Hateful disgusting pig of a husband

[leavemealone2015]

When my h and I have a disagreement about something, or if I appeal to him to behave differently or criticise him, it seems as if it's no coincidence that he often belches or breaks wind apparently spontaneously, but publicly .. As if he is using this as a bullying tactic. Is this something bullies do? Also leaving the door open while loudly passing water but as if it is on purpose .He does other things with poor manners such as lick the lids of yoghurts and lick plates at other times.
It seems to me he is doing this intentionally?

Hhhhmmm, Walter Morel?

Ooh! Not Queen's post at all!!!! Hers was brilliant; "You can't break love". Very true

It was ImAll's post that was a bit off.

sorry, Queen.

Are you OK, leave?

That's ok, Pond :)

I would add though, that I should have gone on to clarify, that these young men now, his sons, have both come to their conclusions independently, and based on their experience of their father's behaviour.

At the time, I was terrified I would lose my DS. But I didn't. His father did that, all by himself

omg are you with my exh

he used to do this

so disgusting and disrespectful

grim

Bloody hell OP!

Well as others have said..he's a manipulative bully... He's playing horrible, vile, power games to gaslight you ('see you really are invalid /someone to laugh at') , treating you with contempt and in a dismissive manner.

Please really think through your options about leaving in detail, pref with good friends and a decent lawyer.

You've got a whole life ahead... It probably feels a really scary option... But I'm sure without him in it would be a lot happier in the longer term? You could have a lovely relationship with your son... It will probably be difficult in the short term.... But he will come back... Kids aren't stupid - he will see at some point how shit his dad is.

What comes across in your later posts how utterly ground down you feel by this utterly abusive, corrosive behaviour. You have given him chance upon chance to change and show you some basic respect, love and humanity.

As someone up thread said love won't break... Your son is at a difficult developmental stage... He's experimenting with different ways to be a man... I would seriously consider your OHs influence on him. Do you really want your sons to treat your future partners like this?

You deserve a chance at happiness!!

I just finished a grueller of a night shift on top of a cold and am heartened to get into bed and read these posts. The tears face was because I was moved by queens post it is a horrible horrible situation. I wanted him to leave and he wouldn't hear of it and I thought if I left the house I would just be completely left out like an outsider.
Now I have waited and wasted so much time . I am feeling a bit crap but recognise a lot of that is tiredness

Just because you haven't taken action in the past, that doesn't mean you can't take action in the future. Please don't let yourself believe that you are stuck. You aren't.

leave you deserve so much more in life, you really really do. I know sometimes it's just easier to stay in our rut, but please think about getting out. That's the first step.

Struggling today with tiredness and loneliness.

You don't have to live like this. Please consider your options.

I am not at home since Monday ds and dh are there .I am resident in work for a week long series of shifts . Will go home tomorrow. Between work , travelling and home commitments I have not kept up many friendships and have either been putting the effort in to try to improve things at home and have a happy home life or working. Our relationship mainly broke down after a specific issue but has never really recovered from that and the last few years he has got worse and worse. The last ten years have been awful.

Why don't you think you can leave OP?

Because he will bully me take everything and turn the children against me and I think ds will live with him.

Do you feel that as you do shifts which keep you away from home for a week at a time, you won't be able to look after ds, and that dh will be given custody?

When you have finished this work stint, can you think of ways round that? Maybe moving closer to work, or switching to the same job but closer to home so you don't have to 'live in'. Could any of your older children help? Does your ds have friends where he could stay overnight? (In the olden days, when I was at school, it was not hugely unusual for a child to 'board' weekly with a friend's family, due to parental work commitments. It's less usual these days, but ...)

Have you spoken to WA or a shit hot lawyer yet? The reality may be not as bleak as you think.

I hope it's exhaustion I'm feeling. Nights on top of my cold. Things will look better at the weekend. It just feels like I have been struggling and I can't fix anything now it's all wasted and I don't even think anyone would care if I wasn't here.

your last post realyl is the reason why you need to leave.

Leaving means he wont be able to bully you anymore.

It wouldn't do any harm to get yourself some legal advice - you don't have to LET him bully you.

You so can fix this and your children love you, very much - they will see him for the animal he is one day.

Oh OP, how miserable. Maybe working those shifts are making you feel more stuck though? - is there any way you can swap to a less exhausting work pattern and one that would let you see more of ds? I know you ned your financial independence but those sort of hours would really kill me

Regardless of your work situation right now, you can still work towards a future without your disgusting pig of a husband. There must be some lone parents where you work. Look around, see how they manage. Investigate different workplaces that don't require resident work or night shifts.

Please, please don't give up. Please see a solicitor and call WA. I'm sure your fears about losing your DS are unfounded. And honestly, I know material things are nice, but wouldn't you rather walk away with nothing (except DS) and build a new life in peace than stay where you are in misery? I'm not saying that would happen, but better off living in a bedsit in heaven than a mansion in hell.

Take a peek at other threads, especially the ones posted by WellWhoKnew and TheFormidableMrsC about their awful exes and their divorces. It was awful what they went through, but they are so much happier now.

I just have visions of me being in a bedsit on my own and the rest of the family laughing and joking in our family house.

My night shifts are over .

It is like time has stood still during my night shifts this week apart from looking at this thread. When I get home my brain will start working again and I shall be reading through the thread properly. Not sure what to expect but probably he will be just normal today.

You know yourself and your situation better than I do, but remember that to our 'heads', 'new' is very scary and our head's will put obstacles in the way of stepping out of what we're used to. So if you're having thoughts that the unknown future will absolutely be worse than the awful present, you are most probably dead wrong. Your children are not really going to desert you, are they? Think very carefully about them. Do you seriously think they will ignore you or cut you off? If so, then I'm sorry but you've lost them already. If not, then Mr HP (Hateful Pig) isn't going to break the connection you already have with them no matter how hard he tries.

It's not to say that there won't be loneliness. In every divorce there is separate shared time with each parent so yes, there will be times they are with him rather than you and it will probably be a bit lonely, until you establish a new life with new friends (and you will!).

Is there any way at all that you can talk to someone in RL? Someone who will listen and talk without telling you scary stories of their friend's divorces, stories that are the rare exception, not the rule. Someone who can help you list the 'pros and cons' of your marriage, somewhere you can sit quietly and think about what you want?

OP. I don't think I've ever posted on a relationships thread before, but my heart goes out to you, particularly after so many thoughtless and wilfully obtuse posts from lots of people.

Life is too short to live like this. It sounds as though staying with your husband is not stopping him from trying to turn your ds against you. And your dc are surely more likely to see and appreciate that you are more than a doormat to be disrespected if they see a new, unbullied mother who has taken a stand and taken charge of her life.

Hope you are feeling better op and being at home this weekend helps to clarify in your mind what you do and don't want (and deserve) in life.

I hope you are okay OP, it is not pleasant at all to live with a person like this.

Can you go and see a solicitor for advice, perhaps retain one for advice now in preparation to leave him- which I do hope is sooner than later but has to be when you are ready to.

The friendships you have lost, is it worth putting feelers out to reconnect to them?

I have a friend I have not seen in years.

I know her husband is controlling and abusive.

She just has not seen or accepted it.

Even though it's been years, if she tentatively touched base with me and later was honest with the truth then I would jump to support her.