New lodger doing my head in. Aibu?

[saltlakecity]

Background. It's my house. She rents a room and has use of living room, kitchen etc.
She pays me £300pm which is in line with other lodgers rents in the town. I pay the bills. The bills are included in her rent.
I am in my 30s. She is late 20s.
She's lived here about 6 weeks and she's already doing my head in. She doesn't clean anywhere. Whenever I rented a room I did my share of cleaning communal rooms too. She's using them too so why should I be the only one to clean?

The bills are likely to shoot up as she leaves lights on and does about 4 loads of washing a week. This is a logistical nightmare for drying clothes too. She never does full loads which would obviously be better economically.
She can't wash dishes properly so everything is greasy or tea stained.

She's a noisy eater and makes irritating contended noises all the time. I realise this is being picky but it's so bloody annoying.

Her showers last about 15-20 mins. Again I can feel the bills shooting up by the second. It also leaves the upstairs steamy and damp. Not a problem I've had before but then my showers are less than 10 mins.

I seem to be buying all the loo roll, fairy liquid, handwash and cleaning stuff.

She's quite selfish e.g. The other day I put a tea towel in with her never ending washing. When she brought the stuff in from the line she left that out on the line, presumably because it wasn't 'hers'. There have been a few similar instances.

Am I being a complete bitch? I'm too old for this shit but i thought the money would be handy (a lot of which will now be used for higher bills).

I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with your lodger if you want to change things on her.
Did you bother with a detailed contract, or did you assume that she'd just fall in with your idea of household living? Next lodger, make sure you have agreed expectations before hand and ha out the details.

I think lodging works better when the lodger has their own bathroom.

My Dad has a lodger who rents out the converted attick space, which is a self contained bedroom / en suite set up. The loder has total autonomy in cleaning, bathroom and toilet supplies, everything in that area.

They obviously share kitchen and laundry area with my Dad, which tbh drives my Dad insane. The lodger likes to microwave fish which creates a lingering smell! And once accidently left the iron on facedown for ages, which created a massive burn on the ironing board and could have been a fire hazard, and sometimes leaves the fridge door open!

It's living with other people, isn't it. But he gets his £300 or whatever.

I think most people would love an extra £3.6K per year from doing nothing, except basically being lucky enough in having a spare room.
You are in the privilege.

I agree that these things should have been discussed in the beginning however have a chat now and see what she says. Not fair to complain if she didn't imagine you would expect any of these things. And negotiate bathroom times or you will end up late for work.

Re the shower, I actually agree with you. We have a water meter here and are always quite conscious of how long we are in the shower. Even got a thing from the water board which times 4 minutes which is not unreasonable if not washing hair. The water does not need to be running to shave legs either!! Very wasteful. We are frugal here in lots of areas though but that to us is a sensible thing. And why not? Literally throwing money down the drain is mad.

4 loads isn't excessive.
1 dark 1 white 1 towels and 1 bedding?

All the ther stuff just needs a conversation. And actually, a list of 'house rules' the lodger agrees to before moving on is standard practice.

Everyone should clean the communal areas, except if you do it on a Monday-Friday type deal. If they are full time loving with you then who on earth else will clean up for them?

Everyone should put in for washing up liquid and toilet roll and stuff - kitty works well.

On the bills, I would have worked out what your social bills per month are, plus a bit more to cover person number 2 and halved that to get at a 'bill' figure which was separate to the rent. So £250 rent, £50 for bills (may be adjusted as usage changes). Switch to monthly DD and send in a meter reading every 2 months or so.

Yech, you throw all your washing in together?

You really have to loosen up about the washing. I would never wash my towels with my clothes. I'd never mix my darks and my lights, etc.

The showers, they are a bit long, especially if they're every day, but understandable if she's washing long hair every day. If you're on a meter, why don't you take a meter reading every month, compare them with previous bills, and tell her that if she is going to continue taking such long showers she will need to pay an additional amount to cover the extra water costs.

Yes, if there's only 1 lodger, she should join in with the cleaning up. But you should have stated as such when you first met with her. Same as with sharing the costs of shared items like loo rolls.

In the past I've been a lodger, lived in house-shares and been a landlady. Each role is a pain in the arse in it's own way but I found being a landlady and having a lodger particularly stressful as some people do seem to think you're just going to pick up where their parents left off.

The only way to keep things fair and harmonious, in my experience, is for clear rules and expectations to be set out from the word go. That way the person moves in knowing exactly what is expected of them and what they can expect from you in return. If you start off with no detailed agreement, then try to impose a series of house rules or expectations further down the line it doesn't work as the person had already gotten used to having it all their own way.

It might be best to get rid of this lodger (who you clearly don't like anyway) and look for someone else. Before that person moves in give them a copy of a detailed agreement that sets out rules about use of facilities, a kitty for cleaning supplies and other essentials, cleaning rota for communal areas etc. If they think it's unreasonable they will simply go elsewhere.

Slight derail here but what's the issue with washing clothing with towels or bedding? Is that yet another housework-related thing I've been doing wrong all these years?

SlaggIsland That jumped out at me too! Could this be another MN 'thing' where 50% are shocked that the other 50% wash their towels and pants together?!

(I do)

Firstly, I wash my towels on a hot 60 degree wash, 1) to get them clean, and 2) to reduce mould formation in the washing machine detergent drawer.

Clothes should NOT be washed at that temperature.

Secondly, towels are fluffy. I REALLY don't want fluff on my clothes.

Thirdly, it's one thing to mix cotton clothes with lycra/polyster clothes, because they're quite light. But heavy cotton shouldn't be washed with mixed fibre clothing.

Fourthly, towels are far more heavy duty than my clothes. Keep washing bath towels and clothes together and your clothes get trashed.

Fifthly, if you tumble dry clothes, you shouldn't tumble dry them together because by the time the towels are dry your clothes would have been fried.

If I put more thought into it I could probably come up with a few other reasons why not.....

As a lodger I would have different expectations to a flatshare ... I've done this a couple of times when I've been a Monday to Friday lodger working away.

No cleaning apart from own room, and cleaning up after self in kitchen.

Bog rolls /cleaning materials included...

To me it is supposed to be convenient, not that I have to be in some kind of flat sharing arrangement...

People need to be clear what they're offering...

However it does sound as if you don't like her.

Ask her to leave, and get someone you can rub along with better.
I would also up the rent and pay for a cleaner as part of it... It immediately takes away some of the resentment!

I put lots of things together which 'should' be separate in order to make a full load. The only things I will separate are things which are likely to run. They don't get washed until I have enough of that sort of colour to do at least a half load, as my machine has a switch for smaller washes.

I amazed at the posters stating they wouldn't think of cleaning communal areas: so you'll use a bathroom daily, the kitchen, the living room, and leave the house owner to clean up after you? It's not a bloody hotel.
Lazy buggers.

Exactly, Constance! Lodger sounds like a total skank. YANBU
Get rid of her! If she slate 20s and hasn't yet mastered the art of cleaning or better still, understanding she even has to contribute, you ain't gonna teach her now!

How long until you can prepare a new contract? It will probably be tricky to start introducing rules and enforce them, but I guess if you do she might get the message and move on.

It seems like you don't really like her so maybe you should make up an excuse like your cousin wants to move to the area and stay with you and give her the required amount of notice.

Then if you get another lodger lay down the rules at the start (ie if you expect them to help with cleaning, provide toilet rolls etc.) and charge rent in a way that will cover excessive light use etc.

ContanceMarkYaBitch People are trying to explain that there is generally a difference in the normal terms between being a lodger and living in a houseshare. They have different names for a start which to me and others denotes that they are obviously not the same thing!

I have experience of lodging and houseshares. In the former I stayed mainly in my room (the landlord used main rooms in house) and when I used kitchen I cleaned up after myself. There was no kitty. In a houseshare I paid rent for room plus share of all other bills. The upkeep of house was down to everyone living in it, the owner did not live there. They were quite different. It's not necessarily a case of 'lazy buggers'.

And people should never forget that they are getting an income from lodgers. That does give lodger an entitlement to some things because they have paid for it. And I think using the washing machine and shower without restrictions should be two of them!

Worst landlords by far I've experienced are those who do not view it as a business arrangement, but view it and take things very personally. They want the money but they don't want to have to do or change anything to accommodate and feel very taken advantage of if they do!

Flatshares are different to lodging but only in that its clear who has to move out if you don't get on.

FWIW I lodged in a flat once with a landlady like you. It was miserable (probably for both of us). She complained at everything I did. e.g. she complained that I didn't immediately iron my clothes after taking them off the line, but instead kept them in an ironing basket in my room and did them when I had some free time.

Once I washed up the breakfast dishes on a Friday morning and hurried out to work. Then i went home for the weekend, returning on Sunday night. When i went into the kitchen I found some cold, used washing up water in the sink and I immediately let it down the drain. 10 minutes later, she came in furious that I'd let it go. Apparently, I'd left it there in my hurry on Friday morning and she'd been saving it for me all weekend.

She had an obsession about water and electricity use too.

In the end, I dreaded seeing her scowling face and wondering what she would pick on next. I realised that I would rather go to the trouble of moving than have to face her each evening.

OP I am sure your tenant will have noticed your disgust and your sighing and pained looks and will soon move on to somewhere that she may call home.

TBF the op doesn't really sound like your old landlady Var

I know, ovenchips, but I stand by my point. If you use a room, you clean it too, at least a bit. I don't care whether its drawn up in a contract, its basic manners.
Lodging is different from a houseshare in that the person you are sharing with is the owner. That doesn't make them your maid.

Monday to Friday lodging is very different to full time lodger agreement, in what is essentially a flat share except the only difference is the other person owns the flat so can set some expectations around cleaning etc in advance.

I really don't think you can tell your loger to have shorter showers or not use the washing machine as much! But you can and should charge an appropriate amount for bills.

I think the issue here is that you did not put any rules in place and assumed her behaviour. When you have a lodger, you need to be crystal clear on the house rules and expectations before you agree to let them move in.

As you said bills included, she could take this to mean loo rolls, washing up liquid etc.

Sit her down and go over these rules. If she does not like them, then she can move out.

Also as others have said, 4 washes a week is not that many.