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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think mixing up your food on a plate is bad manners?

292 replies

Moonatic · 14/10/2015 21:15

This is dh I'm talking about. Made a pastry-topped chicken and leek pie at the weekend. Served with sweetcorn and carrots. Before eating it, he cut his whole serving into small pieces (size of a penny), then mixed it up. I got really annoyed, as dis the kids and asked him not to eat that way, because it was really bad manners. He said it wasn't. Who is right?

To add: this was just one example. If it's mixable, it gets mixed up. Cottage pie, fish pie, lasagne, pasta, curry and rice - it all turns into a big plate of mush.

There is also a sub-question: is it rude to cut your food into small pieces before eating it? By which I mean, cutting everything into small bite size pieces before starting to eat. Again, I say it is, dh says it isn't. (This is what he does with food that is less easily mushed up - e.g. something like chops, new potatoes and vegetables.

OP posts:
apinchofsugar · 15/10/2015 13:28

You teach manners to your children to make sure they will fit in any kind of social gathering and will be at ease with everybody. I want my children to be comfortable in a very formal diner or in a burger joint with friends. You don't overthink anything, it's as natural as holding a door for someone and not slamming it in their face!

If you think that is is all nonsense, then be consistent: don't complain if people are rude to you, never say please, thank you, or if a diner guest tells you that the food you cook is disgusting and refuses to eat it.

It does matter in a work environment. There are many companies where people considered for promotion are taken for lunch by the bosses. No table manner means no promotion: you don't want someone to misbehave in front of important clients, do you? It doesn't really matter if you use the wrong fork, but you expect people to be able to handle themselves in a civilised fashion.

MaidOfStars · 15/10/2015 13:30

Maid who cares how it was "intended" to be eaten?

The host.

In my opinion, part of being a good guest is dutiful appreciation of the host's efforts. That precludes mashing together all the food into a homogeneous mess. Again, my opinion.

maybebabybee · 15/10/2015 13:34

frankly as a host the only thing I give a stuff about is that they eat and enjoy my food and they don't leave the toilet seat up.

squoosh · 15/10/2015 13:36

Whereas I couldn't care less about the toilet seat.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 15/10/2015 13:37

Fan I really don't think you have anything to worry about. What people are finding disgusting is the mushing up of food into a pile of something that looks like it's already been regurgitated based on the Ops description. Although lots of people apparently like to think objecting to that is just the same as having a million little rules about how to hold your fork, use your soup spoon and so on, it really isn't the same.

reni2 · 15/10/2015 13:37

I think it is bad manners, but it would be equally bad manners to say something about it. Since it is your dh you can say something and since you are at home he can of course eat like this.

Not sure I'd ever have gone on a second date with someone first making steak and kidney purée and then shovelling it in, but then IA totally U when it comes to table manners, I would only serve stuff that is liquid or mushed already for the one weekly family meal you have. Sushi might work, too.

MaidOfStars · 15/10/2015 13:38

frankly as a host the only thing I give a stuff about is that they eat and enjoy my food and they don't leave the toilet seat up

Fine. But as your guest, I wouldn't presume to know what you, the host, cares about.

BetLynchsBeehive · 15/10/2015 13:51

It's not on to tell an adult how to behave but it's the presence of children that makes these situations less clear. I'd mention it in terms of giving a good example so that they can go out in the world and pass in any company.

If he can't see that and get on board then it's up to you to train them up (gently)! It does take years ime.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/10/2015 13:52

I would find watching someone else turn a plateful of appetising food into an unappetising mush, and then eating it, really offputting to watch. I'd go so far as to say that it would definitely lessen my enjoyment of the meal, and I'd find it a bit sickening.

Since it seems that quite a lot of people feel similarly, then surely it is bad manners to do something that affects other people's enjoyment of their meal so much?

And yes, if I have spent time, effort and energy making a lovely meal, I would be cross if it was turned into baby food - unless it was then going to be fed to a baby, or to someone with health issues that required mushy food.

FanFuckingTastic · 15/10/2015 13:54

I do mix some food like that CantSleep.

Mince and tatties for example, it's minced beef in gravy and mashed potatoes. Some people cook the vegetables in the beef and gravy and some don't. I like my veg/mash with the gravy, so I mix it up. I also like my mince cooked with brown sauce added to the gravy, so if it's not (to suit the taste of everyone) I add some and mix it in to suit myself.

But I can eat a roast dinner a mouthful at a time, because I can add the gravy everywhere I like it.

With pasta dishes, I often just cut it up into tiny pieces before I serve it, as I find it easier to eat, but if it's been added separately to the play, I will mix it, then cut it until it's all mixed and small. Same with rice dishes if they are served with a meat in sauce/gravy. Veg I will mix in to the sauce with the meat if it is separate before I cut it up.

I had no idea it was frowned upon or improper, except that it wasn't right to do it at a restaurant or in company.

ItIsHowItIsx · 15/10/2015 14:11

I am with you Moonatic! Dh does is as well and I HATE it! Puts me off my food watching him chop his up and mix it together. It is bad manners.

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 15/10/2015 14:51

Lol at using Stephen Fry to justify the idea that people with decent table manners should fuck off! For one thing, I have a feeling he was talking about 'being offended' in relation to serious statements with some import, rather than the right to eat like a toddler... and for another, I have an even stronger feeling that Fry of all people was brought up not to mush his food up and would not be impressed by anyone who did!

TaliZorah · 15/10/2015 15:16

frankly as a host the only thing I give a stuff about is that they eat and enjoy my food and they don't leave the toilet seat up.

Me too.

The point remains that just because you personally find something "offensive" seek doesn't give you the right to insist people stop doing it. Your use of emotive language to whine about people mixing food is rather childish

lottiegarbanzo · 15/10/2015 15:27

'Taking offense' and 'being disgusted' are not the same thing.

TaliZorah · 15/10/2015 15:40

The people whinging clearly are offended though

squoosh · 15/10/2015 15:43

You're doing a fair amount of whinging yourself.

DamnBamboo · 15/10/2015 15:54

Oh dear. We are a house of plate lickers

^
Absolutely disgusting!!!

OP YANBU and basic etiquette, and indeed good manners appear to allude many posters on here.

DamnBamboo · 15/10/2015 15:55

Elude FFS!

HorseyCool · 15/10/2015 15:57

I get really fecked off when my DH mashes everything into his mash potato.

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 15/10/2015 15:57

I've never had to eat near anyone (over the age of two, anyway) who would do this, Tali, but I feel for the OP and take issue with the posters telling her she should be glad he's eating it (as if he is indeed two!) or she should go away. It is a disgusting way to behave around food, though, and indisputably terrible table manners.

I'm not the one who used the term 'offensive' or 'being offended' - though I guess I would feel a bit offended if I made someone a meal and they did that to it.

I do feel sorry for the OP having to watch that and then see posters telling her she's the one with the issue, and I don't think she is being unreasonable - as for 'insisting people stop doing it': well, I definitely wouldn't put up with it from my children. Anyone outside the family, I wouldn't say anything, but I know what we'd all be thinking and whether they'd be invited again. Grin

DamnBamboo · 15/10/2015 15:58

FWIW, I would never say this to a guest who may choose to eat this way, but it would really irritate me.

I would also not have gone on a second date with someone who did this, if indeed it became apparent early on.

SistersOfPercy · 15/10/2015 15:59

Not RTFT in full yet, but I'm a sprout masher. DH and kids look on in disgust as I happily make sprout mash. I bloody love it (I realise this alone is probably good cause for DH to file for divorce). Blush
In my defence, I don't sprout mash in company or when eating out.

TaliZorah · 15/10/2015 16:01

seek why is it disgusting and bad manners? I'd be more concerned that anyone I cooked for had enjoyed themselves and their food. I'd be mortified of someone felt they had to be mindful of their eating and ate in a way they don't prefer for fear of offending me.

I think some people have sticks up their asses!

TaliZorah · 15/10/2015 16:02

I would also not have gone on a second date with someone who did this, if indeed it became apparent early on

Do people pick partners on food preferences? Hmm

MarianneSolong · 15/10/2015 16:05

I think people may pick partners on food preferences.

I went out on a single occasion - with somebody who ate extraordinarily quickly. The food just disappeared. And though he was an interesting person, I just couldn't see myself ever going out for meals or sitting at home eating together with this person. It's because there was something oddly desperate about the way he ate. Rather than it being about chatting and eating in a more measured way.