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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New lodger doing my head in. Aibu?

167 replies

saltlakecity · 11/10/2015 21:07

Background. It's my house. She rents a room and has use of living room, kitchen etc.
She pays me £300pm which is in line with other lodgers rents in the town. I pay the bills. The bills are included in her rent.
I am in my 30s. She is late 20s.
She's lived here about 6 weeks and she's already doing my head in. She doesn't clean anywhere. Whenever I rented a room I did my share of cleaning communal rooms too. She's using them too so why should I be the only one to clean?

The bills are likely to shoot up as she leaves lights on and does about 4 loads of washing a week. This is a logistical nightmare for drying clothes too. She never does full loads which would obviously be better economically.
She can't wash dishes properly so everything is greasy or tea stained.

She's a noisy eater and makes irritating contended noises all the time. I realise this is being picky but it's so bloody annoying.

Her showers last about 15-20 mins. Again I can feel the bills shooting up by the second. It also leaves the upstairs steamy and damp. Not a problem I've had before but then my showers are less than 10 mins.

I seem to be buying all the loo roll, fairy liquid, handwash and cleaning stuff.

She's quite selfish e.g. The other day I put a tea towel in with her never ending washing. When she brought the stuff in from the line she left that out on the line, presumably because it wasn't 'hers'. There have been a few similar instances.

Am I being a complete bitch? I'm too old for this shit but i thought the money would be handy (a lot of which will now be used for higher bills).

OP posts:
Arabidopsis · 15/10/2015 20:42

Lodgings work for me as I'm a contractor and never 100% sure how long I'll need accommodation for.

House shares tend to want 6 month commitment and large deposits, no good if you're on a 3 month contract.

var123 · 15/10/2015 21:29

Screeners maybe you know having a lodger as "renting out the spare room to help pay the mortgage"?? It's quite common amongst first time buyers who go for a 2 bed place.

Scremersford · 15/10/2015 21:54

var123 Screeners maybe you know having a lodger as "renting out the spare room to help pay the mortgage"?? It's quite common amongst first time buyers who go for a 2 bed place.

Yes I've heard of that but I still can't think of anyone who actually does it, other than on a very short term basis either too short for anything else or for a short work period. Its not as if anyone would choose to live in a small family home when they could have more privacy and space elsewhere. Looking on gumtree for my city, I can't see anyone advertising it either.

Surely cleaning up after an adult living in your home would be beyond weird? Like you were their substitute mother or something? How does that work when the individual is actually older than the property owner?

var123 · 15/10/2015 22:40

Marriage!

var123 · 15/10/2015 22:44

Typically people who rent out their spare room are single and childless. Think young professional getting on proprty ladder.
I have heard of it when there is a child but it is far less common.

springydaffs · 16/10/2015 01:18

Sorry I haven't rtft but you have my sympathy op!

(I bet you've had a beating on here. You have to live it to understand it.)

I've stopped having ppl living in my house bcs I no longer want to stress about waste I'm paying for - and selfish housemates (the t-towel left on the line!! I recognised that!). And I don't want to have to spell out the stuff I want and am comfortable with and am uncomfortable with in my own home . Ime the vast majority of housemates/lodgers are undomesticated and have no consciousness that utilities aren't free - bcs Somebody Else has always paid for it (usually parents) like magic. I've had the odd few who 'get it' but the majority don't.

I know an older landlady who drew a permanent line in the bath and lodgers were instructed to fill the bath no higher than the line. I didn't want to get like her (but already was in my head).

Gwenhwyfar · 16/10/2015 07:33

"As to the washing loads -- well, to me, 4x per week does not seem excessive."

For one person. I do one load a week! The machine should be about 80% full otherwise it's a terrible waste.

Gwenhwyfar · 16/10/2015 07:37

"The teatowel being left on the line is very selfish!"

No. I would do the same. I wouldn't interfere in someone else's washing, just as I wouldn't want anyone else touching my washing.

Gwenhwyfar · 16/10/2015 07:42

"I've lived in various house shares in the UK and on mainland Europe for my work, I've searched through ads for property to rent, and I have never, ever come across it. I've also never met another person who "lodges". It sounds bizarre."

I've lodged. The ad I answered presented it as a houseshare, but when I visited I learnt that one of the housemates owned the house. She was pretty relaxed about things, which I think is the key, you can't have a lodger if you are very strict about how things are done. I wanted to house share for the flexibility and the low cost, but didn't want to live with young students. Living with people my own age meant it was more likely they'd own the house.

Gwenhwyfar · 16/10/2015 08:34

"I would never wash my towels with my clothes."

I do this. As a single person I use two towels so I would never just wash those alone in the machine. I do a separate wash for whites, but there isn't a full load of whites every week.

Gwenhwyfar · 16/10/2015 16:42

"I didn't realise 20 mins in the shower wasn't the norm"

Patrick. I think it's normal to spend 20 mins in the bathroom in the morning, but you might find that the time you're under the water is a lot less.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 22/10/2015 04:21

Lodging I think was much more common when it wasn't usual for people to leave home before they got married... In the 1950s it would be fairly unusual for a group of pals to live together.

Also some people will say they're sharing but they really are lodging... I sense there's a bit of a stigma associated with it...

Lodgings are still there as there is a need.... As people have said.. For short term job contracts when someone doesn't want a hotel /B&B...

When someone wants to be 'looked after', some lodgings include food.

Anyone who doesn't want the hassle of a proper let with bill commitments /shared spaces...and cleaning!

I've used lodgings several times:

When I was working away from home few times a week for several months (couldn't commit to 6 month contract). Also I didn't want hassle of sharing bills for a lot of time I wasnt there for. Didn't want the hassle of buying loo roll or getting involved in cleaning rotas... When your time somewhere is packed..you really don't want the hassle of running two households... It's amazing how frustrating it is when you touch down having been away for several days and they've run out of bog roll/washing up liquid and it's then your turn to buy it!

When i was between flat shares as a student for a couple of weeks... I wanted a bed/desk and didn't want to sofa surf with pals... I couldn't have afforded a hotel for 2weeks.

I suspect some airbnb will be essentially lodgings /homestays!

HelenF35 · 22/10/2015 05:50

I used to let out both of my spare rooms to help with the mortgage. I bought a property with my ex, then bought him out. I was very nervous when I took in my first lodger, especially as he was a man almost old enough to be my father. He was a mon-fri tenant and was brilliant. I hardly ever saw him and he was lovely. That led to me taking in another lodger. He was full time and a bit younger than me but seemed sensible. He was also a fantastic lodger. In fact he now rents my house on a full lease with a friend as I have moved in with my partner. It's very common for people to have lodgers here.

Nataleejah · 22/10/2015 08:36

Talk to her. Arrange a timetable with reminders, specific stuff that needs to be done. Stuff like "clean" might be very subjective per individual.

Katie1004 · 24/06/2017 20:39

Hi, if you're miserable with her give her notice your welfare is the most important. I've had a lodger with me for over a year, when he moved in I didn't give him a contract and house rules as took him on face value. Had story he looked after his step mum for 7 years who has dementia and wanted to make a fresh start, get job etc. A year later, he has spent every day in my flat going out probably approximately 2 hours a day but I've been on holiday probably a month in that time, so feel like I never get any personal time in my own flat with partner, friends or relatives. Unfortunately, I am quite soft but I have now given him 2 months notice, why make yourself miserable because someone is not on the same wavelength e.g. not locking bathroom door and my 83 year old Mother walked in on him naked, doesn't clean his personal hairs off bathroom floor, rent not on time or short every 3 months etc. I have now learnt to return to contracts and house rules as it can be quite confusing if people don't understand your expectations, which I did do originally except I got taken in by 2 middle aged men who I took in as lodgers on separate occasions and I should have learnt my lesson the first time as both were quite overbearing and extremely confident in themselves but definitely have mental health baggage.

Magna · 24/06/2017 20:43

Zombie thread Katie

Everyones probably moved by now

VeryButchyRestingFace · 24/06/2017 20:45

What was going on in your head, Katie1004?

I want to understand how this can happen. Grin

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