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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner wants me to pay for petrol

257 replies

popmama1 · 10/10/2015 15:09

My OH has a car (that FIL bought him and MIL pays the insurance on) and wants me to pay for petrol if he takes me anywhere in it. Bearing in mind the only time he really drives me anywhere is to the supermarket where I pay for all the food shopping and his fags and then back to the flat where I pay all the electric, gas and rent because he's on a zero hour contract and refuses to even try to get a better job. I was learning to drive before I fell pregnant and don't plan on getting a car until after I have our daughter. We got in a genuine argument over whether I should contribute to petrol or not. He doesn't ask his friends or his family to pay if they go out so why should I? AIBU?

OP posts:
LIZS · 10/10/2015 15:12

If you are having a baby together, and presumably live together , the sooner you get out of the my/your money mentality the better. Why can't you learn to drive when pg?

gamerchick · 10/10/2015 15:13

I'm assuming he has some redeeming qualities?

MrsSippy · 10/10/2015 15:13

Really?? You're having a baby with this man-child???

Good luck Hmm

stitchglitched · 10/10/2015 15:14

Wow what a catch, I can see why you are having a baby with him Hmm

Floralnomad · 10/10/2015 15:14

why are you having a baby with this man if he is so feckless ?

fourquenelles · 10/10/2015 15:15

No, you are NOT BU. He is.

cansu · 10/10/2015 15:15

Given that you already pay for gas electric rent and food, I don't see how he works out that you should pay for petrol as well?? Agree and present him with Bill for half of the things you are currently responsible for.

EastMidsMummy · 10/10/2015 15:15

What a shit.

YakTriangle · 10/10/2015 15:16

May I just say 'cocklodger'? Thanks.

QueenofLouisiana · 10/10/2015 15:16

Ask him to work out the cost of it, the deduct it from "his" half of the expenses you pay for. Ask whether he'd like to pay by cash or PayPal...

On a more serious note, you need to sort this out before DC is born. Are you going to cope solely on your Mat Pay?

flataboveashop · 10/10/2015 15:18

He sounds utterly ghastly!

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/10/2015 15:18

Ummmm. What's he for?

Spartans · 10/10/2015 15:19

You should pay half the petrol, as long as he should pay half the bills.

Why are you in relationship with this man never mind having a baby with him?

Why can't you learn to drive while pg?

He should be acting like a wanker, but you can't control other people. Why are you allowing him to live with you while you pay the bills?

NerrSnerr · 10/10/2015 15:19

Have you discussed how you will split finance after the baby is born? Will he charge you petrol when (or if) he drives you to the hospital in labour?

Duckdeamon · 10/10/2015 15:21

Kick out the cocklodging mummy's boy.

KurriKurri · 10/10/2015 15:21

What does he pay for?

He sounds like a total freeloader. I'd tell him he needs to get his act together for when your baby arrives, - when you go into labour is he going to be holding out his hand for petrol money when he drives you to the hospital?

Once your baby is born I would really strongly urge you to learn to drive - do not allow him to control you by refusing to take you anywhere unless you pay - get your independence from him, and stop buying him food and fags - save the fag money for things you want to buy for the baby.

Is he earning anything at all? I appreciate his income is not regular but surely he must be bringing something in - what does he propose to do when the baby is born?

KurriKurri · 10/10/2015 15:22

xposted NerrSnerr Grin

VimFuego101 · 10/10/2015 15:25

I agree with the previous poster who said you should make a list of all your joint outgoing and ask for his share. What are you going to do for money when you're on mat pay?

Penfold007 · 10/10/2015 15:25

He needs to pay his half of the rent, utility bills and food etc. You are living together and having a child together.

Maybe you both need to have a discussion re a budget, you both put a sum into a household account to joint expenses and then have a sum to spend on cigarettes, clothes, driving lessons or whatever.

Don't delay learning to drive just because your pregnant. How will you manage when your on maternity leave?

IguanaTail · 10/10/2015 15:26

I would say "yes, let's halve everything" apart from the fact the pettiness will drive you bananas if you do - he will start tallying the number of grapes you eat and the number of times you flush the toilet.

He needs to grow up and you need to stop tolerating him freeloading off you.

IjustGotmy2016diary · 10/10/2015 15:28

Pants!! YakTriangle beat me to it!!

threenotfour · 10/10/2015 15:30

Don't buy his fags and don't buy any food specifically for him or that he likes. Then pay the petrol but working out the mileage, etc so you don't over pay. You would be no worse off then.

Alternatively sort the whole ridiculous situation out and tell him to grow up pay his way. What an idiot? And he's gonna be a dad. Geez.

What are his parents like? Could you talk to them about how he is demanding petrol and not paying his way?

sunnyteacup · 10/10/2015 15:34

Kick him out. It'll save you a fortune.

What happens when the baby comes? Is he going to charge you petrol for taking you to and from the hospital when you deliver HIS baby.

What does he contribute financially at the moment? (I'm guessing nothing).

Arfarfanarf · 10/10/2015 15:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 10/10/2015 15:38

How on earth did you get yourself into the situation where "I pay for all the food shopping and his fags and then back to the flat where I pay all the electric, gas and rent"?

What is this man-child for, exactly, apart from being a sperm-donor? He's not a man by any stretch of the imagination! Where is his self-respect? Probably still at home living with Mummy, I suspect.

I agree with a previous poster that should you split all the necessary expenses, he'll be trying to control how many times you flush the lav.

It would be cheaper all round if you got shot of him as you're financing everything already. Lower food-bills, 25% council-tax discount AND no fag-buying. The fucking twat doesn't even buy his own bloody fags! Gob-smacked doesn't quite cover it.