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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you had good friends visiting you for the weekend

177 replies

DisappointedOne · 16/10/2015 16:43

and then your parents arranged a family lunch, would you bring the frIends along (they wouldn't know anyone else there) for the meal or would you just decline the invitation and do what you'd already planned? WIBU?

OP posts:
Mintyy · 19/10/2015 09:02

I think you should have prioritised your dd's needs over your dh and his very strange family, if you possibly could have. You were going to meet for lunch and didn't end up eating until 5.30pm. That is really miserable for your dd. Don't allow him to make her suffer like that ... you really do need to stand up for yourself more.

Sansoora · 19/10/2015 09:07

I think you should have prioritised your dd's needs over your dh and his very strange family, if you possibly could have.

How could you not? Which is why I really am convinced the OP wanted it to get as bad as it did.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 19/10/2015 09:08

You were at their house and they buggered off and left you all day? Sod that for a laugh.

Not quite. We have to stay in hotels when we go up here because nobody has room for us to stay with them. So we knew we'd be checking out at 11am and expected to be meeting up by 2pm for lunch. Instead 15/20 dropped out/went AWOL and DH kept getting phone calls saying they were "just finishing" what they were doing from 12:30pm. We delayed and delayed until we got a call at 2:30pm-ish and went the pretty way. We arrived 30 mins later to find them not there. Luckily DH had a key. He called them and they were "just leaving". It's a 20 min drive tops. They called again after about 40 mins to say they were now leaving. They turned up at about 4:30pm.

The holiday is a surprise for DH for a significant birthday. Just the 3 of us going. Hell would freeze over before I agree to go away with the inlaws.

OP posts:
Original poster
DisappointedOne · 19/10/2015 09:10

Are you out of knives yet, Sansoora?

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/10/2015 09:14

Not quite sure why the holiday as being bandied about then as it's just the three of you,

Sansoora · 19/10/2015 09:16

Look, Im really sorry Im upsetting you. But as the mum to 5 and the granny to 5 as well I just know that a hungry child needs to be fed, and that in this day and age its easy to get your hands on something for them.

And just as Im sorry Im upsetting you - Im still convinced you let it get as bad as it did so you could say your IL's lived up to your expectations of them.

You are caught up in some really bad dynamics, even with yourself, and somthing has to change.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 19/10/2015 09:17

You are caught up in some really bad dynamics, even with yourself, and somthing has to change.

I don't disagree with this.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 19/10/2015 09:18

I must admit that this doesn't add up to me. DD is 15 and hungry all the time. There is no way I would have made her wait all day for food. If necessary I would have gone out to a supermarket to buy something to keep her going. Why didn't you?

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 19/10/2015 09:19

I just know that a hungry child needs to be fed, and that in this day and age its easy to get your hands on something for them.

I don't go anywhere without snacks for DD. I didn't want her to spoil her lunch so didn't want her filling up on them, and was expecting lunch to be imminent from about 2:30pm.........

OP posts:
Original poster
DisappointedOne · 19/10/2015 09:22

I must admit that this doesn't add up to me. DD is 15 and hungry all the time. There is no way I would have made her wait all day for food. If necessary I would have gone out to a supermarket to buy something to keep her going. Why didn't you?

They live in the middle of nowhere - nearest supermarket is about 10 miles away, nearest shop in a village about 5 miles away. We were economic eating to be going out for lunch sooner than the trip would have taken (and supermarkets close at 4pm on Sundays). They've been so busy that they've not gone shopping for weeks (MIL was really embarrassed about that).

DD eats most of her food later in the day so not hard to keep her going with a few snacks, but I wanted her to eat something proper well before we did.

OP posts:
Sansoora · 19/10/2015 09:23

*You are caught up in some really bad dynamics, even with yourself, and somthing has to change.

I don't disagree with this.*

So there you are.

Look, I have no desire to hammer a young mum but maybe a few days from now you can look back on this and have a think about the goings on and your part in it on the day.

And for what its worth, your daughter could have had the snacks and a light lunch, and not just because you could have sat their and said - I had to give her a snack given you were all so late Wink

BojackHorseman · 19/10/2015 09:26

I'm another one who thinks that the OP wanted this to happen.

TendonQueen · 19/10/2015 09:28

So this is the same bloke who was a complete arse about your birthday? That's answered the 'is it dyed in the wool behaviour' question for me. It is. I would not stick around for any more of this. Don't kid yourself you're doing the best for your DD by giving him one last chance. Yesterday showed her that you and she are less important than him and his stupid family. Don't ever give her that message again.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/10/2015 09:30

What happened on the ops birthday?

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 19/10/2015 09:31

I did give her a snack - I'm not an idiot.

(A light lunch would then have led onto having to stop again later for food for her = even longer and more expense for us. Like I said, the inlaws aren't affected by their own fecklessness, we are.)

OP posts:
Sansoora · 19/10/2015 09:32

They live in the middle of nowhere - nearest supermarket is about 10 miles away, nearest shop in a village about 5 miles away.

I would have done the trip, and I know my kids would have as well. Granted we would have said something like - 'feck this for a game of soldiers' once we realised it had to be done, but we would have done it.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 19/10/2015 09:33

Have a big fat shiny medal then.

OP posts:
Sansoora · 19/10/2015 09:35

(A light lunch would then have led onto having to stop again later for food for her = even longer and more expense for us. Like I said, the inlaws aren't affected by their own fecklessness, we are.)

Look, Im sorry, but you really are coming across as being determined there was no solution to your daughter being hungry. A child is hungry - you feed them.

Only1scoop · 19/10/2015 09:35

And you have one yourself Op

Martyr of the weekend

Sansoora · 19/10/2015 09:35

Have a big fat shiny medal then.

Thank you. I dont mind if I do.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 19/10/2015 09:36

Look, Im sorry, but you really are coming across as being determined there was no solution to your daughter being hungry. A child is hungry - you feed them.

Where did I say I'd left her hungry?!

OP posts:
TendonQueen · 19/10/2015 09:39

the birthday, suffice it to say he was a totally shit husband and behaved unacceptably.

The only way people like this change, OP, is when you refuse to take on the consequences of their poor behaviour. That means saying 'We'll go down to the carvery at 2 and see you there' and then if they're late, they're late, but you're eating and that problem at least is solved. Although I think you could solve the lot at a stroke by getting out of the whole mess.

Sansoora · 19/10/2015 09:41

You made it very clear pages ago that none of you had eaten since breakfast, so if none you were hungry then why make such a song and dance of eating so late?

You are not heating what you want to hear and your defensiveness, as well as down right nastiness, is a clear indication that some of the posters have struck a nerve with you.

So before I nip out to the hairdressers I'll just say once more - I have no wish to upset a young mum but Im convinced the other day panned out exactly as you wanted it to.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 19/10/2015 09:43

You made it very clear pages ago that none of you had eaten since breakfast, so if none you were hungry then why make such a song and dance of eating so late?

WTF? We were STARVING!

OP posts:
ThatsDissapointing · 19/10/2015 09:53

A 5 mile drive to a shop wouldn't have taken long. Confused

Anyway, as I said earlier, your problem is your DH. I wouldn't be hanging around with someone who calls me a cunt and who tells me to fuck off. What his family were like would be of no importance.