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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think mixing up your food on a plate is bad manners?

292 replies

Moonatic · 14/10/2015 21:15

This is dh I'm talking about. Made a pastry-topped chicken and leek pie at the weekend. Served with sweetcorn and carrots. Before eating it, he cut his whole serving into small pieces (size of a penny), then mixed it up. I got really annoyed, as dis the kids and asked him not to eat that way, because it was really bad manners. He said it wasn't. Who is right?

To add: this was just one example. If it's mixable, it gets mixed up. Cottage pie, fish pie, lasagne, pasta, curry and rice - it all turns into a big plate of mush.

There is also a sub-question: is it rude to cut your food into small pieces before eating it? By which I mean, cutting everything into small bite size pieces before starting to eat. Again, I say it is, dh says it isn't. (This is what he does with food that is less easily mushed up - e.g. something like chops, new potatoes and vegetables.

OP posts:
Littlefrenchmummy · 15/10/2015 06:36

Yes as manners go its very rude to A/ cut everything up B/ mix it all together. And yes it would annoy me if my husband taught that to my children.

Having said that maybe if he only does it at home and thats how he loves eating and your children know not to do it then thats ok.. Id hate my husband having bad table manners but Id also hate the idea of him not feeling comfortable in his own home.

Good luck xx

Notoedike · 15/10/2015 06:51

I think it sounds like a hang up from childhood. Does he leave crusts behind too? I wouldn't find it atttractive but rude? No, I think you are going too far, a bit of tolerence is a beautiful thing.

OfficeGirl1969 · 15/10/2015 07:01

I'd only ever police how someone eats as far as general manners goes (i.e.eating with cutlery, not chomping with your mouth wide open ie taking with your mouth full)
Quite honestly if I cooked a meal and someone devoured it I'd be happy if they ate it in it's neat component parts or mixed them up!

fieldfare · 15/10/2015 07:01

Yanbu op. I'd not be able to tolerate that and would probably end up eating separately.
I like nice manners. Dh gets short shrift sometimes as he'll shovel it in, normally because he's thinking about something else (work) so hard his mind isn't in the here and now of enjoying the meal, it's in his office on whatever he has to do.
Or he'll pick at whatever is left in the saucepans or roasting dish while I'm finishing dishing up, regardless that he is about to have a plateful. I shouted last night because he was eating out of the pan what I was putting aside for my lunch today. It's just a bit greedy!

Chiggers · 15/10/2015 07:11

YABU. I refuse to go out for a meal with a friend due to her idea of manners. She once told me that I was being rude for mixing my mash with gravy. I refused to eat my meal as she made me feel incredibly uncomfortable when watching me. It felt like she was waiting for me to slip up in my manners.

I have more important things to do rather than dine with people who are intent on judging me.

StormyBlue · 15/10/2015 07:14

YANBU at all OP, like you said, you go to the trouble of making a nice meal and then feel you might as well have mushed it up and handed it over in a bucket.

My dad does it, I wouldn't care so much but he's always so judgey of what he perceives as being bad manners from other people but won't accept that anything he does could be bad manners! [Personal grumble]

to think mixing up your food on a plate is bad manners?
Senpai · 15/10/2015 07:15

I think it sounds like a hang up from childhood. Does he leave crusts behind too? I wouldn't find it atttractive but rude? No, I think you are going too far, a bit of tolerence is a beautiful thing.

It goes both ways. He can respect that something he does bothers her and stop doing it. There's a few things I do that irritate the shit out of DH I try not to do them while he's around. He does the same for me. We don't just carry on with no regard for each other and expect the other to deal. Respecting each other is a beautiful thing. Tolerating differences that you can't help or are part of your personality is a beautiful thing. Letting someone take a proverbial shit over your dinner you put effort into preparing for them is not a beautiful thing.

Finding a plate of mush to be repulsive doesn't have to be a childhood hang up. I never had any bad experiences with mixing food, it's just gross. It looks utterly unappealing, and then it makes moist squishing noises as you shovel it up. -cringe-

I would not tolerate it if DH did this. Not even a little. If he had been a gross eater, I wouldn't have gone on a second date with him.

beautygal29 · 15/10/2015 07:17

I think it is very annoying (am laughing at man sized baby) but not necessarily bad manners? But then if you are annoying everyone by doing it maybe it is?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/10/2015 07:20

Sorry..I think it's ruder to try to control how some one eats their food, unless they are burping and eating with their hands.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/10/2015 07:22

He did it in front of one of his friends who want visiting recently and the friend both commented on it and looked pretty unimpressed

Sorry ..to me..THAT is rude

WizardOfToss · 15/10/2015 07:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justwondering72 · 15/10/2015 08:02

I wouldn't say it's rude as such. He's not spitting, burping, eating with his hands, criticising the food etc.

But going by the standards of table manners that I was taught, it's certainly uncouth. It says to me that the eater might as well be given a bowl of pig swill to eat, given that he appears to be unable to appreciate the distinct flavours of the individual components of his meal. That he'll eat any old crap if it's mashed together and shovelled in.

My FIL would do this.

I am aware this is horribly snobbish and that your OH may be a true gourmand, but the table manners and rules that I was taught as a child are my default setting.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/10/2015 08:15

YANBU. I think that it is bad manners but not necessarily rude. Not quite the same thing.

Personally I would find that unpleasant to watch and a bad example to children, who do learn primarily by copying.

Is it something he's always done, from childhood? Or a habit he got into when living alone? Could he keep it for informal home eating alone or when the children aren't there, and just put up with modelling proper/ normal eating habits when eating with them?

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 15/10/2015 08:18

I have honestly never heard that this is rude before. I don't really notice how someone else is eating, I'm mainly focussed on my own food.

I am very common though Grin

Shakey15000 · 15/10/2015 08:21

I'm surprised there's so many people with big issues on how other people eat food.

apinchofsugar · 15/10/2015 08:28

I am amazed that table manners seem such a new concept for some people. I wonder if convenience food and take-aways in front of the tv are to blame, and people have forgotten the most basic concepts?

MissHooliesCardigan · 15/10/2015 08:34

YANBU. I'm very relaxed about table manners at home and I couldn't care less about which way someone tilts their soup bowl or whether they use a knife or their fingers to break a bread roll. However, turning a meal into something that resembles a plate of vomit is gross and disrespectful to those around you.

Crosbybeach · 15/10/2015 08:48

I think it's bad manners but I'm in the minority I think. My DH and his family are of the anything goes at home school of thinking.

WorzelsCornyBrows · 15/10/2015 08:49

I would prefer my DH to eat in a polite manner with a knife and fork, to set a good example to the DC, but honestly I don't have the headspace to get wound up about it.

QuintShhhhhh · 15/10/2015 08:53

Yanbu.

I think it is bad manners.

My sister was once a guest at a French Embassy function, and her they boyfriend proceeded to do JUST what your dp does. She said she was so embarrassed that she could barely bring herself to mix in the same circles again, as she came with an ignorant uncultured mannlerless oaf of a date.

Just put his food in the blender for him next time and serve it as baby food.

Or dump him.

LumelaMme · 15/10/2015 08:55

YANBU. It would drive me nuts. It would also imply to the DC that's it's an okay way to behave, and they could end up finding out, awkwardly, that most people think it looks a bit disgusting.

QuintShhhhhh · 15/10/2015 08:56

But also, dont put such an emphasis on cooking for him. You are not cooking for him, you are making dinner, this is what most adults do daily, and it really is no big deal. Expect him to also cook, dont put yourself in this undervalued position as cook and cleaner and domestic houseperson. You are better than that.

noeffingidea · 15/10/2015 08:57

I do this to some extent. I always mix rice and curry or pasta and sauce together before I start eating. I would also mix mashed potatoes, peas, mashed swede and gravy together. I wouldn't mash it up into baby sludge though.
The thing is OP, you say you go to a lot of trouble to make the meal look nicely presented. You're really doing that for your own satisfaction, not his, as he clearly doesn't care about how food looks. Some people don't.
I can sympathise with it making you feel sick though. Watching my kids eat used to make me feel a bit sick as well.

Muckogy · 15/10/2015 08:58

its pretty childish all right. and annoying to watch.
its not very sophisticated, is it? a bit uneducated or something. i can't quite put my finger on it, but its not good table manners.

i probably would never get to the point of having a relationship with a man who eats like that.

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 15/10/2015 09:01

I really don't like the 'at least he's eating it' posts - he's not bloody three, is he, or doing the OP a politeness by eating his meals?

He needs to have a word with himself and start eating like a grown-up!