AIBU to get him to buy me a whole new set

[alphabettyspaghetty]

So just to give some background... I have been doing adult colouring for a few months now and have amassed myself a really good set of pens which in total have cost me the best part of £50. I keep them under the coffee table with my magazines and my books.

So i have a stepson (8) who comes to us every weekend. He has a wealth of colouring stuff in his bedroom for him to draw etc with -this bit is important as he doesnt look after stuff very well and im always buying him new pens as he ruins them easily. I was away last weekend and my OH is away this weekend so stepson is not here.

I decided tonight to do some colouring and go to my box and there is no pens there. I phoned OH and it conspires he couldn't be bothered to get out stepson's tub of pens so used mine. Except he's not quite sure where they are now... he thinks they are in his bedroom. I am not going to go searching through his room to find my collection. I also suspect DSS would have left lids off and destroyed them.

I am just fed up of sharing everything of mine because OH doesn't want to share his or is too lazy to get something out properly.

Some more examples... my ipad. Dss can't possibly use my OHs ipad so uses mine
.. my laptop... can't quite possibly use OHs laptop so uses mine. My car... Dss isnt allowed food in his dad's car but of course in mine it's ok to give him hot chocolate. (Never did get it out the seat)

I don't mind sharing of course but the pens have tipped me over the edge.

AIBU to get OH to buy me a whole new collection of pens? And not share anything ever again?

Id be more concerned about what his actions say about how little respect he has for you than your pens tbh. Why is your stuff worth less than his!?
I would get him to replace what's lost but I'd be having that conversation at the very least.

Definitely get him to cough up. That's the only way to get through to some people, hit them in the pocket. Same in my house. Just a total lack of respect.

Yanbu to ask for new pens and for him to stop having double standards when it comes to his stuff and yours . . . it IS his son after all . . . however not sharing anything ever again MAY be a touch too far ;)

YABU. You sound very mean spirited towards a small child. It is not your step-son's fault his father lent him your things. Go into his room and look for them and see if they are damaged before you decide you need a whole new set. Being a parent/adult is about sharing and supporting your family. They are only pens you should try and put this in perspective. It sounds as if the issue is you don't like your step-son and that is why you don't like sharing with him.

No yanbu. Your OH has zero respect for your property. Buy yourself a nice lockable box for your pens etc and keep key in handbag or somewhere. Hide ipad/laptop if DSS is there and say battery has died so use OH's.

Greenback her issue is not with her DSS but with her DH!!

What has happened to sharing? Wow. I am happy for my family (and friends) to use any of my belongings. I expect my children to share nicely too. If it is something of high value (sentimental or monetary) then I put it in a safe place and let children use it under supervision. They know to put it back and treat it properly when they are finished.

I don't think your feelings are unreasonable. Oddly though your post, to my ears, made you sound like this boy's older sister than his father's partner. You don't sound like equal adults.

GreenbackBoogie

I'm well aware it's not his fault and I never once said it was his fault. I just know exactly what he is like as a 8 year old. Those pens will be destroyed. It's not as much about the pens I'm just annoyed that for once something is mine and my OH is too lazy to go and get something from upstairs so thinks it's ok to use mine.

And believe me I more than support my step son every single day even if I don't see him every day.

Greenback I don't believe you. And you saying OP 'sounds very mean towards a small child' is just goady for-the-sake-of-it bullshit. RTFT and stop being so ridiculous.

For confirmation I'm quite happy for him to use my ipad my laptop and quite happy to continue sharing just more frustrated at OH I think. I guess a chat is needed.

I agree with Under - why are his possessions sacrosanct while yours are a free for all? Shows a lack of regard doesn't it?

Yanbu to ask for new pens. It's time to take a stand.

The issue is that her OH took the piss and let his son use the pens because he couldn't be arsed going upstairs to get them. And by 8 years old the child should know they are not his and go and get his bloody own or least put them back where he found them.
And why cant the OH share HIS stuff with his kid, like ipad.

I also don't want to be accused of drip feeding but I've recently been diagnosed with arthritis so getting on my hands and knees and looking through his bedroom would probably finish me off. So I can't even do that.

Why can't your DSS use his dad's ipad? Can't you just refuse and say 'it's your turn to lend out yours today'?

Tendon... no idea he always says to DSS you need to use Alpha's I'm using mine. (When he's actually just playing a game on his)

YANBU at all! I wouldn't share special pens with my own 7 year old daughter either.

I'd put my foot down about the laptop as well.

'Oh no, you always say that and never lend him yours, and you're just playing a game. It's your turn'. That's what you say.

If you are worried about doing that (which isn't a good sign) then that really needs thinking over, but in the meantime I would immediately say 'Ah, that reminds me, I've got to write this email / pay this bill / buy this thing, so he'll have to use yours'. Do that every time.

I'm with you OP.

I have special pens which I keep in my drawer labelled "mummy's pens - don't touch!" as I'm fed up with going to do some art work and finding the nibs all squashed and dried out. Some things are not for sharing, I would respect other people's stuff and not expect to use certain items if they are delicate or easily used up up.

My dp is much more free and easy with his stuff, but most of his stuff ends up with food stains and scuffs where his DCs don't take care of it. He can afford to just replace it, although the doesn't see the need, as he's not as precious about things as I am, but even if have the money to buy myself new pens etc, I shouldn't have to. They are expensive and I rarely buy myself anything. When I do it's a real treat and it's galling when someone ruins it.

It's just as annoying when it's my own DCs thogh, I bought a nice notebook in the summer, spent time decorating the cover and then my dd came to have look at what I'd done and said "ooh that's pretty" while pointing at it with buttery fingers. Big greasy mark right in the middle of the cover!

Check the pens op and if they're ruined your dp needs to replace them. Also don't let him treat your stuff as less important than his. Not on.

I hate saying this because I think step parents get a shitty time on here, but I think you sound a bit resentful. Unless you mean that literally every time the kid wants something your OP offers yours and refuses his, you sound a bit possessive.

tbh if I had posted that as the mother of the child it would look very childish and I am afraid that you as the step mother sound very childish

Why couldn't the 8 year old go up and get his pens himself?
Why should he look after pens etc when he knows they be replaced. Doesn't matter how many times it's said, he needs reminding to put lids on and put them away.

to clarify, if you were the mother things would be very different and you would be able to direct your SS, rather than feel slightly out of control

I'm possessive. My stuff is mine. My adult, costly, lovingly chosen stuff is not for my children, it's for ME.
I have arty pens and pencils the kids aren't allowed to use. And other stuff too.
Bog off kids. It's mine.