to think mixing up your food on a plate is bad manners?

[Moonatic]

This is dh I'm talking about. Made a pastry-topped chicken and leek pie at the weekend. Served with sweetcorn and carrots. Before eating it, he cut his whole serving into small pieces (size of a penny), then mixed it up. I got really annoyed, as dis the kids and asked him not to eat that way, because it was really bad manners. He said it wasn't. Who is right?

To add: this was just one example. If it's mixable, it gets mixed up. Cottage pie, fish pie, lasagne, pasta, curry and rice - it all turns into a big plate of mush.

There is also a sub-question: is it rude to cut your food into small pieces before eating it? By which I mean, cutting everything into small bite size pieces before starting to eat. Again, I say it is, dh says it isn't. (This is what he does with food that is less easily mushed up - e.g. something like chops, new potatoes and vegetables.

I just looked at a few links and am staggered by how many rules there seems to be to eating. I've always just eaten food how I like it, so sometimes I will eat American style and others Continental. I try not to make a mess or use my fingers if I am eating out, or at a dinner party, and mind my manners when it comes to speaking with my mouth full or elbows on the table, but otherwise I mainly just focus on how nice the food is.

I mix and scoop meals that are more liquid, and cut and spear foods that are more solid, that just feels naturally the easiest way to eat. At home I might cut up solid meals if I am reading while I eat, so I can read and eat without having to switch between the two.

I'd never considered it rude, is it some innate sense of correctness that people simply pick up, or is it supposed to be something parents teach their children? I say that because it's probably really obvious social behaviour, which I wouldn't have seen myself as I have Aspergers. I've probably pissed off loads of people if this is something accepted as the norm.

Oh dear. We are a house of plate lickers....also, when I was a nipper there would usually be bread and butter on the table. We would generally eat some of our dinner, then mix it up a bit (particularly if it included mash) and then make it into a sarnie.

You probably would have had kittens if you'd seen us

I think as long as he refrains if you go to a fancy-pants eaterie you could cut him a bit of slack. Or make him eat in the kitchen

Table manners are a social convention to make it easier for large groups of people to eat together.

We have knives and wine glasses on the right because these are the most dangerous implements, most people have a dominant right hand, and this means fewer accidents with sharp things (no citation for this, but it's the thinking behind it). When seated around or along a table, if everyone reaches for the wine glass on their right, there is no odd clashing where people try to take the same glass. The same goes for bread on the left, nobody ends up in a bun fight, and again for knives right/forks left, so you don't have two people next to each other bashing elbows as they try to saw their steak. We pass butter because nobody wants someone else leaning over (and dropping flakes of themselves) into their food. We close our mouths when chewing because those around you don't want to see your mashed up food swilling around. We don't speak with mouths full to avoid spitting on others. And so on.

When trying to decide the correct way to behave at a table, it's helpful to think "What will cause the least problem for others trying to eat?".

I think you should blend his food for him when you plate it up and then serve it in a bowl like this

If nature intended us to eat our food mashed up into a puree we wouldn't have teeth...

ouryve how does breaking off a piece of bread with your fingers and buttering just that piece make mealtimes any more pleasant for people than using a knife to cut the roll tidily in half and then buttering the whole thing?...Why is the "polite" way of consuming a bread roll with your meal any more pleasant for other people than the supposedly unacceptable way?

1. In formal dining, we don't put big lumps of food into our mouths, take a small bite, then put the remaining lump back on the plate. This applies to everything from bread rolls and steaks. Nobody wants to see something that's been in your mouth put back down for later eating. So, food is brought to the mouth in bite sized pieces.
2. Buttering your roll before moving a bite sized piece to your mouth will mean you get butter all the place. So, you butter each piece as you go.

Mashing up your food is rude. Especially if someone has gone to the effort of making a pie which is a pretty long winded pain in the arse sort of thing to make.

I still remember when I was having a crappy time about 8 years ago and 2 of my friends turned up and made me a meal, it was a home made chicken pie. You know someone loves you when they make you a pie.

Of course all posters who are disgusted/nauseous/offended/pissed off/outraged over this issue could always take themselves somewhere else to eat, being as they own the problem an' all

That's ridiculous, Shakey. If someone is eating in a disgusting fashion, why on earth should everyone else go elsewhere rather than the disgusting person just being more considerate?

It's not like being annoyed by something someone can't help, like how they breathe. It's something that person is choosing to do, even though everyone at the table has said it's unpleasant - and they have right on their side according to basic manners.

Of course all posters who are disgusted/nauseous/offended/pissed off/outraged over this issue could always take themselves somewhere else to eat, being as they own the problem an' all

Not a problem for me. I've had the good sense not to be shackled to a giant toddler who feels the need to mix their food into a swill.

seek but "disgusting fashion" is subjective isn't it? If I went round to OP's house for dinner, it wouldn't bother me or her DH how he ate. If someone is disgusted then they should remove themselves imo, rather than dictate how others should eat.

squoosh Quite. If it's such a problem then complete removal preferable. If this has been known, they why be in a relationship with that person?

Or perhaps it's no more than a niggle really and not worth it.

Why are some people so offended by how people choose to eat?

Christ alive, who has the energy to give a shit about this kind of thing

If someone is disgusted then they should remove themselves imo, rather than dictate how others should eat.

I agree. I feel Stephen Fry said something relevant to this

"It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what."

I don't understand why it is disgusting? Improper and bad etiquette I get, and that serving food in a pretty manner is more appetising to the eye, but it all goes in the mouth and gets mushed up any way, so maybe mixers just find it easier.

I'm not sure why some people are having such a visceral reaction to food on another person's plate. I see people eating stuff I find disgusting to eat and it doesn't make me feel the same way, so I am guessing it's the appearance? If the meal was a fairly well mixed food from serving, would you have the same reaction? (I'm honestly interested, not judging)

I find it improves my digestion, to cut food up small before I put it in my mouth, I probably eat too quickly, but that is generally because I am the one who cooked, and will clean, whilst also assisting the children with their meal and dealing with anything else that may happen.

I have some sensory issues with food, mostly little rules in my head about how certain foods can be mixed, and others mustn't be touching or even eaten together at the same time, how many colours are on the plate, what texture the foods are etc, so it's interesting to see that others have some similar irrational issues with food. Mine have never gone any further than my own plate though, it's only my own food that bothers me, so it's something I'm trying to understand.

Or perhaps it's no more than a niggle really and not worth it.

Or perhaps the irritation has steadily built and at this stage it's really boiling her piss?

Because sometimes, the way other people choose to eat pisses all over the effort of a host who may have carefully designed and cooked a meal intended to be savoured as individual components which complement and contribute to the meal as a whole.

Why are some people so offended by how people choose to eat?

Because some people eat like pigs at a trough.

How exactly did you serve the pie "attractively", op?

Maid who cares how it was "intended" to be eaten? Once you serve the food your input ends. Who knew some people had such control issues around food..

Because sometimes, the way other people choose to eat pisses all over the effort of a host who may have carefully designed and cooked a meal intended to be savoured as individual components which complement and contribute to the meal as a whole

I'm sorry, but that is total overthinking to me. The end result is that the food is eaten and appreciated. The "mixer" is eating it in a way they feel comfortable. How they are going to enjoy it the most. Is that not compliment enough?

Reading all these posts, I think mealtimes must be mentally exhausting, feeling xyz about how someone else is eating.

FanFuckingTastic - I assume that you cut a tiny piece of the food, eat it, and then cut another bit - that's very different to chopping it all up into small pieces and mixing it up on your plate, and is a perfectly polite way to eat, imo.

As I said earlier - what I can't understand is how someone who mushes their food into an amorphous pile of baby food can appreciate the different tastes and textures - and isn't that part of the pleasure of eating?

I can't watch Operation Ouch when I'm eating my dinner. I couldn't watch a man shovel into his mouth what looks like vomit when I'm eating my dinner. The two aren't that different.

Maid I cook for other people all the time (I love hosting dinners, cooking for other people etc etc) and I couldn't give a flying fuck how people choose to eat the food I cook them, as long as they enjoy it.

Has he got some sort of food phobia at all? The cutting and mushing sounds a bit like he can't handle textures.

I'm not sure it's what I'd call bad manners to do what he does, but I'd definitely want to know why he does it like that. Has he got a choking phobia
Maybe?

It depends on what I am eating as to how it's cut. Some things are okay to eats small bites cut each time, but then others it's fine to just cut up smaller and mix the foods together. Some of that is the irrational rules, and others is about whether the food would taste nicer alone or together.

Some meals I start Continental style to eat the yummy on their own stuff, and then go American with the rest because it's nicer like that. Some meals I have to follow my internal rules or I can't eat.

I mind my manners in company and don't do any of this then, I make sure I don't order any of my issue foods so that it doesn't become a problem about my rules versus proper behaviour.

But at home, the food is good, but it's about enjoying it and fueling my body, so I eat it how I like it, and everyone else does the same. My mum is strictly Continental (bit at a time), but she doesn't get upset with anyone else who prefers the American style (cut it all up and mix).

So the idea of it being disgusting is worrying me, that I may be unintentionally offending someone, or embarrassing myself in public with my poor manners. Hence wanting to understand the motivation and reasoning behind the feeling. I had no idea there were so many rules for formal meals, I knew about cutlery, and eating tidily, but not about other stuff. I always forget which way to hold cutlery, and have always found the correct way (when reminded) doesn't feel right, I feel weird bringing food to my mouth with my left hand.