to think mixing up your food on a plate is bad manners?

[Moonatic]

This is dh I'm talking about. Made a pastry-topped chicken and leek pie at the weekend. Served with sweetcorn and carrots. Before eating it, he cut his whole serving into small pieces (size of a penny), then mixed it up. I got really annoyed, as dis the kids and asked him not to eat that way, because it was really bad manners. He said it wasn't. Who is right?

To add: this was just one example. If it's mixable, it gets mixed up. Cottage pie, fish pie, lasagne, pasta, curry and rice - it all turns into a big plate of mush.

There is also a sub-question: is it rude to cut your food into small pieces before eating it? By which I mean, cutting everything into small bite size pieces before starting to eat. Again, I say it is, dh says it isn't. (This is what he does with food that is less easily mushed up - e.g. something like chops, new potatoes and vegetables.

This is not about food preferences!
Not sure anyone has discussed food preferences at all. I don't care if someone likes a food I don't! That's up to them.

It's about basic manners and if someone did something that irritated me immensely, why would I continually subject myself to it.

Swirling up your food and eating with a fork would drive me nuts if I'd taken the time to cook a nice meal and present it nicely. It would put me right off my own food, looking at someone shoveling in a plate of mush with a fork.

Clearly it doesn't bother everyone but it does me.

Well yes. People have all sorts of criteria when picking partners. If they don't like their table manners, don't like their taste in music, don't like the way they dance.......

Saves on homicidal thoughts further down the line I find.

But I'm sure the holier than though brigade will be along to say all they required was a reference of good character from their vicar.

And if someone licked their plate in front of me, I don't think I could disguise my shock or disgust.

Fortunately, I've never seen it happen in anybody aged over 3 (and yes I realise there are worse things in the world!!)

If I saw someone licking their plate, I wouldn't say anything, but I'd have to look somewhere else lest my own meal make a bid for freedom. Urghh.
Mopping it with a chunk of bread however, fine.

I'd be mortified of someone felt they had to be mindful of their eating and ate in a way they don't prefer for fear of offending me

Fortunately, the kind of guest who takes care not to pulp their food in company is probably polite enough to not inform the host that they didn't enjoy not doing it.

Do people pick partners on food preferences?

I pick partners based on perceptions of their maturity, sophistication and ability to behave appropriately in a given situation.

Now, we clearly disagree on what constitutes appropriate behaviour, and we may disagree about how important "sophistication" is, whatever.

But I don't like it, I don't think it represents the kinds of qualities I'd like in a partner. Thus, it may well put me off them.

It doesn't bother you. We get it.

I must be more laid back than you lot, I just can't get upset about eating habits

I just can't get upset about eating habits

I bet that's not true. You just aren't upset about this eating habit.

Laid back?

Ummmm. No, you don't sound laid back.

What if somebody decided to just lean over and eat their food directly from their plate with their mouth?
Would some consider that ok?
At what point would those who can't see any problem with the way anybody may choose to eat start to think

What if somebody decided to just lean over and eat their food directly from their plate with their mouth?

Indeed. My suggestion was going to involve picking up fistfuls and extruding it directly into an upturned and open mouth.

MaidofStars

I'd left this thread after my imput in a shrug shoulder/agree to disagree manner. But with the greatest of respect, what the heck does- Fortunately, the kind of guest who takes care not to pulp their food in company is probably polite enough to not inform the host that they didn't enjoy not doing it mean??? I've read it a couple of times and can't make head nor tail

It's disgusting in the way that food slops in a bin are disgusting: for the same reason that when you eat out somewhere nice, they don't scrape the plates at the table; for the same reason that most of us don't find baby food appetising. Remember the most yucky moment in Jamie's School Dinners, when he put the turkey twizzler in a blender? Pie and pastry and vegetable churned up to make sludge is not nice to look at.

It's bad manners because: a) the resulting mess isn't nice for anyone else to look at; b) it doesn't show much appreciation for the meal you've been served just to want to shovel it down in gobfuls; c) if you know people find something unpleasant, the polite thing is to stop it.

I wouldn't judge anyone for picking up the wrong fork, or even tucking their napkin into their collar - those are just things you know or don't, and not unpleasant to have to watch. But if someone did that to their food then yes, I'd know I didn't want a second date with them because I would a) not enjoy my own food as much with that to watch and b) think they were bloody peculiar.

OP, YANBU.

Aesthetics plays a large role in appetite and enjoyment of meals -- otherwise why not puree all of our nutrition and drink it? Seeing a mushed-up plate of food can be nauseating to people and it's rude to do something that will make others uncomfortable.

As I've heard it put somewhat crassly: You don't want to prematurely make the food look like what it will end up as sooner or later. Other conventions like only tearing off a piece of roll and buttering one mouthful at a time developed because it's rude to act as if gobbling the food were the prime consideration when you are having a social meal with others. Taking your time, mouthful by mouthful, and eating daintily rather than as efficiently as possible, shows that you value linger with the people you are eating with more than the act of shoveling in the food itself.

I'm a big Miss Manners fan and as she says, when you are alone do what you like. When you dine with others, you owe them the courtesy of displaying decent table manners. I cannot imagine staying married to or sleeping with someone who disrespected me so much that he'd insist on eating like a pig at a trough despite knowing it bothers me.

For most adults there is a strong visual part of eating. You see this taken to extreme in fine dining, where the arrangement of food on the plate is key to the dish. Even more in more informal settings, cooks think about appearance. So a meal of white fish, boiled cauliflower, mashed potato would be unappealing. But white fish, green peas and new potatoes in their skins would be more attractive.

Purees are associated with infant food and the very old. People who can't really chew or who may have difficulty swallowing. (On their way in or on their way out you might say.)

So for a healthy mature adult to turn their meal into a puree is a bit like turning up for a meal wearing a nappy. (And why not? If they find it easier not to have to use the toilet, why should anyone else start being all judgmental?)

The only eating related thing that annoys me is eating smelly food in enclosed spaces. Otherwise I just don't care.

I think some things are objectively bad manners like picking up fistfuls of food however I wouldn't care if someone did it. Oh well

Hmmm, mixing the curry or pasta and sauce together yes it's ok, but cutting up a dinner and mixing it altogether like toddler food seems a bit odd IMHO.
I would annoy me too, seems a bit childlike (I'd hate to take him to a dinner party thinking he'd do it, but that's just my opinion).

Tali so I someone ate their dinner directly from their plate, because they wanted to .. you wouldn't care.. at all?

I am having trouble believing this to be honest.

if someone

damn I probably wouldn't even notice because I'd be eating mine. My main concern is my friends enjoy their food and their time, I really don't care how they choose to eat it. It's a massive non issue

I probably wouldn't even notice because I'd be eating mine

Rubbish! Even a non-judgemental person wouldn't fail to notice an act like this at a dinner table.

damn I've never seen anyone do it so I'm only guessing, I just don't usually notice things like if my guest mashes food or uses the wrong girl or whatever little things wind people up. I've never noticed.

Shakey Fortunately, the kind of guest who takes care not to pulp their food in company is probably polite enough to not inform the host that they didn't enjoy not doing it

Hah ha, yeah, I've just read it back as if I'd not seen it before and there are a lot of negatives there!

Tali suggested that she'd be mortified if a guest had to watch how they eat for fear of offending the host.

I replied with gobbledegook. What I meant was that she'd be unlikely to ever know that her guest was watching how they ate for fear of offending her, because the kind of guest who watches how they eat so they don't cause offence is also likely to to be the kind of guest who refrains from being rude enough to say to their host "I had to watch how I eat in case I offended you. I didn't really enjoy doing that".

Does that make more sense?

I would hate to see food reduced to homogeneous mush by an adult. I like eating out though so I think I probably wouldn't have married someone who did this as I think it would put me off my own food.
I'd say more uncivilised than bad manners. It's a bit like a pig in a trough.
Mixing some curry with some rice is fair enough, some cultures pour curry on top of a mound of rice. I think if my husband did this I'd put the rice in a bowl and pour the curry on top.
It seems odd to be moaning about it long after you've married him though. If he wouldn't change when he was trying to impress you he won't now.

If what you are doing is upsetting the people around you, then it is bad manners to continue doing it.

I split up with a boyfriend in part because of his appalling eating habits. No concept of personal space and ate loudly very close to me. Wouldn't have cared whether he cut his food into pretty shapes or whatever as long as he didn't practically sit in my lap to eat.