New lodger doing my head in. Aibu?

[saltlakecity]

Background. It's my house. She rents a room and has use of living room, kitchen etc.
She pays me £300pm which is in line with other lodgers rents in the town. I pay the bills. The bills are included in her rent.
I am in my 30s. She is late 20s.
She's lived here about 6 weeks and she's already doing my head in. She doesn't clean anywhere. Whenever I rented a room I did my share of cleaning communal rooms too. She's using them too so why should I be the only one to clean?

The bills are likely to shoot up as she leaves lights on and does about 4 loads of washing a week. This is a logistical nightmare for drying clothes too. She never does full loads which would obviously be better economically.
She can't wash dishes properly so everything is greasy or tea stained.

She's a noisy eater and makes irritating contended noises all the time. I realise this is being picky but it's so bloody annoying.

Her showers last about 15-20 mins. Again I can feel the bills shooting up by the second. It also leaves the upstairs steamy and damp. Not a problem I've had before but then my showers are less than 10 mins.

I seem to be buying all the loo roll, fairy liquid, handwash and cleaning stuff.

She's quite selfish e.g. The other day I put a tea towel in with her never ending washing. When she brought the stuff in from the line she left that out on the line, presumably because it wasn't 'hers'. There have been a few similar instances.

Am I being a complete bitch? I'm too old for this shit but i thought the money would be handy (a lot of which will now be used for higher bills).

I think you need to lay out rules and expectations. It is U to be angry at her for breaking rules if you haven't told her not the rules are! I think it's fine to get her to chip in with cleaning, and agreed with PPs that a cleaning rota is probably the best idea. But I think that with showering, washing and noisy eating yabu - you should have made it clear when she moved in that she wasn't allowed long showers/multiple washes per week etc.

I'm not "obliterating the concept of lodger from our culture and history"
I'm merely saying that some lodgers don't sit in communal rooms while their LL cleans all around them. I think its just called not being an asshole.

Yes they do. That's exactly what they do.

Have you never read a book in which someone takes rooms in a lodging house? Lodging houses are less common now as most people who seek a lodger just want one or two rather than a house full. However, it's not a hard concept. Lodging is basically B&B without the breakfast. It is no more being an asshole to expect the standard service level that comes with that than it is being an asshole to accept that service in a hotel or restaurant.

A lodger does not have the same rights as a tenant (e.g. they can be thrown out with a week's notice) and often has lots of restrictions on using any part of the house other than their own room (e.g. when I was a lodger I was allowed to use the kitchen only after 8am and had to book my use of the washing machine in advance). Less rights = less responsibilities.

My mil has 3 lodgers. She pays for a cleaner to clean all communal areas and provides loo roll/ cleaning products etc.

She charges enough so she doesn't have to do the cleaning, that way the lodgers just clean their own dishes/wipe up when they use the surfaces. She wouldn't not expect them to clean communal bathrooms - yuk, who apart from someone your paying would want to clean your pubes up. Hence the cleaner.

You can't just state they are separate things, so there.

Please say you stamped your foot when you typed that!!

To me, a lodger is responsible for cleaning their own room plus clearing up mess etc. in other rooms they use (kitchen, bathroom etc).

I don't personally think that general housework is part of that arrangement & certainly wouldn't expect them to be dusting the living room ornaments or anything like that....

A lodger cannot just be flung out with no notice:

england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/eviction/eviction_of_private_tenants/eviction_of_excluded_occupiers

www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home/ending-a-letting

A lodger is not the same as a housemate:

dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/lodger

england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/student_housing/how_to_be_a_good_flatmate

Those of us who have stated they are separate things haven't 'just said so' it's accepted as different in law and in definition.

In addition if it were no different why would lodgers pay more to be effectively in the same position as a housemate? Lodgings are more expensive than houseshare because you're not just paying to cover the rent you're paying the bills (which are usually included I've very rarely seen a lodging situation advertised that didn't include the bills) and for a certain standard of living too.

It's not more expensive than a house share for her in my case though. She pays £300 pm.
So imagine it as a house share. The mortgage is £420pm, the council tax £90 pm. Then there is water, gas, electricity, TV license, sky TV, Internet. All that would easily add to us both paying more than £300pm. If she was in this as an equal houseshare I'd have to charge more.

Sorry mortgage £520 notb £420. Rents would be similar if she was in a house share but then she'd have bills on top. More expensive for her.

Then you are not charging enough - still not her fault. You needed to be clear of your expectations when you let the room.

God you sound grabby.
As pps have said, this lodging lark isn't for you. Give the poor woman thge legal notice and if you still want your mortgage paying for you, get your requirements straight from the start next time.

We have lodgers. I don't expect them to clean the house but I do expect them to clean up after themselves. For example wiping food spatters off the hob, clearing food bits out of the sink after washing up, wiping up things they have spilt, cleaning hair dye off the bathroom wall, emptying the bin if they notice it's full rather than just piling rubbish next to it...

One of our lodgers does none of these things and it drives me mad.

It's easy to give the op a hard time over the more petty things, but the petty things can really grate when you are living with someone!

One of our lodgers does a full 60 degree, high water consumption wash twice a week to wash four shirts. This annoys me, despite knowing that it's covered by her rent. I wouldn't kick her out over it or even comment on it as it is up to her but surely I'm allowed to get irritated?

I thought lodgings were just that- a room only and lucky if there was a communal sitting room. If not, the lodger sat in their room evenings. Use of kitchen and bathroom but minimal tidying. My dm was a lodger back in the day and her landlady would run her bath for her - to ensure depth was only 3 inches and tepid water. And you had to be out by 8am, no return until 6 and indoors by 10.30pm:)

A house share is different - the whole house is shared so bills would be on top. But still the landlord took care of the garden, upkeep and maintenance.

troika We have lodgers. I don't expect them to clean the house but I do expect them to clean up after themselves.

YY to this. That's the problem though, isn't it? Eg. plates still being dirty after being 'washed' - the lodger isn't cleaning up after themselves. Ditto leaving the place steamy and damp after a shower.

I had a lodger for a bit - I expected him to wipe down kitchen cupboads and mop the floor because he couldn't so much as make a cup of tea without covering every surface with crap. It was quite an astounding skill, in a way - my 'normal' once a week clean needed to be done every day!

I don't know where I'd start with a cleaning rota/expectations thing - stuff like "don't bring random crap off the street and drag it through my flat" would have to be on the list but who'd expect that in advance?!

ps. Isn't it sad that people cannot afford to have a proper home they can be comfortable in? This includes both the OP and her (environment destroying) lodger.

One solution, or perhaps it is not one, is to make the lodger's rooms more like a bedsit. My husband has been a lodger on and off over the years, and often the rooms come with a sink, fridge and even a hob on occasions, so essentially you don't really need to come into the communal areas that much.

Perhaps that might suit you better.

Having someone in your home is intrusive, no doubt about it, but that's why you get paid!

If you don't think you are charging enough, then best recalculate when she leaves and charge more next time. Your mortgage is irrelevant to her though, that's for you to pay.

My husband has never cleaned any communal areas, he tends to go for places with landlady who then provides those services and perhaps a meal if he pays extra. He does clean up the shared bathroom though, giving things a wipe down.

I think everyone is right, it's the lack of clarity here which is causing the problems.

Thenlater. I am not grabby in the slightest. Someone said lodging was more expensive. I pointed out it wasn't for my lodger. Yes I do this as a business arrangement as I struggle to afford my own home on my own. That doesn't make me grabby. I provide a lovely home and she pays for that or she'd pay someone else. It's genuinely a lovely place and I've supported her a lot emotionally with her new job etc.

I'm genuinely surprised that anyone thinks four washes a week is excessive. Unless you have a huge washing machine, it's really not. I don't think 20 mins in the shower is too long either.

But OP, if you resent your lodger and fume about her, it can't be pleasant.

She owes you the rent, not gratitude or service, no matter how lovely the home or how supportive the landlady. It's a business arrangement.

If you are more interested in a homeshare arrangement where the tenants are on equal footing in terms of responsibility, that is understandable. To each her own. But as others have pointed out, more responsibility also means more rights. Would you be OK with a housemate who felt it her right to make changes to the home decor, to entertain others at parties and such, to obtain a pet, to have an equal say in any matters related to home maintenance and improvement, etc.?

It rather seems that you want the friendship and equal chore-sharing of a housemate situation but the authority and ownership of a landlady/lodger arrangement. I think it will be difficult to have it both ways but hopefully you can clarify your aims in a "rules and policies" document for the next lodger, and raise your rates if you don't feel the current amount covers the level of service you are willing to agree to.

That's interesting - when young, I preferred a lodging arrangement where it was cheap (ie temporary) and I retained my privacy in my own room. I had no wish to house share with a landlady.

I once looked at a house share and it clear the landlady wanted a lodging arrangement for house share money:) she had friends round and when that happened I would be expected to keep to my room and be very quiet!

I declined - although I suggested to her she drop the house share rubbish and agree lodger arrangements and lodger money. She wanted the money but hadn't thought it through.

PatrickJane: I have long hair so need to wash, condition and repeat.

'Lather, rinse, repeat' doesn't involve the conditioning stage, surely?! What's the point in conditioning before shampooing again?