New lodger doing my head in. Aibu?

[saltlakecity]

Background. It's my house. She rents a room and has use of living room, kitchen etc.
She pays me £300pm which is in line with other lodgers rents in the town. I pay the bills. The bills are included in her rent.
I am in my 30s. She is late 20s.
She's lived here about 6 weeks and she's already doing my head in. She doesn't clean anywhere. Whenever I rented a room I did my share of cleaning communal rooms too. She's using them too so why should I be the only one to clean?

The bills are likely to shoot up as she leaves lights on and does about 4 loads of washing a week. This is a logistical nightmare for drying clothes too. She never does full loads which would obviously be better economically.
She can't wash dishes properly so everything is greasy or tea stained.

She's a noisy eater and makes irritating contended noises all the time. I realise this is being picky but it's so bloody annoying.

Her showers last about 15-20 mins. Again I can feel the bills shooting up by the second. It also leaves the upstairs steamy and damp. Not a problem I've had before but then my showers are less than 10 mins.

I seem to be buying all the loo roll, fairy liquid, handwash and cleaning stuff.

She's quite selfish e.g. The other day I put a tea towel in with her never ending washing. When she brought the stuff in from the line she left that out on the line, presumably because it wasn't 'hers'. There have been a few similar instances.

Am I being a complete bitch? I'm too old for this shit but i thought the money would be handy (a lot of which will now be used for higher bills).

This sounds like the typical settling in struggles with a new lodger. The honeymoon is over and now you're really getting to know each other and dare I say testing boundaries?

Suggest asking her to have dinner and to have a discussion around setting up some kind of cleaning rota and maybe a kitty for things like loo roll and cleaning products etc.

As far as the bills are concerned, I would wait until the first bills come in since she's moved in. Show her these and the ones from before she moved in and explain that you will need to adjust her rent unless she can help by reducing the bills.

When it comes to lodgers my advice is to pick your battles. Address what you cannot live with but try to forget about everything else otherwise you could end up with a horrible atmosphere in your own home.

Good luck!

I like the idea of a kitty. Yes I probably should just have an adult conversation about it all. Thanks.

Sit her down and calmly tell her all of the above - does she know she needs to Hoover, clean, but loo roll etc? Some lodgers think (genuinely) that it's included.

Have you had lodgers before? It's hard in your own home. You need to talk with her calmly before it gets too much for you. Good luck.

Rent your place on Airbnb instead
Seriously. It's more work in some ways but sooooo much nicer than a lodger who is there all the time, makes mess and slobs around in your living space. Airbnb guests are usually very respectful of house rules and if they are shit they fuck off fairly quickly. Honestly - 100x better than lodgers ime

Re the bills, you could always suggest moving to charging her x amount plus bills so she has an incentive to be careful rather than it being perceived by her as saving money purely for your benefit.
She does sound a nightmare though. You have my sympathy.

Yeah I've had lodgers before, both good and bad! I don't think airb&b would work. There would be no demand in this town. I would prefer to charge for bills but i think it would be a logistical nightmare. My bill is quarterly so what would happen if she moved out between bills etc.

Change your bills to monthly?

Yeah I could do that but I've had unscrupulous companies in the past refusing to refund when I was paying too much.

How long do you expect this lodger to stay? Do you think you would have difficulty replacing her? The rent sounds quite reasonable if she also has the run of the entire house.

At any rate, now you know what you need to put into a set of written rules and policies for the next lodger. Expectations regarding cleaning duties, use of electric, use of shower, contribution to household supplies, etc. should all be reviewed together with all candidates for lodger so that all parties are aware of expectations before an agreement is reached. I would also add in a clause about quiet hours and one about limits on overnight guests. Food is often also a bone of contention among housemates.

I can somewhat see where a lodger might have inferred that cleaning (by you) and supplies were included in the rent, just as one would expect if renting a room in a hotel or b&b. Not saying she is reasonable or that I as a lodger would be comfortable being so heedless of my landlord but it is not a stretch to think she means no harm and just misunderstands. You need to make clear that maid service is not included.

Also if she isn't much of a cleaner, do you get an opportunity to inspect her room? To insure that it is sanitary and not likely to attract vermin, etc.

As to the washing loads -- well, to me, 4x per week does not seem excessive. Could she put a folding airer in her room so that items could air while she is at school or work without being in your way? Perhaps you could even provide it and for subsequent lodgers it would just be a given that they use the one in their space.

Good luck, let us know!

Ive never been or had a lodger but if I became one I would expect that if the terms were bills included that would mean electricity,gas and full use of showers.
I would not expect to have to clean communal areas because a lot of times there are several lodgers in one house. Would they all have to start dusting on a rota or something? I just wouldn't have even considered that cleaning was part of normal terms. Obviously my own room would be cleaned by me .

You seem to be a new landlady so maybe it would be helpful to speak to some experienced landladies/lords in your area to see what the competition does in respect to limiting use of showers and cleaning expectations. The noisy eating however is something you cant do anything about Im afraid. Well, apart from always have the TV or radio on during mealtimes. :)

I'm quite surprised at the not buying loo roll?! I'm a lodger and would not expect the lady i live with to buy any of those types of things. We have separate everything, washing up liquid etc.

It doesn't sound like a good living situation for you at all, I would be inclined to start charging a bit more and say that the bills have gone up a lot more than expected? A cleaning rota also sounds like a good idea

Sorry to me it seems daft that lodgers would assume they don't clean. You use something, you clean it. I'm not her maid!

It is after all your house, if it doesn't work out you could ask her to move out and perhaps get someone else in

And 4 x washing loads a week for one person does seem excessive to me. How can 2 days worth of 1 persons clothes be a load?

4 x loads of washing isn't that much - a darks, a whites and a towels/bedding wash is 3 alone. If she wears a uniform or doesn't have enough undies to go a week for example, that's another wash.

It sounds like you hadn't perhaps considered the inconvenience of a lodger when you agreed to get one and have made some assumptions that everyone lives like you do. It will be particularly jarring if you used to being on your own

Its not excessive to have a shower or two showers a day, or use the washing machine when needed, and I might think you a little odd to mention it. The cleaning not so much.

Charge more (if you need to) or change lodgers and have a better interview policy?

Yanbu OP, the things you listed are simply common sense & considerate behaviours, especially so in shared living spaces.

I've just finished being a lodger after a two year stint of sharing as had the opposite problem - I was doing all of the cleaning & buying of loo roll etc plus being bullied into the bargain.

Never again

You probably needed to be clear about your expectations prior to agreeing to have her live with you. But you don't really sound cut out for this lodger malarkey!

And as for 4 loads? Bedding, towels, lights and darks. 4 loads, easy. When I was a lodger I wasn't that impressed by the limiting of laundry access. But them I'm not cut out for sharing either, overly (it was needs must and I got my own place ASAP. And I did do cleaning!).

poor parenting and you have to pick up the pieces; although late twenties is quite old not to have learned some adult skills.

time for some frank talking, or a parting of the ways.

Travail. You could be right that she just lives differently to me. I was taught to not excessively use electricity (not in an anal way just sensible turn off lights, not lengthy showers etc).
Personally I chuck all clothes, bedding etc in together as I don't buy pure white clothes so I do maybe two loads a week.
It does grate on me though as part loads and long showers just seem like a complete waste of resources unless it's the odd rare occurrence.

Put the rent up to cover excessive future water and electric bills. Could you ask her to contribute for a cleaner to come in?

Definitely agree with the kitty for communal expenses and getting monthly bills and if the amount has gone up significantly showing her and saying that you will need to add the difference on to her monthly rent if there is a signifcant increase (you would expect some increase obviously).

And yes to cleaning rota too - and if she doesn't do her jobs say you will need to add a cleaning charge.

I agree it would be easier to say all this stuff at the time of moving in. But she can choose whether to stay or not - presumably you would get someone else in?

And 4 x washing loads a week for one person does seem excessive to me

Depends how big your machine is, slightly excessive, but even for 1 person (in quantity, not necessarily split that way)
*1 set of bedding (my machine doesn't take much more than a king size load at once)
*1 set of towels
*1 wash of white clothes
*1 wash of black clothes

As a couple, pre-children, I used to have to do nearly one wash a day (so 5 or 6 a week).

YY to kitty and rota.

If you feel it's not working out after you've tried that, you can give her notice. I'm sure there are other lodgers out there who you'd gel more with.

Can you use gas & elec bills to estimate how much extra she is costing?