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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you had good friends visiting you for the weekend

177 replies

DisappointedOne · 16/10/2015 16:43

and then your parents arranged a family lunch, would you bring the frIends along (they wouldn't know anyone else there) for the meal or would you just decline the invitation and do what you'd already planned? WIBU?

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 16/10/2015 17:12

Decline the invitation. Their problem for jumping the gun and inviting people without discussion.

The sad face is probably because of the thought of looking for a last-minute table for 20, no?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 16/10/2015 17:13

I'm not getting why you are cross. It's not the situation in your opening post; you are on a rare visit to dh home town. Pil want to see you. Bil wants to see you. Unfortunately it coincideds with friends staying but they'd rather see you then not.

I don't get the sad face and problem.

Katarzyna79 · 16/10/2015 17:15

I think it depends what is considered normal in your household. in my house I can take a stranger any one of you here and my mother would have been delighted the more the merrier, strangers don't make her feel awkward and my siblings and dad don't care either. as for food theres never a shortage either.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 16/10/2015 17:18

My views on the outlaws have been well documented. I'm just not up for the stress that having everyone in one place brings. Hence the quick cuppa option. We need to get home as DD has school the next day, it's a horrible drive and I'd rather just keep it all simple. Now it's all complicated, we won't get to chat to anyone properly (because we'll be sat around the table with lots of small children) and we probably won't be able to leave till gone 5 when every other fucker is on the road. And then there will be "outsiders" to deal with as well.

OP posts:
AnnaMarlowe · 16/10/2015 17:25

I get why you are irritated about a quick cuppa turning into a big meal but I'n bit sure why you think you'll have to 'deal' with 'outsiders'.

If there's 20 of you you can safely ignore them if you choose without anyone noticing. But they might be lovely.

unicorn501 · 16/10/2015 17:31

I don't understand why the other people are the problem. Surely the problem is you don't want to go for a meal? In which case just stick to the quick cuppa.

OnlyLovers · 16/10/2015 17:32

The cuppa isn't happening now; it's been supplanted by the mass meal plan.

Queenbean · 16/10/2015 17:34

I'm not getting why you are cross. It's not the situation in your opening post; you are on a rare visit to dh home town. Pil want to see you. Bil wants to see you. Unfortunately it coincideds with friends staying but they'd rather see you then not.

Totally agree with this

TheExMotherInLaw · 16/10/2015 17:35

I fucking hate reverses!
*ignores question

Madmog · 16/10/2015 17:37

How about explaining to pil that you want to be back reasonably early to settle DD for a good nights sleep, so you'd rather not do the meal on this occasion and ask if a cuppa would still be okay (as that was the original suggestion), saying you'll arrive as early as needed before pil sets off for meal.

What does DH want to do?

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 16/10/2015 17:39

But the friends aren't the issue are they? It's the morphing of the quick cuppa into a huge meal.

This would piss me off too. Hence I would never suggest a quick cuppa to my PILs - they are simply incapable of doing something so straightforward Grin

But can't you say you can't stay for a full meal? Suggest you'll pop along for a drink with them and then you'll have to leave?

unicorn501 · 16/10/2015 17:40

What Madmog said. "ooh, a meal sounds lovely, but DD has school on Monday so we really need to leave by X o'clock. How about we just meet you for a drink/cuppa instead?"

And get DH to do it, they're his parents!

kissmethere · 16/10/2015 17:49

Decline. You have visitors, it doesn't work, simple. Are you afraid to decline? Will there be a problem?

Jux · 16/10/2015 17:51

I'd take friends to a family do. My family are incredibly nice and welcoming and warm, and it wouldn't be the first time 'strangers' have broken bread with the lot of us. It might be a bit daunting because there are a lot of us and we are noisy but it's also more likely you'll find people you like because of the numbers.

kissmethere · 16/10/2015 17:53

God sorry your reverse has scrambled by pov, it's been a long week, why did you do a reverse?

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 16/10/2015 17:56

I've already answered that.

OP posts:
SushiAndTheBanshees · 16/10/2015 18:17

Why don't you all just go to the pub?

TheOriginalMerylStrop · 16/10/2015 18:29

Yes, just all go for a carvery or nice pub.

Or say, no can do to the meal, need to be away by 3.30.

Seems to me your OP isn't relevant as the PILs haven't organised a meal, seem to be asking you to!

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 16/10/2015 18:31

Not many decent carveries/nice pubs have room for 20 with less than48 hours notice.

OP posts:
ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 16/10/2015 18:36

You want to go for a cup of tea, they suggested a meal for 20? Then why didn't you say no thanks?
I never understand people who go along with whatever situation arises, don't say a word, and then rant on here about being forced to do stuff. Try NO.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 16/10/2015 18:37

Good thinking!

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 16/10/2015 18:42

Not really sure what the point was in asking the question. Some people will just think 'the more the merrier' and wouldn't mind, and other people wouldn't like the extras tagging along. And what does how other people feel about it have to do with your own personal feelings?

But actually, the extra people isn't the problem, is it? It's the upgrade from afternoon tea, to dinner - and the later set-off time that's really the problem.

So the original question is irrelevant anyway...

HackAttack · 16/10/2015 18:49

All of your posts lately have been quite self pitying. You do appear to be having a hard time but you need to stand up for yourself. If you don't want to go, just say no, simple. If your husband doesn't back you up, refuse to go at all.

Nothing will change if you do nothing.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 16/10/2015 19:03

That's true. Watch out of fireworks in the north this weekend!

OP posts:
Original poster
DisappointedOne · 16/10/2015 19:04

*for, not of

OP posts: