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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New lodger doing my head in. Aibu?

167 replies

saltlakecity · 11/10/2015 21:07

Background. It's my house. She rents a room and has use of living room, kitchen etc.
She pays me £300pm which is in line with other lodgers rents in the town. I pay the bills. The bills are included in her rent.
I am in my 30s. She is late 20s.
She's lived here about 6 weeks and she's already doing my head in. She doesn't clean anywhere. Whenever I rented a room I did my share of cleaning communal rooms too. She's using them too so why should I be the only one to clean?

The bills are likely to shoot up as she leaves lights on and does about 4 loads of washing a week. This is a logistical nightmare for drying clothes too. She never does full loads which would obviously be better economically.
She can't wash dishes properly so everything is greasy or tea stained.

She's a noisy eater and makes irritating contended noises all the time. I realise this is being picky but it's so bloody annoying.

Her showers last about 15-20 mins. Again I can feel the bills shooting up by the second. It also leaves the upstairs steamy and damp. Not a problem I've had before but then my showers are less than 10 mins.

I seem to be buying all the loo roll, fairy liquid, handwash and cleaning stuff.

She's quite selfish e.g. The other day I put a tea towel in with her never ending washing. When she brought the stuff in from the line she left that out on the line, presumably because it wasn't 'hers'. There have been a few similar instances.

Am I being a complete bitch? I'm too old for this shit but i thought the money would be handy (a lot of which will now be used for higher bills).

OP posts:
Baconyum · 11/10/2015 22:10

I was a lodger for years. Never was expected to pay extra for loo roll, cleaning products, showers longer than ten mins. Certainly wasn't restricted on laundry facilities nor expected to clean rooms other than my own excepting if I'd made a mess eg been cooking.

I agree with pp saying maybe being a landlady isn't for you.

I never had any complaints and always had good references.

Hellochicken · 11/10/2015 22:12

Have you lived alone for some time? It can be an adjustment back to sharing your space.
She might be wasteful with electricity etc but if her bills are covered she won't have incentive to get better at this. She may just not get this (I've lived with people like this) and then you will be annoyed and she will think you are stingy.
I would expect her to contribute to a kitty for loo roll/washing up liquid etc

BoffinMum · 11/10/2015 22:13

I think she sounds kind of normal but tbh I would be driven nuts by some of this too, so I think the best thing is to say to her it's not working and give notice. You need to be reasonably happy in your own home and let's face it, you are not really getting on.

HungryHorace · 11/10/2015 22:16

But you can't really change the terms now she's moved in. If you wanted a kitty you should've agreed that before she moved in. You're trying to alter the (probably verbal) contract with her, which isn't on.

If you don't like her, give her notice and get somebody else in, with whom you discuss showers / bills / restricting laundry / a kitty during the interview.

You sound terribly restrictive and you'll no doubt limit who'll be happy to live with you.

MissMarpleCat · 11/10/2015 22:18

Doesn't sound like you're suited to sharing your home.

iminshock · 11/10/2015 22:22

she's a bloody nightmare. Don't think I could stand another 6 weeks unless she mends her ways

Booyaka · 11/10/2015 22:24

I think she sounds pretty normal. I also think airbnb sounds like a good idea. This isn't meant as a criticism of you, but from your post it really doesn't sound like you are suited to having a lodger (I'm not either, nor would I lodge).

As far as I've seen successfully living in a shared house takes a particular type of personality which is generally quite laid back, relaxed, easy going, gets along with anybody and not easily irritated or annoyed (my DH is like this and had several successful house shares).

Some people just aren't suited to it, they like their own space, they like things done in a particular way and if they spend a lot of time in close proximity to others they find them irritating. There's nothing wrong with that, but if you feel that's you then perhaps it's just better to face up to the fact that you aren't really suited to sharing. This is something I came to terms with in my early 20s, it's just not for me. If you do airbnb it probably won't get to the point of them irritating you as they'll be gone in a week, plus you can choose to have breaks when you're alone.

ihavenonameonhere · 11/10/2015 22:28

Sounds like you want the money and for them to live exactly the way you would.

Well they don't and a few bits can be changed but the washing machine is petty.

Prettyinblue · 11/10/2015 22:29

A twenty minute shower daily is excessive and very wasteful.

Four washes is too.

I would hate to have a lodger.

HopefulAnxiety · 11/10/2015 22:37

I've not been a lodger but I have been in a shared house, and am looking to be a lodger soon. 4 washes a week sounds excessive to me, especially if they're not full loads, and I would definitely expect to help clean communal areas, buy loo roll/washing up liquid etc as and when it needs topping up etc. I would expect to be respectful of shared resources, whether living spaces or utilities. I would definitely bring in a poxy tea towel!

YY to kitty and rota chat.

HopefulAnxiety · 11/10/2015 22:39

Also £300pcm including bills is very cheap! I'd definitely raise it a bit.

squidzin · 11/10/2015 22:40

How much loo roll can she really be using up? For one room in your house £300 pm is plenty of money to cover these insignificant basics.

Presumably she does not eat all of your food and borrow your car.

I would be mortified to find out my ll was timing my showers. Having long hair, shampoo, lather, rince, repeat, condition, rince, shave, rince off... I can take 30 mins.

Your lodger does not sound anything other than normal. Maybe your expectations are on the abnormally high end?

EBearhug · 11/10/2015 22:45

I was a lodger for years. Never was expected to pay extra for loo roll, cleaning products, showers longer than ten mins. Certainly wasn't restricted on laundry facilities nor expected to clean rooms other than my own excepting if I'd made a mess eg been cooking.

I agree with this - it's my experience, too (although I have had restrictions on laundry and when I could do it). It's lodging, not a shared rented house. In shared houses, you are expected to do your share of cleaning communal areas, and buying loo roll and so on, but not in lodgings. If you do expect this with lodgers, you need to make it clear at the start of the agreement, because it's not what many lodgers will expect.

NuffSaidSam · 11/10/2015 22:50

I think the problem is that there isn't a standard set of rules that all houseshares/lodgers and landladies follow and you haven't set any rules so she just doesn't know what she's supposed to be doing.

Cleaning, for example, you could;

-clean all communal areas yourself and charge extra for that in her rent.
-employ a cleaner and charge her extra rent.
-ask her to contribute £10 a week so you can get a cleaner
-tell her you have a cleaning rota and it's her turn x week.

They're all reasonable options, but you haven't done any of those.

Toilet rolls etc.

-tell her you each buy your own.
-include them in her rent.
-ask her for £5 a week towards consumables.
-give her the option.

Again, all reasonable, but you haven't done any of those.

There is no standard right/wrong answer and as it's your house, it's up to you to tell her which option you're going with or at least have the conversation and ask her which she'd prefer.

Things like not washing up properly and noisy eating are annoying, but things you probably can't change about her. All you can do is avoid her when she's eating and use different plates/cups so that only her stuff is covered in grease/tea.

ToTheGups · 11/10/2015 22:55

I tale longer than ten mins in the shower too, I didn't realise that it is abnormal. I don't think you and this lodger are suited. I would hate to live somewhere that my shower time is monitored and I would feel uncomfortable every time I got in.

FishWithABicycle · 11/10/2015 22:57

Sorry but house-share=everyone takes their turn cleaning the communal areas and has equal rights to use them.

Lodger=only has full rights to their actual bedroom, use of other areas is dictated by owner and the lodger is not an equal there. Quid pro quo of that is that lodger has less cleaning responsibilities - only cleans up any actual mess they might make in kitchen and bathroom but is not expected to take a turn cleaning them in terms of "housework".

YANBU about the noisy eating, that is rude. But I think YABU about everything else.

blueshoes · 11/10/2015 23:36

Get rid and find another lodger that is more respectful and considerate. Even if others say she is normal, she is not someone you are happy to live with. Someone of your own mindset (frugal, tidy) would also be happy to find a landlady who is like her.

People who say you are not cut out for being a landlord are jumping the gun. Just like there are housemates you click with and those you don't, same for lodgers.

And get those house rules ready ...

blueshoes · 11/10/2015 23:37

PS I have shared my house with many many aupairs. Someone like your lodger would also do my head in. And I have a long list of house rules so everyone is on the same page.

19lottie82 · 11/10/2015 23:45

Whenever I had lodgers I wouldn't expect them to clean communal areas or buy loo roll ect. If you wanted her to do these things then you should have made it clear before she moved in......

4 loads of washing a week isn't really excessive, maybe on the higher side of average but not excessive. And her leaving lights on won't make your bills sky rocket..... Lighting barely makes a dent in electric bills.

BUT, it seems obvious this girl is getting on your wick, so I wouldn't feel bad about asking her to make alternative arrangements.

Paddletonio · 11/10/2015 23:55

I think you're being unreasonable. The lodger sounds normal. Completely agree with fish in a bicycle re the dynamic - lodger is not an equal housemate and therefore is only really responsible for the bedroom and any mess they directly make. They do not need to do general cleaning around your house.

You shouldn't be timing her showers - crazy.

I don't think you are suited to having lodgers.

saltlakecity · 12/10/2015 06:03

Thank you everyone. I've been a landlady several times so I'm not new to this. I got on well with most of them and they were all more than willing to clean except this girl. I feel like a maid.
As for supposedly timing her showers. It's not like that.i know roughly how long they are as I am often sat waiting in the morning when she jumps in before me. I'm not exactly sat there with a stop watch, nor am I knocking on the door (although I feel like it as I have the longer commute!) I realise some of these things are my issue.

I will introduce a kitty. I don't think that Is unreasonable even after 6 weeks. I will also ask her to clean maybe one room when I'm cleaning the other rooms. I don't think she can moan at that. My house was spotless when she moved in and is starting to look dirty which I hate.

Thanks for all the advice.

OP posts:
neepsandtatties · 12/10/2015 07:04

I would say that in most people's eyes, being a lodger is somewhere between staying as a guest in a B&B (where you don't even clean up your own mess) and living in a shared house (where you clean communally according to a rota).

ovenchips · 12/10/2015 07:28

I agree with *FishWithABicycle' after my experiences both as a lodger and in a house share.

Your distaste for your lodger really comes through in your posts especially at the fact that they are 'using up' some of the money they pay you every month!

PatrickJaneIsRedJohn · 12/10/2015 08:00

I didn't realise 20 mins in the shower wasn't the norm Hmm I have long hair so need to wash, condition and repeat. Then wash body, and sometimes shave legs. But I actually quite like a nice hot shower in the morning, I don't see it as a personal challenge to get in and out as fast as possible.

I clearly wouldn't cut it as a lodger.

OwlFeathersFluff · 12/10/2015 08:05

I'd let her go OP - it doesn't sound as though you like her very much.

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