New lodger doing my head in. Aibu?

[saltlakecity]

Background. It's my house. She rents a room and has use of living room, kitchen etc.
She pays me £300pm which is in line with other lodgers rents in the town. I pay the bills. The bills are included in her rent.
I am in my 30s. She is late 20s.
She's lived here about 6 weeks and she's already doing my head in. She doesn't clean anywhere. Whenever I rented a room I did my share of cleaning communal rooms too. She's using them too so why should I be the only one to clean?

The bills are likely to shoot up as she leaves lights on and does about 4 loads of washing a week. This is a logistical nightmare for drying clothes too. She never does full loads which would obviously be better economically.
She can't wash dishes properly so everything is greasy or tea stained.

She's a noisy eater and makes irritating contended noises all the time. I realise this is being picky but it's so bloody annoying.

Her showers last about 15-20 mins. Again I can feel the bills shooting up by the second. It also leaves the upstairs steamy and damp. Not a problem I've had before but then my showers are less than 10 mins.

I seem to be buying all the loo roll, fairy liquid, handwash and cleaning stuff.

She's quite selfish e.g. The other day I put a tea towel in with her never ending washing. When she brought the stuff in from the line she left that out on the line, presumably because it wasn't 'hers'. There have been a few similar instances.

Am I being a complete bitch? I'm too old for this shit but i thought the money would be handy (a lot of which will now be used for higher bills).

"It wouldn't cross my mind that a lodger would pay extra in to a kitty, that would be a house share issue. I would have assumed that it covered all that."

I agree. Usually rent is higher for a lodging than a house share (which I've also done and paid my way and pulled my weight). OP you're not getting paid rent for nothing there's an expectation that you earn it/that it covers certain things.

And I CERTAINLY wasn't a lazy lodger. I'd clean up after myself if I used a room but I didn't think it was my responsibility to hoover, dust etc.

I think when OP discusses the changes with the tenant it will not go down well.

1 because its essentially changing the terms of the agreement already made when OP is the one with the more power.

2 its not in line with normal lodging expectations

I expect tenant will either agree but not stick to it, not agree in which case OP still has to give legal notice and in the meantime the atmosphere will be horrible. I also expect OP will be losing this tenant.

In addition if I saw a tenancy advertised/organised on this basis I'd look elsewhere.

You really don't sound suited to being a landlady. If you've a long commute why not get up earlier and have your shower first?

Worst landlady I had was the one I didn't know till after I moved in was an extremely devout Christian and expected me to live accordingly! Ie no male visitors ever (I have a large group of friends of both genders, varying sexualities - that was another issue), no TV/radio/laundry done on a Sunday, tried to make me attend church, didn't like the fact I drank/went clubbing (I was early 20's!). No indication of this prior to me moving in. Think I lasted 2 months there!

Baconyum! And I bet your landlady still charged you rent and was happy to take it.

Oh she still took the rather high rent! I say I lasted 2 months what I mean was that's when I left for somewhere else. Nightmare!

Toughas - erm think you'll find unless alternative agreement made the notice is length of rent period at least. I've checked and cab/.gov backs that up. You can't just kick someone out with no notice nor leave owing rent!

Go Air B&B. My mum (who still lives in the large family home) does it and would never go back to having a lodger. She loves the extra money that it brings (significantly more than a lodger) but most importantly, meeting new people from all over. You could always put a 3-night minimum stay on your room, so that you're not changing bedding too often.
Haven't thread the whole thread as kids nagging, so apologies if this has already been brought up and rejected.

Some of you make me sound like a witch! I'm not by the way!!

I'm with ovenchips.

If I'm a lodger I do not expect the same cooperative agreement as I would were I sharing a house or flat on equal terms with mates.

I would expect to clean up my personal messes -- to remove any traces I had cooked a meal, for example, and to tidy & dry the bathroom after grooming. If I used a common room for TV I would not leave personal effects lying around.

But as a lodger I would NOT expect to do deep cleaning or maintenance. No dusting, no hoovering, no scrubbing of the kitchen floor (unless I spilled something), no shoveling of walks or weeding of garden. That's what I am paying the landlady to do -- to provide agreed-upon premises in useable condition and to maintain them that way. Just as in a hotel or B&B I would not expect to scrub, dust or wash the curtains. Nor would I expect to provide loo roll or other basic staples in either a hotel or lodging situation. I'm a paying guest, not a flatmate.

As a housemate on equal footing with the other tenants, of course I would expect to participate in a cleaning rota and shared expenses for consumable items including paper. Two different situations.

Not really. If you are a lodger who shares all the communal spaces in the same way you would in a flatshare, the only difference is that the person you are sharing with is the owner instead of a renting flatmate.
The fact that they own instead of rent does not suddenly turn them into your maid, and it does not mean they have to buy your bog roll.
It's an odd mindset, you seem to think you are doing them a favour by living in their house and using their stuff and letting them clean up after you. Is it jealousy because they own and you don't?

If you are a lodger who shares all the communal spaces in the same way you would in a flatshare, the only difference is that the person you are sharing with is the owner instead of a renting flatmate.

And you are paying them - that cost is expected to cover things like cleaning and loo roll. If they expect you to clean more than your room and bathroom & kitchen after you've used it, they need to tell you when you start lodging, because that is normal for lodgers.

The landlady needs to adjust the rent she charges to cover cleaning and sundries. If I'm renting a room it's because I don't want the bother of dealing with cleaning (beyond tidying and washing own dishes), bill-paying, shopping for loo roll and the like. Same reason I would stay in a B&B instead of a self-catering caravan. Because I am wiling to pay to shift greater responsibility for day-to-day logistics and maintenance on to someone else.

I would not leave a mess behind in communal spaces but I certainly would not be sweeping, hoovering, mopping, window-washing, scrubbing or wiping down cupboards or otherwise -- any more than I would mop the lounge area of a hotel lobby or dust the mantle at an airBnB home. In fact I think the lodger would have grounds for a certain amount of umbrage if the kitchen, bathroom and common area were not kept up to reasonable standards by the landlady.

Roommate/Flatmate/Housemate is not the same as lodger. If the OP wants a housemate, is she prepared to cede authority -- such as for example if the housemate wants to redecorate the lounge, obtain a pet, host a cocktail party or otherwise use the premises with all the same rights as an owner would?

Tend to agree with many on here, I wouldn't expect to do any cleaning beyond clearing up after cooking in a lodging arrangement. Equally whilst I may have use of other areas of the house, I wouldn't expect to leave anything about, e.g. books except in my room.

I'd consider a flat share quite a different arrangement.

All the lodging arrangements I've had the landlady has washed my bedding every week, how's that for lazy

Oh, and the thing about Air B&B is that you don't have to live in a touristy area. Mum has a beautiful home, but lives in a fairly crappy town. She still gets loads of bookings though, as she's near an airport. Don't rule it out OP!

IMO it isn't a mindset. It isn't jealousy because they own and you don't. It isn't because you are looking for a maid. It isn't because you're a lazy bugger.

It's because being a lodger and being in a houseshare are two different things, each with somewhat different expectations as to how to manage living together. That is all!

You can't just state they are separate things, so there. I don't care if its a flatshare, your own house, a lodger arrangement, your mammys house or a three ring circus, in my book you clean up your own shit. And that includes a bit of hoovering and dusting in the house you live in. Anything else is lazy bugger semantics.

Gosh Constance - I presume when you stay in a hotel you demand access to cleaning equipment so you can keep that nice moral high ground of yours. And wash up after yourself when you eat at a restaurant?

It is ridiculous to say that different levels of service don't exist. It is established fact that a lodging arrangement occupies a half-way point between B&B and house-sharing and no-one can just start pretending that a lodger and a house mate are the same thing.

I'm not saying they are separate things 'so there' at all. In my posts I have been trying to explain that they are a) two different terms with differing meanings and b) because they are two different ways of living together they tend to have different rules associated with them.

I don't understand why anyone would be arguing there is no difference between them. You may not agree with the 'terms and conditions' generally associated with being a lodger, but that surely just means that you wouldn't choose to be a lodger/ landlord. It doesn't mean the concept doesn't exist.

It does exist and it explains why the OP's lodger seems to be acting like a lodger not a housemate.

I don't live in a hotel, but if I did, I would be paying for the room cleaning. And I'd tip

And you're still doing it. You're saying " a lodger is different because I say it is different".
You may not agree with the 'terms and conditions' generally associated with being a lodger Not generally associated, but associated by some people, like you.
Well I disagree. And since they are both nothing but opinions, I'll stick with mine. Wherever I live I clean up after myself. You can choose to do otherwise. Your justification maybe that you don't believe it to be expected from lodgers, but lots of people will disagree with you.

Sure, being a lodger is different than being a housemate. Just like being a guest in someones home is different to paying rent for it. But in all of these situations, many people would do some of the cleaning, and not expect someone else to do it for them. I'm not sure why you find this so hard to grasp.

It's nothing about me, or what my opinion is, or what I'd choose to do if I were a lodger. Or what you would choose to do if you were a lodger.

I haven't made the word lodger up, invented the concept or fabricated the differences.

You don't seem to want to accept that so there's no point to me posting further. It's also very late! Night night.

fabricated the differences.

you sort of have. You keep saying that a lodger doesn't do this, a lodger doesn't do that, there are x expectations. What I am trying to get through to you is that there is no actual set definition of what a lodger is or does, there is no code written in stone or manual to check. It is a flexible arrangement that each person who is a lodger or has a lodger will decide what THEIR expectations are.
Yours and mine are DIFFERENT. Comprendez?

NeonInvisibobble there is no need to be rude - surely we can be grown up enough to tell people they are utterly and completely wrong and misinformed without resorting to personal attack.

Constance has every right to choose to do additional cleaning as a leisure activity if she is ever a lodger if she so chooses. That doesn't give any other lodger the obligation to choose to do so. She cannot obliterate the concept of being a lodger from our culture and history by power of assertion.

Any home owner who wishes to share their home with someone who contributes to the cleaning rota and loo paper kitty ought to advertise for a housemate rather than a lodger and advertise a rent that excludes bills saying all other bills and expenses to be shared 50:50. And should then obviously have no more rights over when they use the kitchen, dictate what chanel is on TV in the sitting room, and having stuff in all the other shared rooms of the house so that the whole house is genuinely shared and not "MY house that your lI've in". Then the cleaning responsibility can and should also be shared.

I've had 7 lodgers at different times. All but one chipped in with some cleaning without being asked. The one who didn't wasnt from England. The 6 who cleaned did varying amounts from a token clean the bathroom once a month and mop te kitchen floor to at least half the housework and gardening. I didn't ask and didn't expect them to clean to my standard /treat my house as if they owned it - but I was bloody grateful for the ones who did.