New lodger doing my head in. Aibu?

[saltlakecity]

Background. It's my house. She rents a room and has use of living room, kitchen etc.
She pays me £300pm which is in line with other lodgers rents in the town. I pay the bills. The bills are included in her rent.
I am in my 30s. She is late 20s.
She's lived here about 6 weeks and she's already doing my head in. She doesn't clean anywhere. Whenever I rented a room I did my share of cleaning communal rooms too. She's using them too so why should I be the only one to clean?

The bills are likely to shoot up as she leaves lights on and does about 4 loads of washing a week. This is a logistical nightmare for drying clothes too. She never does full loads which would obviously be better economically.
She can't wash dishes properly so everything is greasy or tea stained.

She's a noisy eater and makes irritating contended noises all the time. I realise this is being picky but it's so bloody annoying.

Her showers last about 15-20 mins. Again I can feel the bills shooting up by the second. It also leaves the upstairs steamy and damp. Not a problem I've had before but then my showers are less than 10 mins.

I seem to be buying all the loo roll, fairy liquid, handwash and cleaning stuff.

She's quite selfish e.g. The other day I put a tea towel in with her never ending washing. When she brought the stuff in from the line she left that out on the line, presumably because it wasn't 'hers'. There have been a few similar instances.

Am I being a complete bitch? I'm too old for this shit but i thought the money would be handy (a lot of which will now be used for higher bills).

"Lather, rinse, repeat " was an advertising "meme" thought up to double sales. It worked.

If shampoo doesn't clean your hair the first time you use it, it's pretty shite shampoo. But if you can convince the public that's expected...

And set yourself up for another brand ("Why take two bottles into the shower when you only need one" ?), Hell yeah!

Hirples: to be fair, if your shampoo has always de-greased all of your hair properly on the first go, you 1) have less hair than me, 2) use much more shampoo as standard and/or (probably the most relevant) 3) haven't gone quite as many days between washing your hair as I occasionally have.

Though, to clarify, I wasn't suggesting anyone should 'lather, rinse, repeat', I was simply questioning what possible purpose the application of conditioner at any point but the end of the process could have.

I hope I haven't offended you, Smill, and totally agree there's no point conditioning if you're going to shampoo etc again.

Your first asssumption is right - I have very fine hair, and, thinking about friends with hair I envy but would probably find as difficult to manage as they do God but I want masses of dark, unruly curls more hair than me, I take your point.

But I'm also old enough to remember the start of the "wash, rinse, repeat" campaign. (Or at least, recall noticing it)

Before that, as an intelligent human being, you could tell if your shampoo had cleaned your hair - however long, thick, curly, whatever it was. If you needed more than I would, you just used more.

But then there was a massive "w,r,r" advertising campaign, and shampoo sales soared; and it was the "repeat" message that did it.

When you wash your hair, do you wash it till it feels clean to you, or do you then repeat the process?

I rarely repeat - only if it's still noticeably greasy after one go. Perhaps every fifth time or something like that?

Some googling seems to suggest that lather, rinse, repeat made more sense in the days of heavy product use, so wasn't necessarily purely to maximise shampoo usage. That might have originated from a novel...? I have now learned that Herbal Essences should apparently cut through all oil on the first go, though. I'm not sure they have Herbal Essences here. Or that I like it anymore anyway. I miss the days of the clear bottles with round shoulders and the dark green(?) round lid. They smelled better then.

Vosene? Dh (who has much longer, thicker hair than I) is currently complaining it's no longer available. :(

I agree that "products" were probably heavier then, but I'd argue they're no less prevalent now.

Having said that, I'm now off to bed, but will first shower and wash my hair (with Head and Shoulders For Fine Hair and Frequent Washing because I'm as brainwashed as everyone else and can only use that which I can purchase )

I've actually never heard of this lodging thing, as opposed to normal houseshares. Isn't it something from the 1950s from a series called Rising Damp? Does it actually exist any more, other than in people's collective memories on mumsnet? I don't even know anyone who would move into a rented room in someone's house and treat it like a b&b without breakfast, as above. How old are some of the posters on here? What some of them are describing sounds more like what has now become a serviced let, and they are expensive.

This sounds to me like a house share with bills included but not cleaning. I agree the OP should be more specific and type out a set of "rules" and give them to her housemate. But I don't think any of the housemate's behaviour is that bad. If she continues wasting electricity and not washing up properly after she has seen the rules and maybe also had them explained to her, give her notice. The teatowel being left on the line is very selfish!

She sounds like someone who hasn't been brought up with great manners, who has little experience of living away from home.

Also, £300 a month including bills must be the cheapest houseshare in Britain, maybe Northern Europe!

I'm 36 scremers.

Vosene is available, I buy it regularly! Tesco, Sainsburys ...

I'm 36 and currently in my lodgings. My room is cleaned once a week and sheets changed. The bathroom that I have sole use of is also cleaned by someone other than me. I do my washing up and wipe up after cooking but no more.

I'm 36 and currently in my lodgings. My room is cleaned once a week and sheets changed. The bathroom that I have sole use of is also cleaned by someone other than me. I do my washing up and wipe up after cooking but no more.

Cheers, 5Blue, I'll tell dh - we've pretty much abandoned the big supermarkets for Lidl and Aldi, but there is a Tesco in town.

Put her rent up to £400 pcm, get a cleaner and stop worrying about the bills.

Or talk to her and see if things improve?

Or ask her to leave.

I flat shared for many years - some people are just really aggravating to live with. others not so much.

I'm 43 and haven't lodged for some time but I have friends who still do and I know their arrangements. One has been doing so for 20 years with the same landlady and only moved out last year. What j described as lodgings is how their arrangements work. It's not out dated I lodged into the 90's.

I suspect OP is charging 300 as that keeps her under the tax threshold.

As for 'I provide a lovely home' well that's what your lodger is paying for and your 'emotional support' shouldn't be seen as in exchange for cleaning services from her

OP really doesn't seem to understand despite having done so before what being a lodging landlady means.

I suspect OP is charging 300 as that keeps her under the tax threshold.
From April 2016 this is going up to 7,500 form 4,250

Yes but OP will probably have decided based on what the threshold was at the time.

Some of the things you are being very picky about - she makes contented noises! So shoot her!!!

Actually I didn't choose it because of the tax thresholds. As stated before its in line with local rates. I'm bowing out now as it's making me sound like a bitch. I'm really not. Thank you everyone for your comments. It's given me a chance to think about things.

But the other people who take in lodgers in your area are also effected by the £300 cap, surely? So, they are careful not to exceed it, and you copied their pricing??

Scremersford, I'm amazed you haven't heard of lodging, it's a perfectly common arrangement. We used to have a friend of ds's lodging when he needed somewhere urgently close to where he was working. it was a loose arrangement whereby he had his own room which he cleaned and kept tidy, and he provided his own sheets etc. He also mostly did his own cooking, but occasionally if I was doing a big meal for the family he shared that. He was expected to clean up after himself in the bathroom and kitchen, and that was about it. It worked very well and we were quite sorry to see him go when he eventually decided to get a place of his own.

I was a lodger for £300pm in Hertfordshire when I was working away. It was great. LL had a cleaner. We are still good friends.

I'm 32.

Some people lodge Mon-Fri for work then go home on weekend.

GruntledOne Scremersford, I'm amazed you haven't heard of lodging, it's a perfectly common arrangement

Honestly, I've lived in various house shares in the UK and on mainland Europe for my work, I've searched through ads for property to rent, and I have never, ever come across it. I've also never met another person who "lodges". It sounds bizarre. I can't think why anyone would want to provide it or why anyone would want to do it when they could have a normal tenancy agreement in a normal shared house. Oh wait, my DH did say he rented a room in a house from a really old lady when he first moved out and she used to come into his room to poke around and comment on his comings and goings. He moved out as soon as he could find a normal houseshare and we both assumed she was just an anachronism as she was quite elderly.

It also sounds like its easy enough to turn it into a shared house tenancy, by using the correct wording in the lease. I think its clear that this is what the OP here thinks it is, and since she doesn't want to provide cleaning services etc for £300 a month, I think she is quite entitled to provide a set of rules that sets that out.

I've ben a lodger. It's a strange relationship. You are not a guest but you're not on equal terms with the owner.

You need ground rules.

If what the OP wants is a different arrangement that's fine whats not fine is changing the goalposts after the lodger has moved in. That's not fair.

But also as myself and other pp have said she sounds fundamentally unsuited to being a landlady as the minor annoyances that come from sharing with anybody she seems to think she can complain about/change in a lodger/housemate.

I know my faults and bad habits and have done houseshares as well as lodging plus cohabiting and being married and now with my teen dd. It's all part of being an adult surely knowing that we all do things that irritate each other and you just have to accept there are probably things we do that annoy each others too.

The only houseshare I had where there was an issue was when originally my housemate instead of discussing things I was doing that were annoying her with me she was bitching to mutual friends. Luckily one was sensible enough to pull her up on it and she came to me, where possible I adjusted and where not she understood she just had to either deal or we'd have to end the arrangement. Basically it was resolved. We were good friends but sadly lost touch as she and my now ex husband didn't get along.

Perhaps house shares became more common with more people going to university or leaving home to work elsewhere before getting married? Lodgings are quite common, I think, especially with folk working mon- fri on the smoke and just want somewhere to dump their stuff, sleep, shower and go to work. There really isn't the interaction of a house share.

But you call her a lodger, not someone sharing your house with you. Does she consider it a house share or lodgings?

If she hasn't been there long, ask how she thinks it's going and if she's going to stay. Did you both agree a probation period? If she drives you crazy when she eats it's probably not going to work anyway.