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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get him to buy me a whole new set

177 replies

alphabettyspaghetty · 10/10/2015 22:13

So just to give some background... I have been doing adult colouring for a few months now and have amassed myself a really good set of pens which in total have cost me the best part of £50. I keep them under the coffee table with my magazines and my books.

So i have a stepson (8) who comes to us every weekend. He has a wealth of colouring stuff in his bedroom for him to draw etc with -this bit is important as he doesnt look after stuff very well and im always buying him new pens as he ruins them easily. I was away last weekend and my OH is away this weekend so stepson is not here.

I decided tonight to do some colouring and go to my box and there is no pens there. I phoned OH and it conspires he couldn't be bothered to get out stepson's tub of pens so used mine. Except he's not quite sure where they are now... he thinks they are in his bedroom. I am not going to go searching through his room to find my collection. I also suspect DSS would have left lids off and destroyed them.

I am just fed up of sharing everything of mine because OH doesn't want to share his or is too lazy to get something out properly.

Some more examples... my ipad. Dss can't possibly use my OHs ipad so uses mine
.. my laptop... can't quite possibly use OHs laptop so uses mine. My car... Dss isnt allowed food in his dad's car but of course in mine it's ok to give him hot chocolate. (Never did get it out the seat)

I don't mind sharing of course but the pens have tipped me over the edge.

AIBU to get OH to buy me a whole new collection of pens? And not share anything ever again?

OP posts:
MrsEvadneCake · 10/10/2015 23:03

I won't share my sharpies with my own children. You aren't being selfish. You do need to talk to your partner and sort it out though because it's not on for it always to be your things.

Original poster
alphabettyspaghetty · 10/10/2015 23:04

Paul... Oh has never once let DSS on his laptop or ipad. Never. Its always oh Alphas laptop is plugged in over there I'll set it up for you.

I am resentful about the pens yes. But to OH not to DSS.. I would never be resentful to DSS.

I wonder if I could buy DSS a laptop for christmas?

OP posts:
Hassled · 10/10/2015 23:05

I don't think alphabetty sounds childish at all. This is her stuff - stuff that matters. And the fact it's a DSS and not a DS is probably irrelevant - sometimes you just need to know that your stuff is respected, that you are respected.

LimitedSedition · 10/10/2015 23:10

Laptop for Christmas is an excellent idea!

cdtaylornats · 10/10/2015 23:30

You could have just put them away safely.

I just bought my mother a cheap laptop
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00L6Y40QY?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00

works fine.

Inertia · 10/10/2015 23:32

It's not petty, it's the fact that your partner has no respect for you.

pictish · 10/10/2015 23:32

Or his dad could have said, "No...those are Alpha's pens. Go and get your own ones from upstairs."

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/10/2015 23:50

I agree, your OH has no respect for you or your things. HE is the possessive one, refusing to allow his own son to use his things but quite happy for hi to share yours.

The pens thing - if they ended up upstairs, then why in fuck could your OH not have said "go upstairs and find your pens to do colouring yourself!" if he cba to go up himself to bring them down? There is no valid reason for him allowing his son to use your pens, except that he doesn't give a shit about your belongings being yours.

What's his is his, and what's Alpha's is fair game for everyone else, is the message here.

Not good.

WaggleBee · 10/10/2015 23:57

They're expensive pens too. Not ones you'd give a child to play with. Which shows lack of thought from Alpha's DH as well giving the impression he couldn't care less if her stuff gets damaged but hoes out if his way to protect his own things. It's not a step parent/child issue at all. It's a lack of respect from her DH issue.

YADNBU to expect a new set. Tell him you want some of these whilst he's at it www.amazon.co.uk/Faber-Castell-Polychromos-Colour-Pencils-Tin/dp/B000C6RHBW

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/10/2015 00:09

GreenbackBoogie

Are you confusing felt tip pens/colouring pencils with art equipment?

hebihebi · 11/10/2015 00:47

To be honest I would have hidden them but nothing is sacred in our house. A cheap tablet or laptop for his Christmas sounds like a great idea though.

DisappointedOne · 11/10/2015 01:00

Put passwords on your electronics and don't tell them what they are! Solves the iPad and laptop issues far more easily than buying a laptop for an 8 year old.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/10/2015 01:06

No, that's just mean to the 8yo because I doubt his effing father would step up and let the child use his stuff.

I think buying him his own to have at your house is a good idea.

HoneyDragon · 11/10/2015 01:28

Well I'm a shit mean spirited parent then.

I don't feel I have to share everything with my children. I am allowed stuff of my own and if I don't wish to share it I won't. And it's the same for my DC. part of learning about life is the right to say no if you don't trust someone with something you hold precious, be it you heart or your Sharpies.

Your dp does not give your possessions value.

I totally get why you are upset, and it's irelavant whether your dp gives then your dss or a passing llama.

kali110 · 11/10/2015 01:51

Oh yes op should just put all of her stuff away safetly in her own house?
Or her dp could have just got up off his arse and got his son his own pens.
Yanbu op at all.
Your dp is not respecting you.
He can't get his son anything, or give him anything of his but your stuff is fine.
You don't sound mean spirited either, you sound fed up of your dp treating you and your stuff shoddily.

Spartans · 11/10/2015 04:27

Yanbu. It doesn't sound like you are placing any blame on the child at all. You are placing blame where it should be. With your Dp.

It would concern me that he will not share his stuff with his son, or be arsed to get his sons stuff out, so gets yours instead. It's his attitude that he can't be arsed and his stuff is too precious to share, but yours is fair game. Why exactly will he nor share with his own son?

Senpai · 11/10/2015 05:30

YABU. You sound very mean spirited towards a small child. It is not your step-son's fault his father lent him your things. Go into his room and look for them and see if they are damaged before you decide you need a whole new set. Being a parent/adult is about sharing and supporting your family. They are only pens you should try and put this in perspective. It sounds as if the issue is you don't like your step-son and that is why you don't like sharing with him.

No one is blaming the child. Of course he's blameless. He saw art supplies and used them for art. He has no idea the value of art supplies and how much money they are. It's hard to fault him for having a creative spirit.

OH is the problem. You don't lend out other people's expensive things. If she let DSS ruin something of OH's I'm sure he'd have a fit about it. He isn't respecting her stuff the same way he expects her to respect his.

I use art pens too for doodling, and I ran into the problem of people wanting to use them to write, and then thinking I was rude for telling them absolutely not. You have to hold them a certain way or you ruin the tips. It's ridiculously easy to ruin art supplies, especially the professional ones.

Just because it's art doesn't suddenly put it in the petty category of "arts and crafts". Art is a serious hobby or skill in its own right. So they're not "just pens" anymore than whatever you do for a hobby is "just a silly hobby".

OH needs to buy her a new set so that he understands how expensive it is so that he thinks about what he's giving DSS next time. OP, I'd put locks on all your electronics and not tell OH the passwords, and let him know you're doing it because your stuff is no longer the "spare pile" in the house.

DSS's artwork better have been good to make the destruction "worth it"

Senpai · 11/10/2015 05:35

BTW... I would share my expensive hobby equipment (including my camera, scrapbooking, and art supplies) with DD when hell froze over.

I might sway when she's a teen and mature enough to respect my stuff and understand how to use them correctly.

But as a small child under 12, no. Not a chance.

LeSquigh · 11/10/2015 05:42

I'm with you too OP, I would NEVER share pens with ANYONE. Especially mucky fingered small boys.

YakTriangle · 11/10/2015 06:28

You don't sound in the least bit mean spirited or uncaring towards your SS, his dad sounds like a lazy git. How rude and presumptuous to offer up your belongings but his aren't to be touched.

Your DH needs to buy his son his own tablet or laptop and buy you some more pens which are then locked away for your use.

SoupDragon · 11/10/2015 06:35

You don't even know they are ruined.

That said, OH is a twat and apparently doesn't care about your stuff at all given he won't let his DS use his things but is happy to lend out yours.

SoupDragon · 11/10/2015 06:37

Especially mucky fingered small boys.

Hmm
toastyarmadillo · 11/10/2015 06:37

I would make him replace them and no more using your things.
This is your dh at fault for treating your things as a free for all for anyone to use and keeping his stuff personal.
If he won't replace them giving him a card on Christmas day with the receipt for a replacement set in it, with an explanation that his gift money this year replaced your pens.
I would also be going out of my way every time he isn't using his I pad to offer it to anyone who comes in the house to use while they visit to make a point, but I am pretty cranky this morning. Grin he needs to treat your things with the same level of respect he applies to his own. I imagine with most self obsessed idiots that requires a hands on demonstration of having his things messed with by others. Xx

BumWad · 11/10/2015 06:41

YANBU

I would be annoyed too.

toastyarmadillo · 11/10/2015 06:45

I like the idea of a big wooden lockable chest in the lounge, kind of a grown up toy box I guess, but it's sad it seems necessary.

Soup dragon, I agree she doesn't know if the pens are damaged yet, but given she has mobility issues, it's totally unfair she now has to scrabble through dss room to locate HER things. I would also be assuming if he hasn't taken the trouble to use a pen and replace it in the correct slot before taking the next, he won't have been very careful with them. Good art pens can be unbelievably temperamental and a heavy hand using them and they will be useless. We already know dss requires his own pens replaced frequently because he doesn't take care of them.

My dd 16 studying a level art and graphics got banned from my art pens recently just for taking half out of the box and littering them over the sofa, where one of the other dc could have stood or sat on them. It was the fact the pens were now out of order that really ticked me off, an anally retentive no doubt, but my pens, my rules.

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