've 'lost something' when we move. I understand that moving + divorce is more unsettling, but if you're happier it will show through and DS will be happier, too.

You keep coming back to fear of losing DS as your main (only?) reason for staying. I'm not sure if it's a valid reason or an excuse to stay in a very bad situation out of fear of the unknown. Other than the one unhelpful tale told you about your friend's friend, would you feel comfortable sharing exactly why you feel this way? Maybe we could help you reason it out. Is it because of your work schedule, i.e. childcare? Do you have a MH problem that you fear would impact a judge? Is it that you fear your DH has money enough to 'bulldoze' his way in court? This seems to be your one bugaboo. I think seeing a solicitor about even this one thing to get a true legal picture would help you immensely.

I love being on my own usually and spend a lot of time alone because for some of my time off work ds is in school because of the way the shift pattern works. Nights can be a real downer though.
Saturday I was in town alone was in heaven went to a cafe had my hair done picked up ds and friend and went for food. Dh was at restaurant too and it went ok. He had also been in town all afternoon while ds at friends and I hadn't even sent a text ? What was the point?
I also spent yesterday morning alone. Then family were over then the weekend is finished and I now have two days leave with ds .
I have been thinking about where I will live and have some good ideas. We have ds and family going to live with us for a year from now. The best thing is for me to make a plan for the future . The decision is made that I want to divorce him for many reasons and it's definitely the right one. It's the timing that is needing to be mapped out.

I'm sure your conviction will only get stronger and stronger. You're right, first comes determination, then execution.

I'm a little unclear, you're saying that your son and his family (DiL? DGC?) will be moving home a year from now or they're coming home now to live with you for a year? Will their living there be a positive thing or a negative as far as your H's behaviour? If you're thinking of this as 'breathing room' I think you shouldn't depend on it. The extra 'audience' may make him behave, but it also may aggravate him and make him worse, just more privately. So make your plans for the future, just be sure you have a contingency plan to make a quicker exit than you planned for.